Narcissistic Personality Disorder 5

I have a story, but still struggle to be who I am meant to be. I would be glad to talk privately to you about it.

luc lelievre

5 days ago

My brother died of cancer. So, I suddenly fell on my own. There were no more obstacles to be admitted to another Ph.D. program -- even if I'm now almost seventy! I love to study new things and bring new knowledge to the world. He couldn't understand that. Now that he's gone, I feel free to do as I wish.

Thomas McDonald

1 week ago

Thankyou Dr Ramani! Your making the world aware, and a better place!

Can a group of Empaths/victims strategically and subtly expose a Narcissist division tactics, gaslighting and devaluation, to help victims survive? I see so many individuals commenting. It looks like we all suffer from being divided and conquered by the Narcissist. So many good people on here. The best kind of people!

Thankyou again!

MrMasterDebate

1 week ago (edited)

My brother was a narc. He nonstop told me I was failing at life. Even as I got a full ride in college, I was being completely barraged with this message. I never went out with friends. I never formed bonds. All I did was constantly work, hoping he would eventually said i would do good. But they never did. Now I’m an adult, who has very few social bonds, all because he relentlessly told me “you are not doing anything with your life. Going out with friends and romantic dates is a waste of time. They will just leave when they realize you have had everything handed to you in life”.

Kara Quick

1 week ago (edited)

I’ve been waiting, and waiting. Hoping they will keep there promise? I am grieving &i I can’t get past what they took? They gained my trust after not talking to them for 10 years. I wanted to believe that maybe they did change?...I was so wrong, they used my sensitivity against me, used the situation to walk back into my life. I have so much guilt because they took “My Family” away from me! They stole my twin sons and I believed them when they said, “We’re taking them on vacation, we’re here to help you.” I wanted to believe them though they were acting like the Keystone Cops. I excused their behavior as excitement. My sons want nothing to do with me. It hurts so bad!! They want nothing to do with me or with their younger sister. My daughter said to me at XmasI will never forget it. She said, “Mom why doesn’t my family love me?” ... I instantly started crying & saying it’s bcuz of me. Though still it doesn’t change the facts that she is unloved by her brothers, grandparents, Aunts, cousins.. Breaks my heart that my family is this evil. I’m the scapegoat. It’s just my daughter & I and it’s hard for us(me especially). Their Darkness is my candle and it’s makes me sick that this was my family. They betrayed me, lied, and took so much from us. I just don’t know why?...

Big BALLS

1 week ago

This hurts so bad my heart is totally shuddered try to pick me up you might cut yourself all i am Is broken glass thrown to the floar i can barely watch this video without breaking down i hate my life so much.

The De Shawn La Faye Experience

1 week ago

Thank you Dr. Ramani.. you are always most helpful in delivery and content..

steve trainer

1 week ago

That was powerful, Thanks.

Daisy Roy

1 week ago

He hated it when Someone younger than his age were striking good in their career,he hated me going up for studies too.He also never took care of me when i needed it the most.After a 6 months of off and on relationship,I finally managed to stay the hell away from him.Its been 3 months of no contact,I know I did what felt right.Thanks Dr.Ramani your videos always inspired me.

DonColey

15 hours ago

Im empathic but I'm grateful Im strong minded.. after so long the narc becomes laughable. I tune her out work out and validate myself, oh and I avoid being out in public with her. I just see a miserable soul sometimes but I don't judge cause I realize it's really built in some people to be that way and it's all they know.. if they knew better they would do better

Chantelle Erasmus

1 week ago

Dr. Ramani you really give us soo much hope!!

Thank you for giving us light when we so badly need it

Big BALLS

1 week ago (edited)

This one i dont think i can even watch im in so much pain right now id rather dye than live not even kidding my life is devastated and im 33 and have t even started therapy yet my Mom ruined my life the entire thing and my absent father making me feel not good enough didnt finish school had way to much self doubt and still do i just got out of my parents house like last year had a break down just got released from the hospital like im the problem ive bin gas lighted by so many people in more ways than two. Its so heavy i anyone that hasn’t seriously thought about killing themselves suffering and always giving to much and then at the end your still the one dying early for it to cuz im just never gonna be good enough no matter what

Lovie Bryant

1 week ago

Any future plans I had. My narc mother would step on it.

NEVER AGAIN

1 week ago

Thank you Dr Ramani. I watched this in tears and sitting on the edge of my seat. For so many years, nobody believed me when I said that my husband was sabotaging my career and my life goals. To normal thinking people, that makes no sense!

We met when we were both very young and the dynamic of me supporting him in every way possible, while simultaneously he was cutting down my every idea or attempt at progress, was there from the beginning. I did not see it at the time or for many years, even though something in my gut kept telling me that what he was doing to me was wrong. The conflict in my mind was there because he kept justifying his negative, discouraging attitude, basically saying in different ways that he was responding that way because he knew better than me and wanted to save me from wasting time and money on business ideas that would never work.

During our marriage, it has been a constant battle, like forcing me to stop classes I was attending, when he knew one of my life goals was to further my education. I was cursed everyday before leaving for class, till one day when he realized I kept going anyway, he physically stopped me from going and used our children as his excuse for demanding that I stop.

He did everything he could do to make life difficult for me when I was trying to build my career and also when I started another small business on my own.

It has been a relentless, incessant drive to keep me down, making little or no money and what I have come to realize - to make me dependent on him.

Meanwhile during all of this, I moved country with him 3 times with our children, for his job and did everything I could to support him in his career.

The whole time he was cutting me down and preventing me from progress, he was telling everybody behind my back, that I am lazy and that I have no ambitions!

Meanwhile I am dying inside from lack of personal fulfillment and needing my freedom and independence!

What's worse is that many ppl believed him and were very disrespectful to me.

He would consistently block me from work or academic development while at the very same time, complain to ppl that he bears the full financial burden in our family!

He is a dangerous, treacherous, dishonest, immoral man whose forte is to deceive and manipulate people.

Twenty six years of pain and abuse has taken a terrible toll on me.

But I am wiser, my eyes are open and I have taken meaningful steps in secret to regain control of my life, bring peace and normalcy into my children's lives and will be out of this marriage soon. Nobody will ever control and manipulate me this way - never again!

The key is to see the intentions behind ppl like him and to have the support of ppl who let you know you are not crazy, who confirm what you suspect.

Thank you again Dr Ramani. You are an earth angel.

sandra d

1 week ago

I'm disabled, uneducated, chronically in pain......I'm in the process of getting out without anything but my home. Dunno wth I'm going to do to live, but I will LIVE

Ross Dawson

1 week ago

Decades upon decades of repeated cycles, deliberately seeking out one disaster after another. It was like i had a radar and a 50' neon sign. My god it made a mess. I lost all hope and was just subsisting, level 1 on Maslow's pyramid. I did that for a very long time.

Its taken me yet another decade to learn and educate myself about me, about others, to learn to be kind to myself, learnt i can love myself. I learnt how i could be manipulated, how i was a feature in their world, how i was part of the circus.

Its not perfect, i still ruminate, there's a resentment there (thought i saw some of that in this vid for their tresspasses), i don't want to spend any more wasted time on it so that frustrates me but its getting better. No so much materially but within, at times a genuine feeling of at peace.

That's kind of new to me,I like it and plan to do more

I used to wonder why I wasn't the man I knew I was inside. Now i understand why that was

Ago Pedro

1 week ago

It is Dr. Ramani! Thank You!

Susan Cronin

3 hours ago

♥️♥️♥️🙏

CLIQ with Rebecca

1 day ago

Hi Dr. Ramani. I love all your videos. Any way you can do a video on your background on how you got into narcissistic studies? Do you speak from personal experience of someone close to you or that you know? Hope this question doesn’t offend you but I am curious how this all came about. Thanks in advanced.

Sheila Best

1 week ago

Strangely, while I was being abused, I had a sense that the narcissists were envious towards me. Logically I couldn’t understand this. What is it about me that caused them to be envious to the point where they wanted to destroy me and take away or control everything I have? I don’t mean to sound preachy but that’s why I believe that being secure in Christ is of utmost importance. If you’re secure in Christ you no longer want to compete with others in order to tear them down to make yourself look good but you want build them up for themselves not to make yourself look good. I also believed that the narcissist wanted me to be within their circle for their benefit or to use me in an exploitative way. Well, anyway my dream today is to become a successful prolific writer.

Dj DEB JusticeUsa

1 week ago

HEALING THRU MUSIC 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🎼💗💪💯🙏🙏🎼🎼🎼🎼♀️💞💌💟💜🏳️‍🌈💛🎼💖💟 THERAPY

Marsha McDonald

4 days ago

Thank you Dr . You are saving

My life.

Njörun Ránsdóttir

6 days ago

Thank you so much for all of this.

BritSue Lamphere

1 week ago

I earned a place in a very competitive and sought after school to study radiography. If you love me, he said, you will give it up and come with me to the city where my college is. Future faked, isolated and insecure I gave it all up, so losing the potential for a career and the means to support myself and my family. Within three months I was discarded and left high and dry. I gave him more chances and by the time I found the superpower to leave and had suffered more discards I had a child to support. And so began decades of making desperate and difficult life choices so we could survive (there was no child support, of course). And yes I am bitter and blame myself for my folly

Angela Sutherland

1 week ago

Hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with. Ever. Nasty people that treat others as if they are never good enough. It absolutely takes Super Power to walk away....the rumination of thoughts is SO hard to get thru. These videos help me get thru.....

Michael Robinson

1 week ago (edited)

I dreamed of being a father. My narcissistic wife prevented me from being one by making sure her needs always took priority over our children's, and by insulting and belittling my fathering. Still, I persevered and did my best. Eventually, I had the courage to step between her and our kids when she was physically and/or verbally abusing them. For this, I was rewarded with a divorce and protection order based on lies. She alienated my eldest, going so far as to tell him he had been conceived by rape, and would have alienated the youngest, had not his autism made him virtually immune. After two years, I get to see my youngest once a week, supervised, in an office, for three hours. My eldest professes to hate me and never wants to see me again. I was widely regarded as a world class improviser. I performed 4 to 5 times a week at a theatre in Vancouver, BC. My wife complained until I never played at all. I have ten awards for television direction, including a BAFTA, my wife complained until I took a job teaching at a top school, instead of directing, was one of the top teachers with the best student reviews, and then I got her a job at the same school. She then smeared me to management until I was fired without cause. Without my children, without my career. I got my level 1 ski instructors certification, and then, at age 61, got my Level 2 CSIA ski instructors certification, recognized internationally. I can teach skiing anywhere in the world. Ski instruction pays so little it's not possible to make a living from it. But I did it, she did nothing to stop me, and I feel great. But I stay here, in Vancouver, to fight through the courts for my autistic son. I will be broke by the end, but it is the right thing to do. Your video, Dr. Ramani, is the most powerful of any you have yet produced. No one is doing more to fight the scourge of this heinous personality disorder. Thank you for all you do. I still have a long way to go. But I will not be stopped.

Carlos Mich

1 week ago

I was the scapegoat in my family. I was abused terrible by my father told I was unlovable and a demon child. My father abused my siblings and mother too. He became extremely evil threatening to kill us daily and bury us in our backyard where we played. I didn’t even realize I was abused. I married a narcissist sociopath who tried killing me and threatened other time. I felt I deserved this treatment then buried it away in my mind. Finally after my x exhausted everything I had he abandoned me and our 2 sons who he was cruel to at times. He mostly did it when I wasn’t home then they would tell me about it. I confronted him but he would say they were too sensitive. After the abandoned my depression worsened and I tried committing suicide 2 xs. I believed my x left because I was what my father told me about myself. I’m still dealing with terrible depression and insomnia as well as migraines and a fuzzy mind. My memory is terrible as well. I was 55 b4 I understood what happened to me. I felt invisible all my life but didn’t want anyone to know because of what they would think. My life was stolen from me so I try to help others who feel worthless by always encouraging them because I know the pain they feel. Some are like me being told they are the problem not the abuser. I’ve connected with others who went through abuse as well. Thank you for all you do to help victims of this psychological torture that robs people’s souls.

