Narcissistic Personality Disorder 4

You asked for a comment, I’ll give you a short version .... or try 🤷🏻‍♀️ ..... I’m 56 now after my 3 rd. failed relationship all with Narcissist. I decided to take a time out and do some work to find out why I attract these people. Well, I found out my mother is a Narcissist .... Ouch 😣! It almost caused me my life I live with 5 different auto immune diseases but I’m living. I had 3 years of therapy for the death of my oldest son only to find out I was there for 'abuse' of the narcissist. Six years later I’m alive and grateful for what I now know. I’m now more educated .... schooled and protect myself because I know I am a target 🎯 for them .

Omg, this video. I have had so much talk down and gaslighting that I was at the lowest of lows several times. It sickens me now to think that I almost ended my life because of taking on someone else's "crazy". I am divorcing. Moved out of the family home, not looking back. I had a moment when I "woke up" and after that, I could not un-see the damage done. I was able to identify exactly what was going on. Awareness is key. Escaping is scary. But I almost lost my life in the relationship. I am risking it now trying to detach. What my narcissist ex will do to get to me is limitless almost. But I am AWARE, and expecting it.

They will demean you and tear you down. They want you to feel like they do.

I think I broke the chains from one my ex ^^^^^^

I was raised by narcissistic parents and unknowingly to myself at the time got into a relationships with a narcissistic just up until January of this yr and I have cut ties with him and put up huge boundaries for my parents and I have to keep irerating to them those boundaries, as they are looking for weak spots to challenge. And now trying to use gaslighting and other tactics, but am not budding in my journey for self love, caring and success. This yr has been a amazing eye opener for me and I feel so blessed and protected, and to see clearer then I have ever been before.🤎🦋🤎🦋Day by day...

Annessa Lewis

1 week ago

I’m trying so hard to get my abuser out of my life but it’s turned into a huge legal battle due to splitting our business. She is trying to take more and more of our money and has been so incredibly verbally abusive and lying about myself and my family to everyone. She’s separated me from my mother. I can’t even stand to talk to my mom anymore now that she’s taken the side of my sister. I’m so confused because I thought for so long she just had BPD (which she denies she has though she’s been diagnosed) but this “episode” of abuse has lasted months. I was stuck in a car across country with her cross-country and I thought I was going insane because one thing would happen and she would immediately tell me something else he just happened and she just had me constantly questioning my own reality. After that trip, after days of being called a curb and a bitch and having her mock me on the phone in front of me over and over, I couldn’t get my body out of panic/flight mode for 2 solid weeks. Now every time she talks to me (like last week when she came to the property I was renovating to scream obscenities at me and threaten me) I’m thrown into that same mode. I just need her out of my life. I can’t do this anymore but I’m stuck and she’s making it impossible to split the business. Even though I’ve put more money into the business and am walking away at a loss and she will walk away with the better deal, she’s been demanding more and more of my money.

Misty Lynn

1 week ago

So true. My childhood was a nightmare. I tried to stay close to my siblings but I have found that they are suffering from NPD and I just can't save everybody anymore. It has taken me awhile to learn tough love means cutting them off from me. It's so freeing to say no. 🕊

Luis Dantas

1 week ago

This video brought me to tears. I just could not stop remembering how dearly I paid for the stubborn insistence of my so-called parents on disqualifying me while at the same time pressuring me towards the supposed materialization of their goals, the only ones I was allowed to lend any prestige to.

Justin Falzon

1 week ago

Oof. I cant even watch this.

Matrix Abandoned and Dissolved

1 week ago (edited)

I grew up with an adoptive narcissist mother and of course I never knew what that term was until I was much older. Interesting that I ended up marrying a narcissist. And the narcissist mom kept telling me my husband was a narcissist. It was a nightmare being in between the power struggles and control of the 2 narcissist. I got a divorce and my mom died but still most of my life was stolen without me even knowing it. I think a lot of us go through life in a naive state assuming that people are like us but then we find there are people who come into this world who's main goal is to control and degrade others. These people are truly pathetic parasites.

John Ogburn

1 week ago

Wow very pertinent, you are amazing at your insights .I just keep saying how do you know all this

Trestle Truss

6 days ago

Thank you <3

Ntendeni Luvhengo

1 week ago

Yes. If you love your dreams, ambitions and God-given purpose, STAY AWAY from these people. I have seen people lose their dreams and drive because of narcissists. Protect your purpose and rather be alone than be in bad company.

Sandria Guest

1 week ago

I can’t do this anymore. I’ve reached my breaking point.

Shaila Prol

1 week ago

My dreams of a larger family and a quiet life in a little house...

Ron Just Ron

6 days ago

My son's wife has told him that I and his mother were narcissistic parents and that we are responsible for why he is as he is today, works low wage jobs, goes from job to job frequently, uses all kinds of excuses as to why he can't go to work etc.. Now, his mother and I divorced after 31 years of being married after I left her in 2013. I will admit that yes I do believe his mother is either a narcissist or a sociopath and no that's not just an angry ex husband saying it, there is ample proof of this by numerous people who have known her throughout her life. I do not believe I am a narcissist or sociopath or even a Psychopath, although some times grrrr.. lol. Here is why his wife says I was/am a narcissist, because I tell him he shouldn't try for this or that job because of 1) he is not smart enough 2) He does not have the drive to push himself to be trained for the job 3) he lacks the mental capacity to think reasonably and rationally as the job demands.

Now some people read what I just wrote and are disgusted that a father would say that to his own child, right? As his father though, do I not know how he is, how he thinks and how he acts and how responsible he is? The reasons why I say this to him are that he will not make any effort to improve himself at all, he hates schooling of any kind and to be honest, he is lazy. I am a truck driver and would be gone all week long and one time I got home on a Friday and me and my ex were having fried chicken for dinner. My son, who was about 25 at the time, was living in a camper on our property and he had his own food and methods of cooking. He came in and smelled the chicken and said he was starving and that he had not eaten for 3 days!! I asked him why and he said he did not have any food. This angered me towards my ex wife on how she could let him go without eating, she claimed to not know about it. That following Sunday, just two days later mind you, we were gathering up some food to donate to our local church's food bank for the poor. My son said he had some stuff he could give as well and he left to get it. That bothered me because of what happened on Friday, he returns with a box FULL of things like Dinty Moore Beef stew in a can, 4 boxes of Mac and cheese, a couple boxes of hamburger helper type stuff and a bunch more items that he could have been eating. I asked him why he said he didn't have any food that Friday and why he went three days without eating when he had this food all that time, his answer? " Yeah, I knew I had this stuff, but if I cooked any of it I would have had to wash the dishes from cooking and eating it and I just didn't want to do it."!! Now that is laziness!! He does have learning problems as diagnosed when he was in high school. His mother was always doing his homework when he was in school, he loves things like monster trucks and fast cars, but doesn't want to take the time or make the effort to learn how to work on such things. The list goes on and on, but you see, am/was I being an honest parent when I tell him that jobs like police officer, truck driver, registered nurse are jobs that a person like him should not even consider because he is not willing to put in the effort to do those things AND to be trained to do them? Believe me, I am not happy to tell him such things, but I do because he asks me and I feel I should be honest so he doesn't waste his time or his family's money trying to get the education needed for these types of jobs, when I know he will not see it through. I told his wife that his using me as the reason why he doesn't do any of these jobs is PROOF that he is too lazy to do them because if he REALLY wanted to do them, he would do it regardless of what I say.

Rakscha

4 days ago

I can understand that everyone needs to get away from their narcs. But the sad thing is that they than search their next target. I did my best to get away from my narcs but I keep them busy a bit on the distance by supplying them with confusing information about my life (they always want to know your plan to sabotage it you so give them a wrong plan to busy with. I advise you to time stamp a document that you are doing exactly this strategy and why. Time stamp services can be found free on the internet).