Jim Tewarie

1 week ago

Thanks, dr Ramani

Inspired to take action. I survived physical and mental abuse ....

Thanks.

CheyStarr

1 day ago

Hi. i am new to this channel but it has quickly become my bible so to speak. I am as we speak in the midst of an ugly separation with a malignant narcissist. Thank you for these videos.

Caroline Hickling

1 week ago

Hello doctor if I had a chance I would say thank you too my narcissist, because he forced me into survival mode ,intern I had to do the work on myself, through education (EG YouTube books) I have a distant learning certificate in mentoring counselling hypnotherapy but most all psychotherapy and I'm feeling my faith.🗽🇺🇸🇬🇧

Liz

1 week ago (edited)

I believe I’m with a narcissist for 5 yrs. I’m smart, talented but Also have GAD, panic disorder, depression, low self esteem. He makes fun of me all the time that the couch has a hole in it cause I’m on it all the time. He has also said “what do you really contribute cooking and cleaning ?!?” He was so diff in the beginning he doesn’t get that he puts me down he thinks he’s as he would say “speaking the truth” and if I don’t like it I could leave then he tells me how he loves me so much and how he doesn’t know what he would do without me

Erika Valerie

2 days ago (edited)

To everyone escaping abusive narcissists - even if you are left 100% alone, disabled, & homeless like yours truly, even if everyone in your life sides with the narc, life is 100000% better when you have your potential and future back and you don’t have to see these creatures again. You will learn so much now that this info is finally available to the public. You will be able to identify these predators, even online, who are unfortunately everywhere. Life only gets better after you escape and learn the truth, even if you are alone and no one else understands but these survivor communities and trauma counselors like Dr Ramani. You have yourself and your life back. Life can only get better no matter how hard, because nothing, not even death, is worse than the living death caused by narcissistic abuse.

Gloria Craig

1 week ago

my son was harassed by his prep school and college, now. getting justice from a narcissist who has inflicted huge damage on him, and his brother. i didn't believe him at first, but now know, they were crippled by people from the past. i am very unhappy to hear this, all of their psychologists and psychiatrists appointments.

Pam Gori

1 week ago (edited)

You hit the target Dr.Ramani...excuse me while I grab the Kleenex🍀

Nyree Harris

1 week ago

My nice guy narc did everything he could to make sure I didn’t pass probation as a lawyer. I lost that job back in March. Now he’s happy again he’s the “breadwinner”. He makes half what I make.

Sandy-lee Chetty

1 week ago

My story is a harsh one of discount, devalue and abuse.This is exactly what my narc mother did to me years ago.I broke the ceiling on the limitations she imposed on me.I always think of it as I could have lived such a different life if she didn't do what she did, I took so much abuse while I was studying at college I almost failed and dropped out. Eventually I realised it was a game to rob me of my potential and opportunity that I spent years trying to rebuild.I don't think she will ever receive karma she as a narc always seems to get away with it.4 years ago I cut myself free from it and I was grateful. They have done a grave injustice (she and my sister to me)since my fathers passing.But I am free..alone but free.

SSS🌙

1 week ago

I saw an interesting reaction to people like this: blowing out other people's candles doesn't make the narc's candles shine any brighter.

Laura Kelly

1 week ago

I really get so much out of your videos. Your work is brilliant and important. Thank you so much. I am 66 yrs old now and my entire lifetime has been a story of working to untangle the weblike bounds of the mixed effect of my father's rage condition and my brother's development of a powerful narcissistic disorder. Of course mother and other siblings also all had their struggles and impact. It is unendingly fascinating, painful and poignant to see each one's struggle and also to be moved by the successes. To have the insight and perspective that you elaborate by explaining this condition is a powerful aid.

Tsunako kruse

6 days ago

Every interest and dream I had, she always had reasons why I couldn't/ wouldn't succeed. I could never do anything right, yet I have done well. I have had people n employers who saw my abilities n potential and pushed me when I was convinced I couldn't do them. Now their , both parents, attention has transferred to my kids, criticizing n attacking when they aren't happy or are jealous about something. N they are offended that they aren't allowed to have my kids phone numbers, hmm, why do u think that is?

Will Yamos

3 days ago

OMG thank you!!!!

fathia numi

6 days ago

I can relate to this it's happened to me more than once through my husband and with the people he was involved with in the business and it ruined our financial & personal lives when he was and after he was gone even after 10 years of suffering from

Kelley Fields

1 week ago

When I was a young girl I loved writing, journalism was my dream. I am new to this word... narcissist. Here I am turning 60 this year and discovering my Dad, who I spent my entire life trying to be good enough. Only to realize he was never going to give me that. He passed away 2 years ago...I cared for him the first two years he became extremely ill. His love was conditional...all the way to the end of his life. I never saw my dream of journalism become a reality, I still write and recently became involved with our election process. My passion for writing was still there, buried deep for 47 years.

Sadly, a sister has taken my Dad's place and she has told so many horrific lies about me and taken my other sister and brothers with her on this ride. I stay in contact with my Mother, but it's never been the same because of the damage my sister has done. This all still seems unreal...and I really want to confront her at times. Today I choose to not waste any more of my life, love shouldn't be that hard. No one should have to work that hard. I wish I had a family who says...I've got your back, when you need your family we have each other. That's not my life... sometimes we learn unconditional love through others.

Dr. Ramani, your message was powerful and it reminded me it is ok for me to take care of myself. Thank you🌼

Idk if this is applicable but my parents would be faking or half-assing that they are “supportive” of me and it contributed to my self doubt.

Donna Waters

1 week ago

Dr ramani you are brilliant you know exactly what is going on I know if didnt jump out of that fry pan on the last gaslighting I was fried I know I'm out but after 17 years I'm fighting so hard I trying I've always been so confident so it makes it so hard trying to explain to friends and family that keep saying your so strong how can this happen no matter how much time passes it feels like 1 step forward and 6 back how can someone do this to someone so strong I know I'm far from stupid I now understand what happened but they don't get it they make it worse I do know I'm meant to help nut I don't know how I do not have contact but are trying to help exes and new supply and are thanked for this it is the weirdest thing I have ever been through thanku from the bottom of my heart for giving me a little peace in my brain

Carolyn Bateman

1 week ago

Biggest freedom came to me when I radically stopped blaming others for anything. It was no longer what happened to me, what someone else did - but what I did and thought that set me free. I changed from trusting others to trusting myself and God for my meaning. It was like discovering a supper power . I still can’t find a concept in psychology better than internal locus of control

Beáta Szitásová

1 week ago

Sometimes I felt like he almost tried to convince me to stop going to university, he kept mentioning how it's a shame that I still have to study, because otherwise we could finally live together and have children and it always made me cringe, because he was really bad with money and I knew he would not be able to support a family. Thankfully, I was realistic and never considered dropping out, so he did not succeed in destroying my future.

He also used to joke about my university education, that it will go to waste, because I will still end up working at McDonald's, but now I have the IT job he always wanted but could not get ;D

Christoph M.

1 week ago

In my first year of teaching my boss made life hell for me. Since I'm experienced with narcissists, I didn't let him kill my love for this job.

金高灵

4 days ago

The narcissistic parent gifts you to the narcissistic partner.

Ludna Andre

1 week ago

It was your work Dr. Ramani, with Medcircle that began opening my eyes to reality of my life and the quality of the relationships in it. Having been abused by a narcissistic psychopath step father for half my life, my world was full of suffering from undiagnosed C-PTSD, ADHD, Fibromyalgia, and Autism. I felt powerless, hopeless, and victimized by my own existence. I still feel like that on days like today. But there’s a difference now - I’m informed, I’m aware. I started therapy last year and it was through my sessions, spiritual awakening, and self directed research I discovered that my mother was not a victim of the abuse as Id always thought - but actually a covert narcissist with histrionic tendencies. And that I was her special supply. It wasn’t until I found “The Body Keeps the Score” that I finally understood why a decades worth of doctors visits couldn’t explain my chronic pain and deteriorating physical health. I was being depleted mentally, physically, and emotionally by the one person I felt I truly had in the world. It has been earth shattering to say the least. Especially since because of my health, I am currently living with her. I have never felt more wracked with grief, but I have also never felt so FREE! I feel my consciousness expanding daily as I question and reprogram my subconscious of all the vile, abusive, and limiting beliefs that were running my life and keeping my psyche in conflict/anxiety.

I am so glad to come across this video today in particular - because after entering the workforce at 19 and feeling drained and unfulfilled by every job I’ve had, I am taking my life into my own hands and creating financial freedom for myself at 26. I have taken the first steps towards my own investment business and the potential of my success has been gripping me with fear! I know I’m more than capable but I’m scared shitless. Fear of failure but also fear of success. What a joke! Just externalising some of these thoughts has given me enough strength to take the next step. The freedom that comes with unlearning the shit you’re fed about your worth and potential by a narc who’s too scared to face their own shadow, is absolutely priceless. You become unfuckwithable. Let’s step into our power together.

Shannon Drury

1 week ago

I love your videos. It is crazy how you put situations as examples and they really hit home for me. Thank you for the videos.

Leslie Fodor

1 week ago

Yes.my father was a narcissist,my fiancee is a narcissist.my Father Louis,told me to write down all of my ideas.there were over 400 pages of fabulous ideas.i am literally the richest person in the world.but my fiancee is holding holding all the cards.i met my fiancee when we were barely born.

Cindra Reed

1 week ago

I am 29 years old. All of my actual passions were shut down for one reason or another as a child by my mother. My career trade was chosen for me by her. My hesitation at 15 was met with a major verbal attack. This woman after forcing me into a trade (that to be fair I do enjoy) went to one of my first employers to basically talk her into thinking I was not cut out for this either. My excitement from my days at work and new experiences were met with judgement and harsh criticism about how shallow I was.

Long story short even in my late 20s I'm still working and growing. I just received 3 incredible job opportunities and realized my fear was coming from her voice (the bully) in my head. This constant thought of...."dont even try because you probably cant or won't because xyz" I cut contact at 19 and never looked back and i continue to stand by this decision. Thank you for this video!!!

Tomo Hristic

2 days ago

❤️

Lisa Snaidero

6 days ago

I just can’t find the words...

Peteena Poodle Why Styvan? Why?

1 week ago

Are chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia related to being raised by a narcissist?

jessica perez

1 week ago

I was able to finish my Masters degree and find two jobs. I am completely independent, he thought that I needed his money.

Leo Lordman

1 week ago

My wife, who I've been with since we were 16( be 49 next month)cheated on me from 03 to 07 and only stopped because she was caught, she wanted me to stay, begged me not to leave, then 2 years later I became so ill I was bedridden and was in and out of ICU, coma and family called in because they said I wouldn't make it. 2 years into my illness she stopped being there, oh we lived in same house but till march of 2020 I was just there to pay Bills. She literally wants to bleed me dry emotionally and financially. I've never gotten over the affair and I never got an answer as to why. Now I'm better we've been working on things, but then I find out she was hiding a coworkers number and some other things. She got busted with a reliable hacker who helped me hack into her iPhone,facebook,Instagram, Whats-App, Text messages, deleted call messages, twitter and email account as far back as 2 years.He's available 24HOURS. Calls OR Text On WhatsApp +12626837511. Contact him for closure greatermindhacker AT gmail.com ...Now I know the truth, she says she's done.

What should i do at this point? Any ideas?

i don't know if i still love her after all we've been through.

Brianna Collins

5 days ago

Ok I have a narcissistic, abusive boss. I desperately want to leave but it’s during COVID and I feel like it’s impossible to get a different job.

Jeanette Hablewitz

1 week ago

yep. sneaky and blatantly. i am best alone to fulfill my visions without negative remarks and swindle of energy.

Argile Australia

1 week ago

A small gift I'm giving myself during this healing phase is to grant myself one wish a week - even if its just something very small like granting my wish to take a walk at the beach... if weather allows...