Nicole Renèe

1 week ago

I’m so big on empowerment and encouraging others to do what they love, are passionate about, and committed to and I believe it comes from being the person that I didn’t have in my teen years.

I spent my formative years being raised by my paternal grandmother and my father. At 11/12 years old I returned to live with my mother. Her abuse of choice was neglect. She was/is also very jealous and envious towards my sister and me, and I’m convinced that it was because of our relationship with our father. It was like she snatched the very foundational rug from under our feet. With the many opportunities that I had in my teen years and early 20s, if she was supportive life would be different for us all right now. Not just for our family but for the world.

Well, as it turns out, I married someone with very similar behavior. His abuse of choice is all textbook of a narc. It’s how I’ve even to learn about narcissism 14 years ago. It’s also when I realized that I needed the tools to do the inner work so that I never experience these types of relationships ever again. I reclaimed my power by diving into my artistry through photography as a model even if it’s just as a creative outlet and hobby. That actually led to some beautiful art that hangs on the wall of an art museum in Chicago and a few homes of people who bought paintings. My images have been published in magazines and circulate across the internet. When I tell you that this has sent my spouse into a frenzy, to the point of attempting to humiliate me by having multiple affairs because of his insecurity and fragile ego, but then attempted to gaslight me into believing that it is me who’s insecure.

I went back to school for massage therapy and graduated with my son. My spouse made attempts to sabotage me during that time as well. My son and I graduated, passed our state exams, and hold professional licenses. I also hold certifications in other healing modalities as well and am in the process of building my online practice and also an online homeschool (I’m a caregiver to my adult daughter who lives with Cerebral Palsy and homeschool 4 sons. I graduated my 1st homeschooler this year). I did all of this with no help or support from him (ironically he’s a teacher).

I'm not exactly where I desire to be financially as of yet however, I’m working on it just as I did with everything else. I have reflected on how the narcissists in my life have used my empathetic nature against me to render me powerless and destitute however, my empathetic nature needed to die to be transformed into something more powerful.

Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for this wonderful community that you have built. It’s very empowering, encouraging, and validating for those of us who live in a world where our voice is not heard.

Elle Phillips

1 week ago

Oh my God, you are so on point 👌 Thank you for sharing.

Susan Assaf

1 week ago

100% on target! I lost plenty of opportunities over 20 years, but gained a different life eventually. Now I'm helping others hone in on that superpower to reach their potential!

John Deal

1 week ago

That explains a lot of why i could never get on my feet. Disabled for depression. Flying monkeys everywhere. Friends get inaccurate information about me.I lose them. Isolated in town my dad was seen as God like. At home, he was God of old Testament. Haven't been touched in 30 yrs. Hit by belt in youth by father. Punish myself with excessive exercise. 64 yrs. old. Probably not much time left. Wear myself out.

Katie Jka

1 week ago

True... I moved away from my narcissistic parent just to end up with another narcissist. Now I'm isolated and alone in a place where I don't know anyone and I'm too drained and anxious to meet anyone else and find new friends..I hear every day that I'm worthless and that's not even my "home" because he pays for it. He only wants me to be his servant in place that's not even mine. If I try to set some boundaries he says I'm disrespectful and ungrateful. Because he "puts food on the table". Basically I'm supposed to be grateful because I eat. The same thing was with my parents. I don't know what to do. I'm all alone and can't even support myself financially otherwise I would already leave. I'm scared to imagine that it's gonna be like this for the rest of my life. I wish every day that I won't wake up tomorrow.

Me Shell

1 week ago

Thank you Dr Ramani. This video was very moving for me. Every creative idea I proposed to my spouse he would veto. No suggestions, no critique, just straight up “no”

One time I had spent days measuring the backyard in our new place, planning out where I would put decking with future plans for walkways, gardens and maybe even a hot tub someday. He just said NO. When I asked what he objected to, why he would say that, he told me I didn’t respect him if I didn’t listen, and that I just do what I want anyway. There was no way to win. I tore up my to scale plans. Into tiny pieces. I just lost it. It was crushing, the way he discarded and devalued my ideas and even my attempt to defend my ideas.