Katyayani

1 week ago

I was robbed of my voice. Not only did I stop speaking up for myself, I stopped expressing myself about anything. During and after breaking up, one of the most healing things for me was working on my own goals and dreams and expressing myself that way, specifically my book, at the time. I published the book he always told me was stupid, 4 years later: www.WisdomFromKingSolomon.com .

Antoine Lyles

1 week ago

Lost my career as well as my sanity. I learned alot and bounced back better.

susan mayfield

1 week ago

My narcissist was my therapist. We clicked really well and he crossed the boundaries and became a friend. Or so I thought. When I started I was in a good place and had a wonderful job and great friends and a happy life. In the beginning he smothered me with gifts and attention but then slowly he became passive aggressive and would give me digs and insults and I would leave my sessions feeling worse about myself. He isolated me and I lost some dear friendships, my job, was broke and near homeless. I was addicted to his love bombing and used every ounce of myself for it to happen again. I was constantly confused and still am today because he left me with absolutely nothing. In fact he would demean me about not having a life when he was the one who cut off all the people in my life. He tortured me with information I gave him in sessions and if I ever upset him I’d get the silent treatment. He totally tore me down and now I have to find a way to build myself back up again...alone.

Kathy Aotearoa

1 week ago

After being suddenly discarded by my narcissistic partner at midlife, I enrolled in art school (my childhood dream, and something he would have thought frivolous). It was an act of 'denial of grief', but also of self love. At the time I was in shock and panic and had no idea where I was heading. But I imagined I was plodding along the 'yellow brick road' to an unknown future. It was financially difficult and took me a decade to finish. But it gave me dignity and validation. I am still a 'work in progress' but I have no regrets about lost dreams.

Donyae Ponder

1 week ago

Amazing 🙌🏾

Brad Porter

1 week ago

She was an angel sent into my life.

When i was at the depths of despair she was there.

I called her my Amazing Grace. Then, I moved across country to be with her.

The day that I arrived I said, "Where's the fun, happy go lucky person that I met?"

She said, "This is the real world." That's when the abuse started.

First, I had to pull myself out of depression. I was prohibited from doing what I enjoyed. Music, art and family.

2 years of drudgery and I realized I was n a codependent relationship.

2 more years go by and I realize I'm back in another narcissistic relationship. (ex wife and my mother before this one)

In the meantime I've figured out ways to be creative and fulfilled.

I'm in this relationship 8 years now, educating myself, gathering strength.

I'm 57 years old and have had 3 relationships. All with narcissists. My Mom, ex wife and fiance.

Before I die, I swear that I will be in a health relationship.

I hope there is such a thing...

Tracy

1 week ago

I cried too. Thank you.

Lucy

1 week ago

I don't think I ever had any dreams beyond getting away from my mother and owning a toilet that worked right.

Judy Fahnestock

1 week ago (edited)

Wow - it’s hard to know where to start. I just found this channel and have been drinking the videos in daily like a parched hiker in the desert. I was raised as an only child by a single, narcissistic mother. I had no life, no dreams, no hope until I left for college at 17 and then, my head was so messed up that I didn’t know what to think. When I left, the ties were cut by her briefly so that I could continue to feel guilty and suffer. I could write a book. Anyone I tried to talk with thought I was just being overly sensitive because they could never know what it was like behind our closed doors. Thank you for these videos. I’m 58 now and have two lovely grown children and a healthy relationship with my patient husband. I’m thankful for the therapist who once told me that I would need to start over to have a “real family”. But the reality remains that my self-confidence is ‘toast’ and I have spent my whole life grieving for the childhood and mother that I never had. Also, sadly, though I am in a healthy relationship, I don’t really believe that my husband’s support is sincere because how could someone be so selfless and supportive to someone else? And, even though we have been married for 23 years, I keep a bed frame in the garage so I have something to sleep on if I have to leave and get my own place because I will not be pinned down and left helpless again. Pretty sad that I still don’t feel secure after 23 years...

J Slade

1 week ago

Catching the inner saboteur at work and then defusing him is the tricky one!

Elena Robertson

1 week ago

Thank you so much❤️

Hila Glam

1 week ago

My boss was a narc at fired me just when I lost my apartment and my health. Why? Because I proved to deserve a better job and better pay, I've done so much for everyone and I wanted to work in the department in which they were dealing with the things I studied in high education for many years. When he realized I had other aspirations in life than being his puppet, he became cruel and he decided to take it our on me just when I had a very big financial crisis in my life. While watching this video now I checked the last texts between us on a technical problem he didn't fix about my paycheck, and even then, when I wasn't his employee anymore, he still tried to patronize and tell me what to do and what not to say. I replied professionally and calmly, wrote that it was his responsibility as my direct supervisor, not mine. It felt great to be in a position where I could backfire the truth just a little bit. And I plan on doing great things with myself as a freelancer, so that one day I'll visit the office to see my friends there and make his eyes pop out of their holes :)

Denise Nason

1 week ago

My parents measured a person by the wealth they had in the bank but they were the most spiritually bankrupt people I have ever met.

They raised me in a religion that celebrates poverty. It was also the church tactic to send the message of money is bad....so give it to us.

Anytime money and self sufficiency came up, it was always followed by words of selfish, being a miser, and unenlightened. To be rich is to be out of G*d's favor. This really fed into my mom's mentality of dont succeed financially. It limited my options and self esteem/sufficiency. That was exactly where she wanted me, under her thumb.

V V

1 week ago

I needed to get this off my chest. I met this person in my office when I was working and he was working in another department. He was a covert narcissist and I knew something was off about the way he treated me, was like one moment he would call me out and smile and the other moment he would smirk. I just couldn't understand. After I left he even reached out to me to tell me that he wanted to ask me out and I was like ok I understand he was shy because so am I. But his comments were always backhanded slighting disappear appear tepling me that I am a narcissist myself. He even went a length to point that out to me. Talking to him was like walking on egg shell, never stopped flaunting about how he was saving the world by working in a fortune 500 company. He also made fun of me that I was depending on my family and a coward to stay with them. I should get out and live away. I suspect he was seeing other women too. He spoiled my birthday. He also dropped hints where I felt he was interested into very young women almost half his age. Now we are not in touch and he does hoover but IDGAF and I am glad Dr ramani put a name to this sick behaviour else I would have thought I am at fault. I was going through a terrible financial crisis when we met, and though I never sought his help, he would insist I should trust him and go out with him. I guess I was very vulnerable then. Love you Dr Ramani for giving me a hope. I am still recovering. I have been smear campaigned too btw.

Roland Chelala

11 hours ago

Powerful Powerful ... POWERFUl !!! A true leader.

Kristine Willems

6 days ago

👥 on-fair, on-eerlijk, on-vriend-lelijk 👥

Wendy F

1 week ago (edited)

I got laid off and was so paralyzed from not having any confidence it took me 8 months to get the courage to interview - and my new job was basically handled to me, which is what I needed to gain even an ounce of confidence. Despite being miserable I was afraid to leave - frozen from fear - they turned my biggest strengths into huge weaknesses (on my review, which they blindsided me with, which they’re not supposed to do without bringing it up so you can correct or defend it). I looked up PTSD symptoms and had all of them: withdrawn (to avoid talking or thinking about it), depressed, relived the events over and over, nightmares, insomnia, extreme anger thinking, hearing, or seeing anything related to that place) - it affected my personality and my relationships in a very negative way - I was at the lowest of lows. It’s a year later and I still have residual doubt in my abilities (thoroughness is labeled “slow”), I beat myself up over mistakes, etc. I read into everything and usually think ambiguous comments are veiled insults. I have to reprogram my brain and it isn’t easy or automatic - my counselor told me the real crime is when people believe they’re no good based on narcissistic boss’s.

Miss Mia

1 week ago

I need to hear these things because I am close to jumping

Stefany Mayz

1 week ago

I love the part at the end where you say to give yourself permission to cut off those bags of sand. It’s something I need to remind myself 💔 Dr Ramani, do you have any videos about dealing with the guilt of cutting someone off? Especially if it’s a parent? I experience a lot of that (most of it is in my own head). Would love to hear more about that topic ❤️

Skye Simons

1 week ago

What if the narcissist abuser in my life is myself.

Elizabth Scott

1 week ago

I am free.My mother,ex husband and two sons,are no longer in mu life.

Lou Lou

1 week ago

I have an evil narc mother and have lived with great shame and self-doubt all my life. She has basically ruined my life. She was also violent. I managed to get my Masters degree, left my home country to get away from the narcissist, moved abroad for good, left the whole family behind including 2 brothers and a sister (I was the scapegoat of 4 siblings), have bought my own home, have a beautiful teenage daughter whom I have kept away from the narcissists back in my home country, mainly to protect her. Then I ran into trouble and ended up with a very randiose covert narc partner for 12 long years. He stole my soul, exploited me, played on all my vulnerabilities and now I am 15 months NC, I am finally off anti-depressants and Lexomil anti-anxiety drugs, am looking for a new job because I am just about starting to "believe in myself" and I am also 45 so time is running out, I have finally decided that I AM good enough and that my life is NOT for rent. I never had the courage to look for better jobs before but now I am doing it. I never had the courage to go full NC with my narc mother either so its partial NC ie. I never phone her, contact is limited to the odd email and a Christmas card. I will never forgive my family nor my ex partner but I have literally hoisted myself up out of rumination and absolute bitterness into a life of joy and hope. Everyday I do one thing that makes me happy, this is intentional. I concentrate on ME, my daughter, the friends I can trust and I only live an intentional life. I know all the red flags and no narc or toxic person will ever get into my life again. Hope you are all doing the same !! Much love xx

Kylie McFerrin

1 week ago (edited)

I married at 24 and was lucky enough to quit my job as a dental assistant to stay at home with my children full time. My goal has always been achieving a doctorate . I went to school off and on and each time asked my husband to pick up some of the slack in the household. He always said, "Sure absolutely." and then once I would have class/labs taking up "too much of my time" he said, he complained until I would quit. What confused me was why he was always supportive at first. I've always wondered why that would be. After we separated I enrolled full time at Loyola. My husband bitched to me on the phone telling me I was not entitled to an education. Ugh.

Adrienne Douke

1 week ago

Mine was a covert. Got me feeling sorry for him (NEVER be romantically involved with someone you feel sorry for-they will always be the victim). 36 years later..He got the second chance he wanted (2nd family-4 children) Got me to invest my inheritance on a piece of land. We were going to be homesteaders. During the whole 23 years I spent there with him, raising a family, paying the bills etc. he made my life miserable- I thought the place just had an awful lot of mishaps- He turned my dream into a nightmare and I had to walk away from my dream of being a homesteader.

He basically stole the best years of my life. Ruined our family, ruined the life he said we would live and that I invested thousands of dollars into.

In terms of developing the place, or improving the house etc. He would always say: You can't do this unless you do that, and you can't do that unless you do this...Until in the end I didn't even want to try to do anything, because all I ever heard from him is "You Can't"..

Happily, he left for good over 7 years ago, and I have made my place a cute little sanctuary. I have planted my own flowers and gardens and tend to them, I have made this place beautiful. Have I made mistakes? Of course I have. At least now I can try my ideas out, if they don't work, maybe try something else...But at least I'm giving it a go. The interesting result? I've seen way more success than failure with most of the ideas I try, and I no longer hear "You can't" instead I hear: " Yes you can! Give it a go!"

M.P. De Vita

1 week ago

Thank you!!! So much for your work!

Debbie Lu

1 week ago

This is your best video yet. Thank you!

Nitza Perez

1 week ago

Omg! Yes! This is me! I haven’t even watched the video! I’m like 1 min in... but I was on a road for success and I met my narcissist and he would constantly tell me everything I was doing wasn’t enough... or wasn’t good. Or it was wack... and listening to this every single day rlly gets to you. So you start to believe it. Almost 7.5 years of this abuse really had a toll on me. I supported him, and helped him reach and achieve MY dream. And I’m healing as we speak. It’s hard. But it’s better to heal from 7.5 years then to deal with it for 7.5 more years... I gave up on everything... I gave up on all my goals. And it feels like I’ve thrown away. Entire adult life... but I know it’s not over.... I’m slowly starting to understand that this is just the beginning.