Now that I am free of him, I see myself still hesitating to make creative leaps of faith, but I am making strides and feel so much more free now that I know I don’t have to overcome his resistance.

I want to be the author of my story, not of his, I don’t want to be a sidekick in his life story, but the star of my own.

That means taking the risks, doing the hard work, potentially failing, but I would rather have the freedom to do so, than restrictions or judgement from my supposed partner.

Thanks Dr Ramani, for helping me to regain my footing and freedom.

Tony G

1 week ago (edited)

I just found your channel and really enjoyed this listen. What you said really played a tone in my mind. During this pandemic I've seen how I am a major part of my family wellbeing. Yet like baby birds they want what they want despite my fatigue, even as adults. Life and being is not easy for anyone. We all have a certain level of growth to understanding at a given time. I'm a husband that works and provides well. Yet gets father's day and birthday observations the day after. If I voice compliant, I'm being petty. It's hard when they don't understand it is love that affords them a comfortable environment not duty. Sometimes I will get a passing thank you but for so many years it was nothing. So at times it feels like empty words to keep the comfort. Thank you!

Nicole Adler

1 week ago

Church can be a hiding place for narcissists using 'discipleship' as a means to overshadow and keep people from soaring! They groom and lovebomb their victims into over-volunteering in their projects and missions.

johan waltar

6 days ago

Thank you! I will work with your inspiration; stop the narcissist.

johan waltar

6 days ago

Thank you! I will work with your inspiration; stop the narcissist.

Penelope S.

1 week ago (edited)

I just turned 45. I've never been married I was told I was never good enough. I was attacked and abused when I was at my most vulnerable. I always forgave but I never forgot. The abuse was embedded in my brain. I've been going from one abusive relationship to another....head spinning. I finally told my 75 year old father I didn't want him in my life anymore. Instead of being sad he said "Thank you." Years of emotional and physical abuse from him and this is what he says. I lost my youth; always worrying. I'm taking charge now and I mourn the girl I could have been.

Cintia Godoy

1 week ago

Dr. Armani. Thanks for your vídeos... now, quite late in life, I get in touch with the knowing of what is a narcissist... I’m choked by realise the most of my relationship were - and is - with narcissist people. I could say I’m a co-dependant of those people, as I realise as much a person makes me feel bad, more he/she drags me into there spells... I’m a daughter of an extreme narcissist father which absolutely destroyed my soul... I did all the best I could not just to survive but to thrive... and I had hidden place within that no one could access and support me to look at everything as a 3rd person.... somehow, Inman family home, after my mother passed away, it felt as everybody was behaving like him and support him, and, most of the time, against me... I was nothing, as they state many times... sometimes I was just a dirty whore... I was not allowed to defend myself and no one did... After my father passed away, in ,y early thirties, my brothers and sister kept hunting me, as they did with my father all their lives. I’ve made myself up. I’ve got a degree as a lawyer, left the country, did a master, a PhD, etc etc... but never really achieve much success as I was so afraid of it.. every time I was growing, I runaway and engage in a abuse relationship... now I’m more aware of it and, even set a very strong boundaries with a friend of mine, from early age... and, guess what? She is as abusive as my father, or even more.... even though I felt very low with her, I was believing it was my lack of self esteem... and now I can that is it not just that, she really is a very abusive one... I could go on and on, but that is part of my history... Thanks and blessings.

Maria

2 days ago

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Thank you Dr. Ramani for teaching me so much!

DonColey

15 hours ago

Had a narc supervisor and he did all to sabotage me at work. Acted like a manager but totally wasn't. I went for it because I was younger at the time and looked up to him being older and all. He took me for a run alright

W G Galbraith

1 week ago

Such a great video! Thank you Doctor Ramani!

Amy Foy

1 week ago

Absolutely this has happened to me....multiple times....to the point now, that I’m so sick that I don’t believe I can ever pursue my big dreams.

daniel wilkes

1 week ago

so the narc says they can't stand the profession i'd like to pursue. left feeling like i cant do it. help.

Soyo

1 week ago

This hit a deep spot for me. Brought me to tears. Painful ones for growing up not knowing my potential or even how to dream. Also tears of gratitude from the warmth, validation, and empathy I received from the video. Thank you. I've always felt this loss... this lack... the emptiness of not knowing what I could do. And the voice that I wouldn't be good at this or that anyway. But we all must keep trying. Yes, knowing where I started, surviving a malignant narc/aspd father, even making to the foothills of my dream mountain would be a victory.

Max Willson

1 week ago (edited)

I'm pretty sure my previous manager was a narcissist. He always bragged about how good his work was and it was good don't be me wrong but he never had anything nice to say about my work. The funny part was, I sent him an email to ask if corporate could let some of our coworkers back from the Covid-19 quarantine and he blew a gasket thinking I was threatening his job. That was my final straw, I ended up quitting the job I worked at for 8 years. It wasn't just him though, I worked in TV news and the entire newsroom had narcissism. It constantly lead to issues when problems happened, it was never the newsroom's fault, it was always sales or production's fault. I wouldn't recommend that career choice if you want to keep your sanity.

Sugar Free

1 week ago

I'm Amazed and ruminate constantly about how many flying monkeys he has and when he can't get them honestly, he pays them to find me and bring me down. 13 years has gone when is he going to stop. The scapegoating must be really important to him in order to maintain his standing in the community or in the community that lives in his head , that he has to pay people to look me up and say dumb stuff. Facebook , I had to close that. I must have a lot of power that I can make him pay people try to bring me down.

Tammi Sommerville

1 week ago

Five years ago, I divorced my severely alcoholic narcissistic husband of 17 years .he then sued my 76 mother (who has full blown dementia) and tried to take her home. I hired an attorney and let the attorney handle him in court. He lost his case then told everyone we knew that he had won...two months later, he died of stage 4 lung cancer, which had been undiagnosed due to his chronic alcoholism and refusal to take responsibility for himself or his own health.

It took me years to process those years of torture and abuse. I was angry at the world and self destructive until one day, it dawned on me that I was still beating/berating and judging myself through his distorted filter of me. In essence, allowing him to continue his reign in my head, long after his death.

That thought awakened my sense of self preservation and self love. I've had to learn to like myself and then to love myself. I am a work in progress, but the life I have now is on my terms and I have managed to slowly rebuild my life on my own. I now have my own place, no longer homeless, and I dont have to tolerate anyone calling me horrible names and picking horrendous fights with me every night from 5pm to 5am because I was a captive participant in my own abuse.

Thank you Dr. Ramani for your online sessions! You have helped me to help myself out of hell and I am forever grateful to you for your clear and understandable sessions on surviving a brutal narcicist.

The Luminary

1 week ago

This is SO relevant right now. Thanks Ramani!

LezTibo PH

1 day ago

Thank you Doctor, please continue to create this type of content.

AMEN Ra

1 week ago

OMG, Dearest Dr. Ramani, U saved my Soul with this Video, what U describe - it is what took all I had, all I was building. I was a Child Performer n youngest UN Ambassador, n my Mother - she hated me on Stage, she had to have me as Slave Toy, n also Trading Product to get my amazing Dad trapped... We tried to escape, for Years... Then she was coming n saying it will b Peace, n seducing us... We were getting back to her, n ...Dad died of Heart Attack, I barely keep surviving n escaping.