Roxanne Smith

1 week ago

This is a video summary of my life...

Robert Huber

1 week ago (edited)

I almost lost EVERYTHING on account of the narc I knew...my college goals, faith, friends (from isolation), my SANITY...the list could go on for days.

I left in Dec. 2018 and NEVER looked back to see the psycho/deranged/alcoholic/hoarding/conniving/narcissistic drunk AGAIN!

And now I THRIVE!!!

I was a literal shell of a human being when I left the narc in complete SILENCE that day [because I didn't share one SHRED of where i was moving to, whom with, etc. knowing how underhanded the narc was already.] I had siphoned my few belongings out of the narc's household by then, and appeared [to the narc's perspective] to be leaving with only my car and a few clothes I feigned to leave behind for an illusion of having anything left to take at all...in actuality my things had been moved out for weeks already.

Anyway, after being hoovered some 3 months and then 6 months later...not another WORD has passed from me to the narc. I'm gone forever and you're now as alone without me as I EVER was with you and the trainwreck of your drunken delusional and EMPTY mind/body/soul.

I'm back on track with college, faith slowly returning to me...in contact with friends and family more than EVER now...and these things will never be taken from me again.

Only someone who has experienced the absolute MISERY of a narcissist knows to leave and NEVER look back. Life has its problems still, but it's absolutely a thousand times better than remaining with a narc who only seeks to sabotage everything you are because of the very miserable self THEY actually are, and yet by the same token never choose to take one shred of accountability for the very destruction and misery they cause everyone in their life.

Thanks again, Dr. Ramani and love from Dallas, TX to everyone!!!

Survive and thrive...leave the narc with nothing more than the clothes on your back if that's what it takes to get out.

Dr. Ramani is correct in saying it takes a superpower to leave a narc...I can only thank GOD for the ungodly patience I had in silently ousting the narc at their own game.

Ella DeFantis

1 week ago

I gave up myself, leaving New York City, my home at 58 yrs old, responding to my 36 yr old, then, daughter's cries to help w/1st newborn baby, in Florida where they live still. I moved, giving up all I ever knew, my job of 18 yrs, friends, family, apartment I had 15 yrs, months after her child turned 1 yr old. I soon learned I was stuck in an abusive narcissistic/alcoholic trap! I've been in Florida about 8 yrs now, granddaughter is turning 9. My daughter became an alcoholic upon giving birth, smoking pot throughout her pregnancy. The alcoholism persists today with attempts at stopping between. For me learning about alcoholic and narcissistic behaviors, I've turned surviver, an individual/grandma seeking to thrive. After all my narcs abuse yr after year, I get it! I feel strong, informed & equipped! I smile much morebnow, I'm more carefree. I'm grateful! My grandbaby, almost 9, is used by mom in the triangulation ploy to hurt & dismiss my open hearted availability, attentive nature, my money for child's needs only particularly, and energy, as if meaning nothing, not at all appreciated. I have and expect to be in hell on & off, while grandbaby grows enough to protect herself.

Lucky I don't live with them or need to, but do live close enough by.

The stories I could tell if I had the chance, would cause reason for alarm.

I am limited by the Covid 19 issues in Florida for last five months, it doesn't help living with so many limitations being I'm retired now, financially fixed monthly. My life inevitably has revolved around my granddaughter as possible. I'm the only present, available, predictably given member of the family, other's aren't equally given to care, or able to

show up in an emergency.

The child's dad has been in or out of jail most of her life. So I feel, I am where I'm supposed to be for today for her well being and stability, as I'm allowed to, or she to be with me, due to mom's obsessive controlling. It's triangulation, now that the child is able to understand and take sides, or be manipulated. Naturally it's caused me great grief & heartache for no reason. I love my granddaughter deeply, she loves me equally, so that love is used as a power leverage tool to punish me regularly. I'll be 68, am on antidepressants that cause insomnia for over a year to navigate myself through with better ease. Because of the antidepressant, I'm up mostly every night to the daylight, as I refuse prescription sleeping aids, for the adverse side effects. Yes, I'm stuck in ways since wanting to help support, be of comfort to my daughter & her child, at a price I never would have imagined, though doing my part to help myself. My email is :

ellade103@gmail.com.

You may have thoughts on my story, you could share directly.Thank You for providing your time and expertise in all the unimaginable scenarios, for so many like me!

I understand so much more today. God Bless You! I always tune into your, heads-up (much loved) videos ❤️🤗🌹🌿😉

Mehreen Gul

4 days ago

My cousin married a narcissist, they met in law school. They went on to work for the same firm, he was incredibly charming and funny. He was also controlling something my cousin and our family missed. He dictated everything she did. What she wore, who she was friends with etc. They got married and for 3 years he completely shattered her confidence. My cousin was in the top 5 at Columbia and he talked her into quitting her job and staying at home. She became depressed, started to pop pills and had to be hospitalized. My aunt and my mom eventually intervened and convinced her to leave him. Divorcing him was a nightmare even though they had prenuptial agreement. She is better now has started to work as an attorney agin but is still in therapy thanks to that piece of work.

J. D. Stephens

1 week ago

There are 50 dislike ratings for this video! Wow. Must be narcs.

patricia stewart

1 week ago

These are the aspects I hate the most in my Narcissist partners and family.

Romanikko Ralph

1 week ago

I just got out of a narcissistic relationship with my so called best friend. He was never really happy for me and he always thought he was above everyone else.

geckomom74

12 hours ago

I'm dying...physically. I didn't realize I was with a N. I was a homeowner, social worker, respected and loved myself...now I'm sick, my house burned down its half built And he is perfectly content to stay on a couch while I sit in a car. All the attention has to be on him. I wish I realized this years ago! They said the stress is what has made me so sick. Now I realizeI'll be the 2nd wife to die... And he will get all the sympathy and attention he wants. My yard looks like a junkyard, My family has abandoned me, And he lies to me multiple times A-day with no other reason but to make me think I've lost my mind. I don't know if it's too late to get myself well, But I thought that I had True love. He was a very good manipulator for years, He manipulated everyone in my family. No one knows what changed but it changed on a dime and he is a different person... I refuse to have a life insurance policy in fact I hope there isn't one on me that I don't know About. I told him I don't want a bounty on my head. But it almost seems whatever I tell him I don't want, he instantly does. The 1st time he left me ( For 4 days) 6 years Was the day after I asked him to promise he would never leave me until after I was gone from this world. Now it's a constant threat and he leaves and will sit in a parking lot for hours while I contemplate. And my heart breaks. my 1st relationship that lasted 23 years To an abusive substance abuser and alcoholic and An all around degenerate... I met him as a teenager when I didn't love myself and was very CO dependent although I didn't know it. It took me years to work through all that. I've recently realized my CO dependency is back with a vengeance, And I had closed my heart chakra off so I wouldn't be hurt by my ex years ago. It took a lot of work and a solo trip to Peru to open it backup so I could fully experience his love and love him the way he deserved to be love, or so I thought... I'm now afraid to become closed off again, Because it was so hard to break that Shell. I am determined to have a legitimate loving relationship with something other than a dog ;) Which by the way because of my displacement I have no dogs nothing to look forward to and no purpose... I especially love dog training And because of this plandemic Even the shelters are closed. I did make an appointment with a therapist and I hope he has Some experience in this Area. I am truly suffering inside and out, In fact I've lost 40 pounds in one year and I can feel my body giving up. Thank you for your videos I'm glad I found them, I really didn't believe that this was what he was for such a long time! Unfortunately I'm left once again with lots of pieces to pick up, And of course that inner hope that he will change. But what I do know... I've written my own books ( In journals, But boy I'd love to have some published Someday) Is that in general when people find what works, they don't change. And I think this suits him just fine. I literally have no outlet I talk to my chickens, my plants and myself. I need a support system however I gave up Facebook and so much technology. When I got with him I gave up all my friendsBecause I was so in love And spent all my time with him. Now I have never been So Alone in all my life!

Joy McArthur

1 week ago

First husband was a charmer and a narc. He tried to convince me to quit nursing school because he claimed it was 'too stressful' for me. He future faked me into near oblivion with what I call preemptive lying. Telling me about all the cool (and important) things he would be doing in the future but strangely never did. Example: He claimed he was called upon by God to preach the gospel therefore I needed to put my major life goals on hold. (Who wants to compete with God after all.) Seems he figured God was his 'flying monkey'. For a long time I made major life decisions based on his claims. But he never took any steps to go to seminary or do any of the other things he claimed he was going to do. Years passed. During that marriage I did graduate at top of my class and launched a great career as a RN. During that relationship, it seemed that if there was something I wanted; he made it his business to see that it did not happen. When it got to the point that I would overtly take a position precisely opposite of what I REALLY wanted or thought just to get him to possibly go along with what I really wanted; I had to ask myself why I was still there. Sex was nonexistent for the last 5 years of our marriage. He was so angry all the time that I started wishing he would go out and get layed so he would at least be in a better mood. After 20 years of this mess, I left. It took me a long time to shake off the anger I felt toward him. Today, I do as I want. My now husband and I just finished building our own house. Every nail, every board, ourselves. That was something I wanted to do for a long time. During my first marriage I was not even allowed to touch tools. Husband #1 kept them locked away like they were gold bars. Today I rely on no one for my happiness except myself. And my life rocks.

Miss E

1 week ago

Dr. Ramani, please stay angry because you're putting out exceptional content! After a marriage fraught with narcissistic abuse, and having a child with another abuser, I'm a shell of my former self. I used to have my dream my career and was at my pinnacle, only to fall into a deep, deep hole. It's taken me several years to dig myself out. I'm not there yet, but I've learned a lot in these trenches, and I hope to soar to greater heights than I was at before.

Ana Isabel Gómez Iñiguez

1 week ago

i didn’t see it clearly, but my mother told me “he has been stopping you from living for three years” and i was like “of course not, got my masters degree, i’m still doing things” but the truth is that even if school was always easy for me, in the moment he entered my life, i could barely read, when the discarding phase started my whole brain was thinking about him... i started to have health issues because i was forcing myself to do homework and research while thinking of him. then the love bombing started again and i felt slightly relieved, i finally graduated, i remember thinking “now i can think freely and focus on school because he is with me”. he discarded me again while i was searching for a new job, i couldn’t even eat because he was acting so mean and i had to figure him out first... the love bombing started again and i once again thought “now i can start looking for jobs because my life is in order with him”. i got a job and he discarded me again... but this time i actually caught him cheating, confronted him with evidence and FINALLY went no contact. maybe we didn’t get married or lost my entire life by his side, but he was very specific with the discarding periods, i still miss him, but his intention was actually to destroy me :(

Naara C.

1 week ago

I love this woman 🥰 i will translate this video to portuguese.

JAZ Farm

1 week ago

Don’t even know where to start. Everything you said rings absolutely true with me. I have fought since birth and done extraordinary things to still be alive. Posting here would be to minimize its intensity. Just imagine living in a hail storm for decades. Constantly being pelted. My therapist has asked me several times, “How is it that you are still alive?” My answer was that I developed a warrior mind set, lost any sense of doing anything worthwhile except not dying and I almost failed. I am finding happiness now in my late 50’s but laying down the hyper-vigilance when all of society seems to be just like my old man, has proven to be another challenge.. I. Trust. No. One.

Ferma Azmat

1 week ago

This put a lump in my throat... i will soar. I promise. x

Green Earth

1 week ago (edited)

I agree with everything you mentioned in the video. Here are few more examples of how Narcs sabotage us, from my experience.

1. When you are proposing a new idea or solution, Narc tries hard to prove its a bad idea, with far fetched arguments. However, if you come prepared for all the questions and present in a way that it cannot be refuted, then they will crack a joke or distract the audience to a different topic. This is to make sure you don't get credit for your ideas or break your confidence so you will run your ideas by them before presenting it to the team, so they can steal them before you have a chance to present.

2. They may say they are "concerned" about people but deliberately give them bad advice, in an attempt to sabotage them.

"You look fabulous in baggy clothes"(when in reality those clothes look very unflattering on you),

"you are working too hard. Why don't you take a vacation instead of doing an internship"

"Money isn't everything. You have a high paying job, but don't seem to be happy. May be you should take another job that will give you work life balance even if it pays less",(when in reality you are super happy with your job and are nowhere near a burnout),

"Why do you always have to eat healthy? You should make your body adjust to all sorts of food. Come on have some ice cream"(forces you to eat an ice cream when in reality you are perfectly happy with home made organic meals)

"You don't need Sunscreen all the time. It's healthy to be bare faced to make Vitamin D. Research shows that. (Then the Narc meets you next day wearing Sunscreen)

3. If you ignored their bad advice and continued to make progress, then expect them to steal your possessions or send some flying monkeys your way as a way of punishment.

Desiree Cates

1 week ago

I feel like the phoenix rising from the ashes, I feel like I can finally breathe and stretch out my arms to fly.

Rachel DeJong

1 week ago

´Surviving narcissistic abuse is nothing short of a super power´. Yay, I have a super power and I am passing it on to my kids :-)

sarah j.

1 week ago

even the act of going no contact with a toxic family marks a person.

many people are then suspicious of you.. what is wrong with YOU that you have no family?? they're wicked to the core, they deserve to burn.

Patty ann

1 week ago

My husband is really bad about this , he drives me most everywhere, if I say I want to go do something, he talks about the weather , too hot , going to rain , it’s getting late and he’s tired , if I say I think about a part time job or go to school , or any Dream , he tells me why , your 60 years old , you don’t have to , it just goes on and on , he has something depressing or negative to say about everything, if I talk about anything in my life , of coarse he has to one up me and it all becomes him , if my family is over or friends he makes sure he takes all their attention , all my kids love him , think he’s great , so he made sure he did that . It gets old and tiring , he constantly brags about himself to others it’s tiring listening to his same old bragging about his life , if women are around he has to make sure he flirts and acts charismatic and cool around them and carry on , with his accomplishments or whatever he wants to brag about , he dominates all conversations , he has to talk on his phone every morning to at least 3 guy friends , it’s strange to me but he actually spends hours on the phone with his buddies , he pretty much ignores me unless it’s small talk , here and there and he is non sexual , non affectionate, he will give me a little kiss once or twice a day , but never attention or touching and when he is in the mood maybe once every two weeks , he seduces me by saying at 10 pm - wanna do it 😄 when we were first got married he never wanted to be affectionate or touch me or compliment me , and I got real hurt over this , I was married before and my husband that died was over loving to me and affectionate so I didn’t understand what was wrong and took it personally, now , years later I don’t care anymore , sex is uncomfortable and I don’t like it with him anymore but I do it and tolerate it so he will leave me alone , he suffocates my every minute though with stupid stuff , like he acts like he can’t hear me so I have to repeat myself over and it’s just crazy making behavior , he really has diminished my life so much - so I no longer have anyone to talk to , not a friend , I am home daily , I get lonely . Depressed.

But he’s old now and doubt he will be around forever and I guess I am just biding my time , trying to get along with him and I take care of my garden and home and try and stay positive , all of you great people that have videos that help us understand Narcissism, have really encouraged me , taught me so I don’t feel alone thank you ❤️it helps more than you know ❤️

Geald Brisoce

1 week ago

Thanks love your channel I'm glad you started it

Eva Arlers

6 days ago

❤❤❤❤❤

mela cord

1 week ago

Love you, doctor !

berserkerbambi

5 days ago

What do you mean it is never too late? It's often too late.

Peter Deneke

3 days ago

My parents did not care about my education

American Patriot

1 week ago

I wanted to go to medical school. I wanted to be a physician. My mother crushed and annihilated by dreams and my goals. She destroyed my confidence. I never thought that I was even capable of medical school. I got as far as working on my degree in microbiology as a pre-med student but I fell apart because I could hear her telling me that I would never make it. I got destroyed by her. I never finished my degree. And I married a narcissist. I lost myself. I was gone. I didn’t exist as a person. I had children. They became my life and I encouraged them to dream and to have goals. My oldest two sons are physicians! One is an ER physician and the other is an interventional radiologist. They did very well. But I’m still lost. Still trying to find me again. I was abused by my narcissistic adoptive mother. I spent many days locked in a dark closet sitting on a cold floor. I felt safe in the closet because she couldn’t hit me. I cry when I think about what she did to me. I cry for the little girl whose mother wanted her destroyed. The abuse was worse than I can write about. I’m trying to find my way back. It’s easier now because my adoptive mother is dead. She died a horrible death. I don’t miss her. Her soul was black and putrid. And she’s gone. But I’m here trying to find me. Still.

Sarah B

1 week ago

I was in a relationship with a narcissistic, physical abuser. I saw little signs here and there little like pushes, always wanted to know who I’m talking too. The last straw for me is when he slammed my head against a open car door frame and it split my ear in two. I left that same day I got out of the emergency room. To ALL women if you stay I don’t want to hear any excuses. After a while you have to start holding yourself accountable for your own actions. Women aren’t victims you make yourself a victim when you stay. Let’s talk truth You know damn well you should leave but for selfish reason you stay.

Sam Howler

1 week ago

Think the hardest and saddest thing is that being raised by narcissist parents brought out the worst in me.

You speak from your heart and soul. Powerful touching words.

Kanwal Kumar

1 week ago

I am a survivor- a happy one but mystory is too long to describe here

Regina Vandyk

1 week ago

I would love too speak too you after 48 yrs wasted.

I'm asked , what hobbies are you interested in ?????? BIGGEST QUESTION I HAVE EVER BEEN ASKED, I HAVE NO IDEA.

" What do you like doing?" , I HAVE NO IDEA.

IM NOW STUCK , I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW IM NOT BEING THREATENED TOO DO WHAT THEY SAID

Azbibby

1 week ago (edited)

This is a long one...but can't sleep so I'll share

We met when we were 14, he was literally the boy next door. He became my best friend & we were inseparable. Then at 19 I had our son. Who's the reason why I breathe . Determined not to become a statistic, I moved into his family's home. Mainly to escape my abusive upbringing and became engulfed with his enabling family. Whom I allowed to assist me with putting my dreams aside, to make sure he would succeed. At 25 I had my daughter my sweet, Heavenly Stone. I devoted my entire life to my children and husband. So I guess at 30 he got tired of me and went looking for a new supply. A narcissistic supplier. He started an entire new relationship with someone else. We were separated for only nine months, in which he spent that time gas-lighted me with empty promises of a fix marriage. Promises of moving as a family, to TX too start over. NEW FLASH! Me his wife, was missing from that story line. I discovered he was with that person for 3 years, she and I found out about each other the same exact time. 2 women who believed in someone else's dream. According to her she thought I was very special aunt (who the kids called mommy) and I only knew her as his coworker (Daddy's friend). Hents why she moved to TX for him. I was so blinded to the abuse that I allowed my children to spend that summer with him in Texas. He has always been 10 steps ahead of me. Crazy but my life is turned into a Telenovela. He filed an order of protection that prevented me from taking my children back to New York. He made sure to keep his supply constant. Being a part form my children is a struggle EVERYDAY. I realize I'm traumatized. My abuser has a co-conspirator who is blinded by his abusive nature. Instead of cultivating a relationship with my children, they spend their time keeping us apart; however I could not let that be my story. 3 years ago I walked away from everything and started a new life in Arizona. For years I would listen to friends and family telling me how great I am but having a "husband cape" felt more secure. So when the cape fail to fly me to my destination, I took it off and created a new one & I call it "self love". I've accomplish so much on my own which include the start of nursing school, Finally! Most days I feel on top of the world. I know one day my children will return to me so I spend my time preparing for that. I make sure to let them know I love them everyday. Still a work in progress but I can't believe how far I've come.

Just turned 36 and I'm still in the mix. I feel better now that I've shared some my story.

Satisfy Helter-Skelter

3 days ago

But the worst part for me now is that even though I know that those things were violence, lies, manipulations and abuse I didn't deserve, on a deep, emotional level I feel that I did and do deserve it..

How can you convince yourself that you did not? ...

Nicole Lyon

1 week ago

Me doing my morning makeup routine while listening to this video: Oh snap, I didn't realise it was gonna be one of 'those' videos....dont cry, dont cry, or you'll have to re-do your makeup all over again!! 🤦‍♀️

Jessie Blossom

1 week ago

I lost 10 years of my life to a narcissist, they even pushed me to attempt suicide. Life is 100% better with them out of the picture. It took some time, but there is hope, I'm walking proof of that.

1 week ago (edited)

this has hit me so so so hard. i am in my mid 30s and have lived a life of self-defeating behavior because of trying to make a variety of different narcissists happy. the thing is is that you never make them happy. i ended up on welfare unemployed for years in my early 20s because of what multiple narcs in my life were telling me about myself. i was told i would never be able to achieve anything. i am such a magnet for these types of people.

first i dropped out of a celebrated engineering-design program in undergrad because of a narc boyfriend at the time telling me i wasn't smart enough to be in the program....while he wasn't in university at all. years later i went back to university but for an arts degree....i feel like i had to 'dumb' myself down for people to make them happy. then i avoided trying for high-level work that fit my intelligence and ability, everytime i attempted to work towards a better life i was bullied, ridiculed, and even sabotaged by my close friends who were not as ambitious as me. those bullying friends were my chosen family at the time. i foolishly listened to them for a few years. dr ramani is saying 1:1 the things that happened to me, it's utterly shocking and so enlightening. in hindsight, so many things they said and did to me were right out of the narc playbook.

the way i attempted to escape all of them ended up biting me in the butt, i was again targeting by another narc. i left canada when a man hired me to work at his "non profit company" in NYC. i got a work visa and moved there for 4 years. i was under serious coercive control, it bordered on what i could now consider human trafficking, but witout the sex, though this man was very very creepy and gross. i was severely underpaid (less than 36k in nyc), and am still in debt because of this messed up situation. this "boss" told me as soon as i got to nyc/usa to put a note in my wallet that my next of kin/emergency contact was him, and not my parents. he told me my parents were bad and tried everything he could to sever ties with my family. he demanded i text him multiple times a day, essentially acting like a girlfriend, not an employee. he demanded to know what i was eating, and what i was doing after work -- he demanded i sent him PICTURES of what i was doing. when i didn't comply he would insult me and hint that he would get rid of my work visa and i'd have to leave the usa. the tip of the iceberg was when he started to ridicule my clothing and the underwear i wore....he then PURCHASES underwear (bra and panties) for me...i refuse to accept them and he attempts to exchange them with by way of writing an email to the online store he bought them from with his NON-PROFIT EMAIL....this is a registered 501c3 and he literally incriminates himself, giving proof of actual sexual harrassment, on record. this non profit never had a board of directors, he fabricated it all himself. there was no HR,. after 4 years of this mental abuse, i attempted to find a new job, and then applied to grad school at NYU. he told me i would never get hired anywhere except for in retail or low-skilled minimum wage jobs. he told me i would never in a million years get into NYU for grad school in engineering.... and then i did. suffice to say i could not afford to go to NYU, but simply being acepted into the program was enough proof for me to know that i am WAY better than what these narcs say i am.

this past february, i left NYC and the job, and this controlling coercive "boss" was still contacting me, reeling me in with this narc weaseling for months. narcs are so good at manipulating people back to them. in june i finally, FINALLY blocked him and am never going back. i wish i had the resources to sue him for sexual harrassment, but i don't. a lawyer told me nothing would happen because this narc boss also happens to teach law at columbia (despite him not practicing law for over 30 years...he was a lawyer for a mere 5 years in the 1980s)...it was astonishing to me that he even was able to teach there at all, BUT it was because he knew the right people and hyped up his 'non profit' contributions. he's one of those business conmen who are very prevalent in places like new york.

now i am trying to put myself and my life back together. i am working on starting a business, but more importantly the work i am doing now is learning how to be narc repellant. so far, i think i'm doing a lot better. i can smell the narc bullshit much easier now.

thank you dr ramani. you are helping so many people understand what has happened to them. thank you!!!