Laser007

1 week ago

Where were you 25 years ago Dr Ramani? If only I had known. My mother was narc then I married one. We got divorce 18 months ago and I'm only just starting to fly, even though I'm now 50 :(

Bella B

1 week ago

This hit me real hard. I was made to give up everything I wanted to become. Everything was slutty but stay home wife or teacher. Never the less, married one like them. Free finally, raising myself, learning my rights. Love life again. Thank you for everything you do

Sophie

1 week ago

When my project was over and all project members gathered to celebrate success, my supervisor, in front of the entire office, which included other project teams, gave a speech and thanked all team members, but when it came to me, she said that I was hardworking and dedicated but I was not matured enough. Those words ruined me for days, I wasn't able to make eye-contact with anyone, whenever someone looked at me, it felt to me that that person was probably laughing at me in their minds. I withdrew myself early from that party, went home and cried a lot and asked my parents what was I doing that made me look immature and they didn't understand what had happened. I worked with that supervisor for a long time in that project, but never during that whole time had she ever pointed out any fault with my work or interpersonal skills, and all my team members were always happy with me. However, during that release party, it came as a total shock to me when she called me immature. Now, I understand, it was a sabotage technique because, amongst all team members, I had received the most praise from management and clients.

Gary Palker

1 week ago

My story too long which spans 45 years. Now too difficult to just leave. The cell door is open .... just need an opportunity. She is a bipolar- toxic narc. The worst. If only this information was available to me years ago.

Cheryle Kadelsik

1 week ago

I am 64 yrs old was raised by narc parents, always, my gut knew something

Thank you so much...God spoke to me through your video... he is literally cutting my wings ...I don't want to live in regret..

RoseThePhoenix

1 week ago

He distracted me when I tried to study, and then mocked me for flunking an important class. Ten years of putting him first while my health deteriorated and I became convinced that crumbs were all I deserved or would ever have.

My chance at the degree I once wanted is basically shot. However, I have a better job than a lot of people with that degree (even though it was a hard science degree.) I'm healthier, happier, and sexier than I've ever been. I started dating again two years after leaving him and I don't let anyone devalue me, which feels absolutely amazing. I'm truly having the time of my life right now. It's never too late to value yourself and insist on others valuing you and your time.

RamessesIX

4 days ago (edited)

Only a minute and a half in and I already see a commonality with experience. I am reluctant to ascribe blame for failure to others, but I have on numerous occasions encountered the "karma vampire". They are charming and popular, but with some ax to grind, and they are insidious. And, they aren't always the boss. They just want to be...of you.

HalifaxOMG

1 week ago (edited)

Thank you for everything Dr Ramani!

Rose Walega

1 week ago

I have had so many tears over how I lost ALOT in being married to him ....lived together for 6yrs and married for 19th. It's emotional abuse what they do to you and him being in controll and badgering me...has really did a number on my mind..I can't think, have a hard time driving... i am trying to get him served divorce papers...and the sooner i get away from him the better i will be. I am 60yrs now and I can't bring back the years...but I can move forward and have a peaceful life. You loose all your money with these people, you loose your mind, your body will start acting up .....and meanwhile they are doing everything for them...and I mean everything...there's no limit with them !! And I keep trying to explain to my lawyer even sent a video to her...nobody really understands it .. so I just want out and a letter I am working on will be my own defense. You gotta fight...even if there's not much left in you. I have a chronic illness and disability, and it gets worse around him. Once he's out of my life ....than I will share how I made it. Thanks Dr RAMANI, a very touching video😊 can't really say about dreams because I spent my life working and catering and taking care of him....but no more I stopped awhile back, unfortunately we both are in the same house until divorce and anything could happen.. but hopefully it will be okay

Mara Eliana

1 day ago

My complete self & life...💔

Fereshteh Palmer

1 week ago (edited)

The narc in my life convinced me that having a Phd is pointless for the work that I do. Then he consumed my life with his goals, constant drama and children to the point that I never had time for myself to even think about my own dreams. Fortunately, with God's and therapists' help I was able to gather enough strength and break up and didn't waste so many years of my life on him. After the breakup I started my doctorate degree and now I'm about to start my dissertation. People who don't know about narcs often describe them as pure evil, and they are truly pure evil!

HJO

4 days ago

so thankful you have made this video and put it out into the cyber world available for everyone. It's helpful to hear your words when trying to heal and recover from the disorienting and overloading of emotions that comes after realizing one has been part of a narcissist's sick and miserable world.

Milk Cookies

1 week ago (edited)

Dr Ramani - we love you. Thank you for your work for humanity. This video made me cry.