Linda Blindt

1 week ago

I gradually gave up all my aspirations and friends over 20 years. Then was discarded in the worst way. I didn't realise how depressed I became and that I was really an optimist. It is so difficult to go on but I will somehow.

Katy D

1 week ago (edited)

I wish I could be blunt and share this with someone n my life that I’ve known for so long and I’ve had to watch her star die because of the Narc in her life...a classic Empath who was sucked dry by a Narc smh 🤦🏼‍♀️ I’ve tried but it only pulls her and I apart 😞

Cher Brannon

1 week ago

After being married almost 25 years, I found your book, “should I stay or should I go“, if I listed every dream that was shattered because of him I would take up all of the space. So I will list the most important one IMHO.. it involves future faking during the dating/love bombing, as well. He was divorced with 2 sons, but insisted that he wanted to have children with me. I had never been married and had no children, but desired to have one or two.. All throughout the courtship which was very short in retrospect, he talked about sharing my dream. Shortly after we were married, and I wasn’t getting pregnant (age 33), I became very discouraged. Only to discover that he had gotten a vasectomy during his first marriage. Years later I discovered from his exe that he didn’t want the children he had. I should’ve picked up on because he always had an excuse why he couldn’t see his boys. I guess chronic cheaters have to do something to avoid unwanted pregnancies. Thankfully God has blessed me with wonderful nieces and nephews, and now great nieces and nephews. So I have a lot of loving children in my life. I will never know the feeling of being a mom and now divorcing him at age 59, i struggle with the feelings of resenting him. God bless you Dr. Ramani for everything that you do. You have helped me so very much! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Amy Dague-Parker

1 week ago (edited)

I send positivity, hope & love to everyone here, especially those currently dealing with or living with the legacy of a narcissist. You can get out. It's scary. It's tough. But it's SO worth it! I was very close friends with my husband for almost 2 decades before we married. I HAD NO CLUE! Don't feel like you should have seen it. They are Masters at this game. You likely are just someone who wants to see the good in people. That in NO way means you're dumb, it means you're kind. That's a GREAT thing to be!

I've always been the only one who worked, but was laid off in Nov & have no idea if my job will every return now so we've been living on my unemployment.

He'd been getting increasingly aggressive & paranoid for the last couple years or so & then about 4 months ago, my partner of 8 years, husband for 7, cleaned out our bank account, left without explanation & showed back up 10 days later to fix a sandwich & pour some sweet tea like nothing had happened.

My fear was that he might give our 11yo son the virus & so asked him to leave. This enraged him & he threatened to kill me & tried to force his way into the room my son & I were hiding in while my son was on the phone with 911. The police wouldn't take him since it was my word against his, so he calmly sat on the couch eating a bowl of cereal & smiling, as my son & I quickly packed a bag & were sent to stay at the local shelter.

My house. My food. My bills. Nothing in his name.

Now, 6 months later, other than 1 initially threatening message from him the first week, which I answered calmly with facts & evidence of his behavior, we've not heard from him & I finally managed to be able to afford to file divorce papers with the court. We have about 15 days left on a DVP but honestly, I have no doubt that he's found another source to vampire from & we will not be hearing from him other than to either bluster about what I'll lose in the divorce (which is actually nothing, other than the headache if his drama & that's be well worth it, even if it was otherwise!) or to beg forgiveness when he realizes that he's going to have to give back the Jeep he took (the only thing he has of any actual value & began driving only after he blew up the first vehicle i had gotten him. But it is actually mine, in my name, that I'm still insuring & paying for & was meant to be given to our son when he began driving.)

I'm not seeking revenge but no longer being the victim works out to being about the same thing & t DOES feel good.

We're struggling & certainly I do have rough days, but it's more than worth it to see how much happier & genuinely relaxed my son is. The fact that I almost sacrificed that without even realizing it is my greatest regret.

You too can get away from the madness. Admittedly, I cry. I struggle. I worry. But HELL I did ALL that WITH him here!

Now it's just less stressful & the future looks brighter w/ infinite possibilities instead of the last couple years of feeling bleak, insecure & hopeless! That's only an illusion they've given you, I promise!

My love & positive energy to each of you. Please feel free to vent to me. The isolation has kind of been the worst part of this (especially for my son) despite the fact that I AM an introvert that was mostly used to it already!

I'll gladly share what moral support I can!

NAMASTE 🙏

AlltheGifts

1 week ago

It took me 30 years to realize what I had been through even though EVERYBODY I LOVE TOLD ME HE WASN'T WORTH IT!! I am currently feeling the shame of not listening to them YEARS AGO!!! 🙄

K C

1 week ago (edited)

Dr Ramani,

I went through a kundalini awakening back in 2012 when I almost died after a liver cleanse gone wrong. Since then, I’ve been fighting to find me again. It was based on me learning to love myself.

Last year, the memories of the years of abuse from when I first got married began to bubble up. And the man who I thought had healed from his abusive ways also became abusive again when I began to speak up. However, this time, my soul/spirit supported me and now showed me truth, that I am not the problem and that I had a right to speak up.

And I finally listened to those around me, that my husband was a narcissist. I still worked with him to try to restore our marriage. But he chose to leave me and ultimately filed for divorce.

The biggest shock to my system is that after 36 years of being with him and 31 years, that I was so easily discarded and how he is now claiming that all of our assets are his. He is playing with the money. He is denying the emotional, psychological and physical abuse, including one attempt to kill me by strangulation. He lied under oath when asked about whether he abused me. He is simply cold and cruel.

But my soul/spirit is helping me to keep strong. To not give in and to fight for what is mine. To trust that I will physically and mentally heal from all of the trauma with time. To allow my attorney to represent me, trusting that she understands his games and that she will get for me what is rightfully mine.

Where I am stuck is in finding who I am. I lost me through his controlling behavior and need to find me again in this process. The process is filled with remembering so many years of pain as I feel permitted to finally feel again. I miss the structure of what we had. I see it through my rose colored glasses. But now I try to reframe these wishes with how it really was all of those years.

I still don’t know why he was able to hurt me so for all of these years and given his current behavior, I don’t think I ever will. But I can thank my connection to the divine now for helping me to understand that I was still in an incredibly abusive relationship. I set specific intentions of how I wanted to be treated and began to change my inner world. And the consequence was that as I began to set some boundaries to supported my inner needs, he began to verbally abuse me again and then finally left. And while I can’t feel it now as I have so much fear about my financial future, I am being encouraged to continue forward on this path because I am worthy.

I look forward to seeing where I am in a few years as I’ll be able to see my growth over the past few years.

Thank you for your videos. They are helping me to understand who he is, why he behaves as he does and how I can best move forward. I know it will take time for me to heal, but I can, hopefully, build a better and healthy future based on my own desires now and not that of my spouse. And I finally am beginning to feel safe in my own body when I’m not triggered.

cheryl marshall

1 week ago

1st narc “if you go travelling I won’t wait for you and I won’t come with you!!”

Guess what I did after the break up? 😉

Narc 2 “How dare you earn more money than me!!!!!!”

I was self employed and working hard for my income (still am)

And I’m single, it’s just easier

Jeffrey S

1 week ago

At age 49 my real life is finally starting after a lifetime of narcissistic abuse. I have been on sick leave from a job I started last year, where from day one I was the target of a narc co-worker. My attempts to get help were ignored by...you guessed it: my narc boss. I started therapy 6 months ago, in part to deal with the growing anxiety and depression that these narcs and the toxic culture that enabled them were bringing out in me. To my surprise I discovered that the roots of my trauma were set in childhood, specifically by my narc mother and older brother. Breaking free from the tyranny of their control and dominance is now my life's work - and the glimmer of hope that gets me out of bed every day is to live my dream to be a writer. It was a dream that my mother tried, thankfully in vain, to destroy. Thank you for all your videos but especially this one Dr. Ramini!

warrior of God

1 week ago (edited)

thank you for sharing this beautiful video!!! <3 <3 <3 "If you can survive that, you can do anything" YES!!! so true!!! (those words made me cry as well) .. people should never put a relationship with any human being in front of their own relationship with God.. God wants us to be happy and full of life, not zombies.. we are beautiful souls, and we are FREE :) :) :)

Dee Flint

1 week ago

I was married almost 27 years when I finally got a divorce from my narc. Just like she says, the biggest weight was lifted. No regrets! The last couple of years have been so healing for me because I didn’t know what my ex was until watching these videos. I started losing weight and by doing that, I built confidence in myself to leave. Got my masters and became an administrator. Getting my divorce was the most empowering thing I have ever done! She hit the nail on the head....they definitely need us more than we need them. I can’t thank you enough for all that you do Dr. Ramani! It has helped me understand the how and why of it all. I’m still working it out in my mind, but so much better than when I started!

Anne Miller

1 week ago

Thank you so much for this episode! I needed it and it came at the perfect time.

Thank you for your content. Experienced it “exactly” 😳as you describe it from childhood through to being married with children & beyond the divorce (I described it to my therapist as living in an Alfred Hitchcock movie - thinking I was going mental).

I was in the midst of doing a degree whilst working in a big corporation when I met my charming to be husband (we were married only a year after meeting - he was so romantic, love bomb extraordinaire, he was handsome, smart & he loved me like no other) and although I could see he was a bit possessive & jealous at the beginning it came across as “extreme caring” 🙄😂 (I was 22 🤷🏻‍♀️). Our relationship was a real roller coaster and just as I would think I could not take anymore he would be the sweetest caring person again. We went on had 2 children over the years and developed a massive business that I co directed with him. He would have me on pedestal to the gutter in such a short space of time. I was instrumental in orchestrating a huge deal with our company & my own skills were starting to be identified by third party companies we were dealing with & my great demise began. It was slow humiliating and painful. So many unbelievable incidents it would read like a Danielle Steels Novel. He told me that I would end up in a trailer park and I was nothing without him. The divorce was epic & he parcelled $Millions to a tax haven country leaving the boys and I with absolutely nothing. He was awful to the children & he used them as collateral for me to still comply to a degree with his wishes. I Started to rebuild my life with the boys after the horrific divorce, but with constant relentless stress created by my now ex husband. I was working and half way through a masters degree and he still was creating whatever stress he could with the children etc - I ended up having a significant stroke half way through doing my masters degree & hospitalised for months - having to learn to walk again. I was very grateful that sheer determination and my belief system that there had to be a bigger purpose in this got me literally on my feet again and although it took nearly 2 years of rehabilitation I resumed University and ultimately finished my masters degree (when I received the degree, my father ridiculed me, saying I did it because I have pride and ego problems so it’s not hard for me to understand why I inadvertently married a narcissist 🤷🏻‍♀️). ; Then I just had to get my youngest through to finishing his senior year at school (that was 2 years ago) Where upon we were free to move to a nearby city where my family are and now I am now finally able to recreate. I have added skills; resilience; self awareness, quiet confidence due to all the gaslighting (basically all my life). I did find a great therapist & worked on having the courage to be okay with letting myself think I could be more ; without being considered too big for my boots, or being prideful/egotistical and have had to develop a strong awareness of who I am and what I’m capable of without feeling I’m being obnoxious. By choosing to look at life’s journey through positive lenses we can utilise it all as an education beyond that learned in a text book and that we are much stronger than we think we are. I do believe in a higher power and that these experiences will be put to good use. By not taking the mind set of being the victim and seeing the perpetrators as the real victims. The ones around me seem to exist in Perpetual drama, experience poor health, chasing happiness that is never satisfied and endless relationship issues ( my ex is on his 2nd wife & numerous ex fiancés/girlfriends since we divorced & our children (now they are young adults) want nothing to do with him). My father also is incapable of being happy (I see him on occasions but keep to very general conversations) & feel good that I cannot be hurt by him anymore. I know great things are in store for the boys & myself now 💕🙏🏻💕💫

onewomancircus

1 week ago

Amazing! Thank you 🙏. This has been my struggle for so long! I was a multi-talented child who never really reached her potential due to depressive episodes, self doubt and low self esteem. It's my time to shine! Have been completing my university application today :)

Evelyn Valladares

1 week ago

I became a teacher after divorcing my narcissistic husband, who was always draining me to work for him; to make him successful.