Heavens Gate

1 week ago

I have been highly affected by a two sided Narcissist...and still being tormented, but letting go not answering anymore.....

Greta Brown

1 week ago

I don’t know if my ex was a narcissist but a lot of bells are going off in my ears as you are talking my husband accused me ( without me knowing it) that I was having affairs regularly when in fact he was doing this. My in-laws distanced themselves from me and “ came unannounced” to check on me when he was at work. They made subtle jokes about me

Yael Rapoport

1 week ago

Making me doubt myself and then telling me I'm a failure/no longer as good as I was because I'm not willing to fight with him to defend my opinion/knowledge.

gerardine21

1 week ago

you talk yourself out of your own aspirations. well said!!

Sonya Murphy

1 week ago

I grew up in a narristic family grandparents included..2 narristic relationship. I lost everything no home no job no prospects.i got cptsd fell into 5 yrs of darkness.by the grace of god I'm out the other side.ive walked away from all family and 5 long term friendships. Found my true self the lord has healed me from all traumas and pain.finally freedom and living my dreams .one day I will heal people of the same traumas I've been through.amen

Maria Madeza

1 week ago

Went to grad school and graduated with honors; bought a home; my daughter graduated from college; I recently retired from nursing and started a small business.

MR Robinson

1 week ago

I have been in and out of a mentally abusive relationship for 3 years. I have lost respect for myself, lost confidence, lost motivation, lost will power. Almost 4 years ago I ended one relationship and jumped into another too soon. Without fully realizing the consequences of my actions I left behind my family and closest friends, and partly their respect for me, to move to another city with my new boyfriend. I had just turned 18. I am now 21 years old, but I realized at merely 19 the mistake I had made. I had been fed promises of being taken care of, of never being hurt, and never being given up on. After the initial move, months of emotional turmoil went by. Not a week went by we weren't fighting. When we did he would sometimes resort to mental abuse, shaming me for past mistakes and calling me worthless for them. I am ashamed to say that I eventually lashed out physically, leading to physical assault between us. After that, for weeks I would have bruises on my chest, arms and body. At the end of the 1st year of this relationship I left bite scars on his arms in self defense. The things I did that felt like they were in self defense I know were wrong too, and though he was not initially apologetic for the things he had said and done, he managed to make me feel bad for what I had, and eventually after months passed he did say sorry too. Not long after and we were back to being friends, on a normal basis without a lot of abuse, but the general insecurities, lack of trust and respect left over on both sides left no room for improvement in the relationship. Things went back to being physically abuse in under a year and we split again, for a shorter period of time. Same thing repeats again most recently and I cannot fully describe the shame, guilt, fear, and disappointment I feel. We are currently not talking, and I resist the urge every day to want to see him, cry and apologize and try to be with him. I do not know what love is, and thanks to years now of self deprecation I do not love myself. I am in the beginning stages of understanding my relationship and what the toxic circumstances really mean. I do have hope, but a large part of me feels as if it still knows how easy it would be to get back together, regardless of the consequences. I would not wish this kind of relationship upon anyone.

MrShromer1

1 week ago

Parents, siblings, employers, friends, lovers, spouse, and now children. Every corner of my life! My life has been a SWAMP OF NARCISSISTS! But I am now free!

Aubrey Sottile

1 week ago (edited)

Yeah. I work in the restaurant industry. Lots of alcoholics/ recovering alcoholics. People insecure in their own abilities that spill over onto others. It’s like being in a small room, trying to create or do things at a limited capacity. Like you need to know your place so to speak. It’s pretty insane. Also, thank you for your vids on this .. you’re great! The world is missing intelligence and co-creativity. Like basic human skills lol which is why I’m a firm believer in that the idea of a “social minority” doesn’t actually exist. It’s sort of a drama/ comedy narcissists fighting for turf. It kind of really opened my eyes to what I personally value, and what I need in order to be happy. And it’s not moving up in rank like that. Sharing ideas, and establishing the line between constructive criticism, and I know more than you do. Teaching I think definitely requires self awareness, and hate to say it ... but a degree of sensitivity.