DoctorRamani

Francoise Tout Simplement

1 week ago

I don’t know whether to be comforted or depressed by the fact that I am not alone facing such issues.

patrizia coro

1 week ago

Dr Ramani I love you! Your understanding is so spot on. I was married to a narcissist who devalued and belittled me. I came out of that marriage so broken that I jumped straight into another with a covert who love bombed me. I fell for it hook line and sinker. But I saw the light very quickly this time. I am now 64 years old, unmarried, and finally I have a successful career and feel worthy and not in need of any man to bolster me.

SarynT

1 week ago

In the beginning I called it stealing my thunder. Thunder theives!

Pauline Wangombe

1 week ago

My experience to a T. But l have reconstructed my life to a mind boggling extent by God's grace. He hates it and still tries to sabotage but God is Almighty.

1welshman

1 week ago

Thanks for the great insight throughout this vlog and to give my story, I was brought up in a dysfunctional family well for me at any rate. Always to blame always the b*****d who they wished wasn’t born. This obviously constructed in me a self loathing for being me as if to have something good happen in my life usually ended with hatred of me for it and rejection from my siblings. I never knew that this was toxic and so thought it must be me if I didn’t then I would be reminded of how I once failed as not to think so highly of myself. So with time I suppose I would avoid the feelings this created for me by no longer expressing myself with them just so I wouldn’t be targeted in some way.

I suppose reflecting back I changed in order to be accepted, no longer able to share my successes or aspirations and longed for an escape. I met a lovely girl with who I was smitten though her family said I’d have my hands full with her I ignored it only seeing what I wanted to see thinking of how my own family slagged me off in a similar fashion. I had NO idea what life was about to throw at me. I was a young 20 year old man had a body repair background and things looked great. I remember how with time my girlfriend by now and over a small time moved in to my parents house without even asking, which of course was brought up every time she left the house. I decided it’s time to settle down after all that’s what we’re meant to do right so got a flat moved out so as not to complicate things thought it was the answer to the question at the time.

As time went we never seemed to go out with her friends only mine and at times it was said that she couldn’t enjoy herself and relax out with my friends. So I compensated constantly pampering to see if she was ok. It was said she needed to go out with her friends alone so she could let of some steam. I found this very disconcerting yet thought she loves me and by now we had 2 children.

Eventually I started hearing rumours and found myself defending her position and even fell out with several friends as I was blind with all the suggestions of my not helping enough and it’s the only time she got to really be herself. I completely forgot about me myself WoW !!!. I was working 16hrs a day while she stayed home to raise our children I thought was also the right thing to do, yet found myself coming home from work having to clean up the house and cook my own food somewhere amongst all this. Soon we had debt collectors at the door for things that I knew nothing about the rumours continued to come and so I eventually confronted her about it all.

A rage of insults about how I had been neglecting her and she wasn’t happy she left, just called her sister and was off (her sister was off with me like I had done something). I raised my kids from then for a year alone couldn’t keep the job no help from my family apparently “ I should be more of a man “ is just one of the kind of things that I was told when asking for help. I reconciled not being able to cope if I’m honest with the ludicrous conversation that of a heart to heart reality bought to me of affairs and debt and that’s weeks after reconciliation.

This pattern continued for years and as time went on I didn’t know what up from down was anymore constantly questioning her whereabouts in my head and looking to be a doormat in order to be not punished mentally which I brought with me from childhood avoidance of reprisals. Honestly I could carry on and on about how much a fool I’ve been but I won’t go on I think you must by now get the idea of my state of mind and wellbeing and so I’ll fast forward to present.

After completing a year of therapy confronting the issues and starting to deal with my own issues, I am no longer in contact with my family as to fully recover which wasn’t taken very well but hey that’s why it has to happen. No longer will I be ignorant to my own needs putting everyone else first and this has free’d me up for all kinds of things. I became a youth worker helping people with employability and how to free themselves of debt, which I now no longer do but it helped me as much as it helped them which is how I took the good out of the bad. I then reassessed my life realising I still have my own ambitions and that I was probably still people pleasing in my work, so I started my own business buying and selling antiques I’m 3years down the road it’s hard but it’s mine, my family got in touch trying to say that I was delusional to think about doing that kind of thing. I reflected on the therapists words and saw the reality of what was real I am me, a successful me with hopes dreams and aspirations for the things best for me and with this knowledge I will never let myself be cowed by shame and ridicule, yes I was knocked down, yes I was made to look a fool and yes I am very trusting in my own abilities because now I think of me and not what I should think of me. It’s best thing I can show my children is how to get back up start again and fulfil my ambitions that is how I make sense of it all it taught me again how to be me. The best love in life is the freedom to be me.

Emily Morano

1 week ago

Wow, this video is beautiful, poignant, inspiring... I've only recently realised my mother is a narcissist, I relate to all of this, and those words about cutting the sandbags have given me a lil bit of hope again. I didn't even realise I'd lost my hope - or rather, had it stolen. I only moved out of her house a few days ago and finding your videos so fast is doing wonders. I've let go of that immediate anger and betrayal of realisation, I've grieved the mother i wish I'd had, and now I'm ready to make a start living my life for me. I've no goddamn idea what I'm going to do, but I'm so fucking excited to just do anything honestly, I've never felt free like this before

John Lontos

1 week ago

We live once, we don't come back for seconds.

Live ASAP LIVE and enjoy life sounded by living people

Love is All

Ikhlas Vora

1 week ago

Thank you ma’am, never will I ever clip my wings ever again🙏

annmarie keim

1 week ago

Dr ramani,This is an addition to my previous comments.I loved that you said surviving narcissism is a super power. And i always felt i can find my way out of everything else that happens.I could only get to the base of the mountain but that was enough for me when i put things in perspective my maternal narcissists were trying to keep stuck with them. I used my common sense and problem solving abilities. I would throw them curveballs when ever i could and present them with there own shameful reality. It wasn't going to change things for me,but it made things a little more just. These were people who belonging to church council and everything else that gave them social validation meant everything. I think that they could do so much harm was that this was in a small,isolated community. It. almost felt like Sister Wives but for me a lot had to do with my maternal family

They liked feeling like big frogs in a small pond. They felt i had to acknowledge their delusional sense of greatness.

Beaulieu C

1 week ago

This is very much part of my story. I was bullied through school, took time off school, and couldn't concentrate. I couldn't even see the board as if I had glasses I would be bullied more. I had narcisstic teachers in Kent, UK who used to scream at me, tell me off a lot for not getting things right (well, I couldnt see the bored and their rudeness made me anxious). My results were absolutely terrible. Even my art teacher said No one in our Class woudl get an O Level.. I had enough, even my parents and I got a private tutor and got DISTINCTION but my English and Maths let me down due to my toxic teachers. Slowly over the years, I have got some qualifications, but I still don't have the confidence to use them. Through my voluntary work I have achieve things ie I am now an Environmental Champion, and I have put an outdoor gym in my village (even having an Open Day) with a famous celeb. However, because I had a slow start in life and don't have confidence still, I will never be able to achieve a big dream I just have small dreams and just have little goals and that is it. I am a citizen journalist and writer, that is the only way I can be a journalist with the skills I have and I do it for free. But, through journalism I can raise awareness of so many things which is fun, maybe get things changed. Bear in mind what a lot of narcs have ie driving convictions, domestic abuse convictions etc etc but I have a clean slate. I don't drink or smoke or do drugs... it is little things I am proud of about me.

Fair-Is-Foul& Foul-is-Fair

1 week ago (edited)

Best day EVER went NO CONTACT! I got my bachelors and Master Degree and I make ALOT more money 💰.got my certificate in family system trauma and working towards my licensing. I will never ever getting back together 😃 you have nothing to lose but you.

vivalila123

1 week ago

Thank you so much for this, Dr. Ramani. Your videos have been helping me recover from narcissistic abuse and I am so grateful for your work. <3

M M

1 week ago

I went years without going to class. I thought I was going to quit college. All because of her. I am back and can't wait to graduate and get out of this house!

I P

1 week ago

Will I ever be free? If you saw me, knew me, understood me etc then maybe you would believe just how much I am struggling. I am literally trapped in a vicious curse. I just want to say I am so thankful I found your. It's all well and good seeing some inspirational quotes, but your audible and visible and informative content.

Michele Lewis

1 week ago (edited)

Dr. Ramani, thank you for expressing the anger we don’t feel entitled to. You are so affirming.

I skipped several opportunities to be the nurse educator for my floor because I didn’t feel smart enough. I stayed in direct patient care, which I love and was very fulfilling, but after 20 years of lifting and turning patients, I got physically worn out and then injured so badly that my life has changed and I can’t work as a nurse anymore. But now I am remarried to a fellow narc survivor and life is wonderful.

hoffer008

1 week ago

My narc totally killed my potential and dreams. He couldn’t take me being bigger than him.

DIrizarry07

1 week ago

Yep. My mother and I to a t! No contact and spirituality have been my soul savers. 💖

CARLITO BRIGANTE

1 week ago

A toxic relationship while I was in university (as a mature student) pushed me to do better than I would have: whatever else I had lost/sacrificed, I wasn't going to let my success in school be one of those.

Laurie D Mills

1 week ago

As the scapegoat when I was 21 it cost me my firstborn (forcibly placed for closed adoption, now 31yo, no reunion) & his father. Much to the story but I was told I was "born bad, nothing but trouble, 'freely' choosing to relinquish will be the first thing you've done right in your life" etc etc . Today I'm told I'm "just some stranger from the past" & more - it's never over. I am 52 now, had 15yrs or so of painful therapy for severe trauma & more, I'm only just grasping for my own life again. I have 3 more wonderful children now young adults, a wonderful husband (2nd) & I'm still not sure what I "want to be when I grow up". I'm blessed with the ability to draw so maybe I'll just draw beautiful things. Is that enough, I wonder?

emilybhighsmith

1 week ago

Thank you so much for this message!! ❤

Mary M Pringle

1 week ago

I spent most of my life trying to understand what had happened to me, which was my mother. It seems safe to say my mother's narcissism. In the last quarter of my life, I'm enjoying some success and real happiness. I am so grateful for that. I didn't fully start to live until her death a decade ago. A psychiatrist I saw at 17 advised me to just get away from her, but with no explanation at all. Guilt is a powerful prison, and I couldn't trust anyone. I needed an adult role model. I copied narcissistic habits that took years to shed. I was drawn to a narcissistic spouse. I tolerated abuse from a narcissistic boss. I couldn't accept kindness and encouragement from those who wished me well. But there was a happy ending. At 50, I was out of the marriage and in my first decent job. It kept getting better. My children have all done well, and we are close. I still wonder about my mother--was she born that way or was she formed that way? What happened to her? And the other big question--why is it so difficult for people around the narcissist to see how toxic the person is? For me, it was a long struggle to see my mother clearly and speak about the abuse, mostly because the rest of the world seemed to think she was just fine, and she had convinced me that I was garbage. I would be the mean and ungrateful person if I said anything negative about her. I did need to speak about it to other family members as part of the recovery. My brother ended up with a narcissistic partner as well. When he died, I was taken aback by her behaviour. People, including me, seemed to believe that she was something good that had happened to him. Seeing her for what she is was sudden, not like with my mother. After that I couldn't unsee it. It became so clear. Life is clear now. So clear and clean compared to the psychological morass I grew up with. So thankful. Thank you, Dr Ramani, for your work. I sense that you have a story, too.

AdoVeka

1 week ago

Wow! My story exactly! 😢

Thank you Dr. Ramani! Could you also please make another video about neglectful narcissist? Thank you!

Dr Deuteron

1 week ago

Ha. I had a NPD psycho in-law try to get me fired from my dream job (which required a deep background check, so any dirt real or imagined will do). This is after she ADW'd me for calling her out.

Jessica Smith

1 week ago

This year on August 30, 2020 will make exactly five years since my narcissistic maternal half sister decided to cut ties with me. She knew she talked down to me every chance she got. She kicks people when they're down and just won't stop. Yet, she was wondering what she did wrong in her last messages to me? What a joke. Deep down she's a miserable person and she knows this. She uses money and material possessions to cover up how empty and bitter she really is. Afterwards, I told the family including my father how she molested me when we were kids. My ex-stepdad did as well. She only came around most of the time to ask me or my father for money even if we were unemployed. One time, when she said she'd hang out with me, it was just for money and then in her own subtle way said she didn't want to spend time with me because I "dress like a tomboy." But, used the excuse that she had no money of her own.

After 2014, I said enough is enough. Some people don't leave a narcissistic relationship until they're older like in their 40s and 50s. I was lucky to get out of a narcissistic relationship with a family member by the age of 23. Since then, with the help of therapy, I've learned to love myself and see my potential. I realized the abuse that happened to me wasn't my fault. The problem was the abusers themselves. In my half sister's case, she may have been molested herself maybe even by our mother's husband. But, the odds of her admitting if any abuse did happen are slim.

Miriam Ramsey

1 week ago

Yes after 8 years I only found out what is a narcissist, he told me to stop going to counselling cuz it's not helping me.

He was never happy for me run me down so much to try an get me down so much about myself thinking I will always need him.

jamie alford

1 week ago

Dated xnarc 6 years and married 23 years. Met him when I was 21.. he was 32 and prev divorced.

It began slowly... like the analogy of boiling a bullfrog. Water starts out warm and gradually cranks (over time) to boiling. Before you know it - you’re in hot water.

We have one daughter - 20 years old.

He minimized my aspirations, my contact with my family... he was critical of my friends and made fun at my expense in front of friends. I wasn’t allowed to check the mailbox... first that started out as him coming home at lunch time and picking up mail ... then graduated to him stopping the mail until Saturday’s.

He controlled finances... he was emotionally abusive and volatile.

Many times I tried to get us to counseling and he said he would provide me with a list of things I needed to work on... but he wouldn’t go. I bought books on relationship, child rearing etc,., he wanted me to read them and give him the synopsis... and then argue and minimize if it didn’t concur with his philosophy. Up to and including insulting my own intelligence for picking such stupid shit.

Then, I got a huge career break and raise - it required me to travel. Having the travel time alone gave me time away to reflect and realize this was abuse. I began making a plan. It took me a year or 2 in therapy to overcome the unhealthy concept of “Christian marriage and honoring your vows”, to realize HE had broken the vows a long time ago and that I needed to leave.

It took me a total of 5 years to get thru this. I am one year post divorce and right now I can relate to you, Dr Romani, as you discuss having wings clipped and aspirations. I am feeling stuck and it has been very difficult... it is so difficult to get out from under the Narc abuse even though I am currently no contact, but like you said, just pick one thing a day that moves toward the future and aspirations.

I am going to try this.

CC Crystal Moon

1 week ago

My narc husband shamed and bullied me into giving up a job I loved. I still regret that I didn't leave him rather than my job.

1 week ago

still trying to release myself the abuse. I have developed so much self-doubt and feeling like I'm not good enough. I want to chase my dreams but I am so terrified, but I slowly working to it

Let's Claire-ify

1 week ago

Dr R is reading my mind after 46 years of abuse from my mother and my mental struggle to be free from her brainwashing toxic verbal and emotional poisoning.

Melody williamson

1 week ago

Thank you so much for putting words to what I've been frustrated with for years. I grew up with a narc older brother with a twisted streak. For some reason the rest of family (except fathet) just kept telling me to ignore it, that I'm causing the problem by reacting to him. Did they really think a 6 year could work this out against a 14 yr old? He did a major job on me, along with his side kick, my other brother. As the narc sibling grew his manipulative nature blossomed. Coupled with a charming nature.... it seems I was still the only one to see the real him. Until I cut him out of my life he continued to find ways to degrade me and take away any self confidence. It was my high ego husband and my Father that allowed me to see I was a wonderful & talented person. I've so many regrets of what I could have done with my life if my self confidence hadn't been squeezed out of me. To this day the rest of my siblings just shug at the bad sibling behavior. Guess it's still my fault for reacting to him when his lies effect his kids. My life is so much better without living in that horrible world.

Hara Koutalou

1 week ago

In the mild of the video I started to cry! Dr Ramani you are amazing! We need to hear that we are heroes from you. You are giving such a courage to all of us!

Alex Sharpe

1 week ago

My experience was a confusing one as I felt he was pushing me toward ambitions that I never expressed for myself but rather that he wanted for me in a way to bring the spotlight on to himself and for further self validation so it made me feel like where I was at in the present wasn’t enough for him. It felt as if the world hadn’t validated how special he believed he was and I was being used as a means to get that for himself and that what he never loved “ME” but the idea of what I could bring to his life. Of course he would never own up to that but it was obvious to me.

MtnGirl505

1 week ago

Thank you for this video and identifying another piece of my other life of misery. After being discarded by the narcissist after 26 years of marriage and raising 3 children. I finally figured out what he was and how that imprisoned me and my potential and dreams. I was allowed to use my potential to make things better for him and support him in whatever he wanted to achieve. I had to stop and go back to my prison when he thought that was enough. After the divorce I was confused and searching for answers. I finally made the connection and learned how to "think" like him and see myself as he did and realize things would never get better or change and that started my healing journey. I am using my full potential now and re-learning how to appreciate and enjoy life. I proved to myself I can make it on my own, I have re-started my career and it is taking off after "treading water", I met and married a wonderful man whom by just being supportive and loving and appreciating who I am has introduced a clarity to my previous relationship and how bad it was compared to where I am now and how far I can still go (even though I am 52). I feel like a child beginning to see hope, a future, happiness and finally a REAL LIFE!!

Miriam Ramsey

1 week ago

After my father passed from cancer I was blind to his narcissistic behaviour

boba fetta-cheese

1 week ago (edited)

Doctor Ramani you helped me through your video's get away from narc's in my family like my brother and cousin, and so called best friend. Unfortunately narc's are master's at spotting empath's and pulling them in. However now I can see the signs, I will not let any of them in to my life again. ps. Empath's forget that as much as Narc's run others down, they think even less of themselves deep down inside.

Ladasiah Jackson

1 week ago

I lost 13 years caring for my narc ex. Before I met my ex, I worked for a narc boss where I lost a year and half of my career. I'm telling you i was constantly thinking about if i get a better job then my narc ex would feel intimidated. When I finally got up the nerve to take a better job, that's when devaluing started. But I didn't care because I was focused on me for a change and not him. Leaving my narc bosses and my narc ex was the best decision I made it my life. A great friend told me to leave the narc and spread my wings and soar. That's what I'm doing now. I pass what my friend told me to everyone reading this. You're better than these people. Just spread your wings and soar.

ReWa Iyer

1 week ago

Thank you very much Dr Ramani for this video!! I’m also a survivor of my narcissistic husband having lived with him for few months short of 25 years of my marriage . Finally got the courage 6 years ago and filed for divorce and with great difficulty made him come to the court for the same. While in the marriage there were times when I had ideas to start some home business but was always stopped by my ex who said that who would buy from me?? And if I became busy with my business I would not pay attention to our two kids. I had no confidence to do anything . When I filed for divorce I was so scared that what would happen to me as I had no money and I had no courage to start something on my own. After making me beg for money he started giving me alimony only after two years of divorce. Even after the divorce for the next 5 years I had no belief in my skills and talents. I always underestimated myself. His words that who would buy from me played in my mind for a long long time. It’s only now that I’m gathering some courage that if I try I can be financially independent at this age also . I’m 56 now. The scars are too deep but I have to fight it out.

Datamaiden

1 week ago (edited)

I too get really angry when it comes to this because it has been done to me so much, and as much as I try to tell myself not to listen to it, it has a strong effect. I grew up hearing the words "You can't" so much. I heard "No, you can't do that because you don't know how to do that", "You won't make it", "You can't, you won't you'll fail, you don't know what you are doing". I was told every time I tried to do something, even something small. "No you can't hold the baby, you don't know how to do that", "No, just wait and let me do it, you can''t do it", "You can't"(degree, job, move to another city), "You don't have a real job. (because I liked my job and it was not a boring office job) You need to get a real job." "You can't drive on that street. It's a busy street, you don't know how to drive on that street." I heard it repeatedly from my parents, I heard it repeatedly from my aunts, uncles and cousins.

They and other people I knew used to frequently suggest that I "should" take a job that was far down the ladder from what I was capable. I was often told by parenents and family after I graduated from college and was working for a fortune 500 company in executive sales (successfully) that I should - serously, forcefully "should" get a job as a cashier at a grocery store. A QA director I once worked with said in her helpful way, "You should be a file clerk or a medical records clerk- that would be a good job for you." Mind you, I worked with her to turn around a medical department, I wrote all of the FDA research studies, and I was and I am good at it.

I have in recent years has "friends" who said things like "You should get a job on one of these landscape trucks doing yard work" - Why? I am writing, consulting, teaching - why would I do that? Also, I do not even garden, I do not like getting dirty, I am highly allergic! But for some reason people keep pushing me to take low level unskilled labor jobs when I have two master's degrees and have held high visibility positions.

The real thing about it that bothers me is that when I hear such a suggestion I immediately feel like a failure. I feel that there must be something wrong with me for people to do that. They must see something in me that I do not - some great lack that I should quit doing professional work and settle for unskilled labor. It must be something about me!

I have trouble in entrepreneurial endeavors which I have tried on and off. I just do not have the confidence to sell myself.

Lesly pompy

1 week ago

Thank you, so much. I really needed to hear your message.

Lee Rios

1 week ago

I was a college baseball player and i let narcissist take me down im barley feeling healthy again at 28 years old i lost my confidence and motivation

Wendie Wise

1 week ago

I was able to go to college and have a great job. Luckily, I did that in the beginning of the relationship before the manipulation really started to get to me. I wanted to get married and have more kids but he didn't, so I said I didn't need to because I thought he might leave me. Looking back, I should have parted ways to seek out a partner who wanted those things. He did eventually marry me after 10 years and 6 months later I got pregnant. Needless to say, he wasn't happy about it. That's when the gaslighting and diversion became much worse and I started to become depressed. I left him 2 months ago after 16 years. I am going to finish my undergrad now and open my world up to other possibilities. My friend and I are saving up for a trip to Bora Bora, hopefully next summer.

Marcia Musiak

1 week ago

I have been with my narcissist for 48 years, it is so late for me now, my passions my dreams are so far off now. I am crying so much now. OMG a wasted life.

A.Q. Lake

1 week ago

For me, it got to a point where I avoided reaching for more because I knew the shaming,

humiliation, and put downs would cancel out any joy of accomplishment I may have.

I just gave up, and settled for being, "small", because in a way, it was much safer.

Kirby Augustine

1 week ago (edited)

I’m experiencing this phenomena right now regarding my Narc wife. I’m struggling with tying up loose ends heading towards the new year that have the potential to change my life. Over the course of 17 years, my Narc has sabotaged, criticized and undermined every and anything positive associated with my life. I’am not her companion. I am her competition and must be beaten at all costs. I am a viewed as a subordinate; a second class citizen. I’m tired so tired.

AngieDoctor

1 week ago

Thank You......!!!!....

....i still have a hard time dealing with the betrayal of my business partner......i thought he was my friend....big mistake..trust no one.

Ideal City Living - ICL, GTV

Saturday, 18 July 2020

Narcissistic Personality Disorder 5

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