kevin connor

1 day ago

I have dealt with this for years now. Every opportunity that came my way that was positive for my life was sabotaged right away. I could literally see her stirring every time I had good news and she was already plotting on how to ruin it for me. It took years but now it’s so apparent that it’s pathetic. The worst part is other family members were lured in too so now I am dealing with multiple narcs

Christine Moser

4 days ago

I am so grateful to have discovered your videos late last year. I was not aware of what narcissism meant. Through you I have discovered (at 69 years old) the narcissist abuse from my mother and first and second husband. Because of financial considerations, I am forced to stay and deal with my narcissistic husband. It is a daily battle and your videos are my shield. Thank you for your loving and caring for our mental health. I am planning a separation soon to another state as we have a retirement home on a lake in WA with a renter in it. My husband and I live in CA right now in an owned home and a rental property in same town. Husband refusing to retire. Says he will in december when he turns 70. Of course I have heard "next year" for the past 5 years. I've wanted to move to WA where my daughters and grandkids live for years after having taken early retirement due to health issues. I volunteered as a Peer Counselor for a non profit group and did eldercare for a couple of years. Also, took a part time job with a non profit organization as a job coach. The last 2.5 years I have had 3 major surgeries and spent the years recovering. Now that I am out of pain and functional, Covid-19 strikes our nation. I felt my mental abilities to cope with isolation slipping early spring. I did an on line counseling session with a local therapist and she recommended that I leave immediately for WA. More Covid isolation. I thank God for you and my two closest friends who keep me sane through this difficult time of transitioning. I have also watched you a few times on the Mel Robbins Show. Keep doing what you are doing Dr. Ramani.

You are a life saver for those of us that are drowning in the sea of narcissistic abuse.

Flo

1 week ago (edited)

Thank you Dr.

I have survived a10+ year narcissistic relationship and now working on and intent on thriving, but it is not without constant and continued effort!

It most definitely took it's toll on me and had he has his way, I most certainly would have utterly been destroyed.

I 'shy' from labels but for the sake of communication, it is because of that marriage I have discovered I am a' Super Empath'. I am Christian and KNOW that it is because of the Christ in me and the Holy Spirit and the MIGHTY ALL POWERFUL, ALL KNOWING God in me, that the Narcissist was NOT able to destroy me.

I took him back several times. The police were involved. Restraining orders, drugs, cheating... lies beyond lies. Financial instability. Just pure craziness. It unfortunately took everything I went through for me to finally get to this level of understanding about humanity and narcissists. I was forever hopeful, but am completely over that and realize it was his choice and who he is and just thankful to be out of all that hell.

I remember making and taking a mental not one day when. I said to myself and absolutely meant every word of it, that if I never saw my husband again in all my life I would absolutely be 1005 fine.

I had to make that statement because as you know, when they hoover and love bomb you , you can completely forget, and I was always to quick to forgive and forget. But thank yo LROD praise God, I am F-I-NI-S-H-E-D with it all and we are divorced and have gone our separate.

He was a master charader, but that is not my business or concern or problem.

I believe what YOU are doing and all others is being used to and these legion of demons over the 'cliff' and into the 'ocean'.

Thank you sister.

You are in my prayers powerful warrior!

We LOVE you Dr. Ramani.

I could go on with do many more validating experiences to what you are speaking about, but others may not want to read a book in a YouTube comment!!☺️

My faith in Christ is solid. He saved me from a treacherous life in the streets from the hands of criminals.

He saved me from tremendous experiences but my ability to choose men still was lacking. And I was so naive. Still believing the best. I am saying this to say that my strong relationship with God is what allowed me to basically fight myself out of that relationship.

Even when he said, " i could destroy you if I wanted." I would look him in his eye and tell him you have no idea who I serve ,S## N######. And the God in me would chase him away.

He did not destroy me, but like I said, it certainly did take it' s toll.

This video is a BLESSING, empowering and hope producing. THANK you. I share your videos as God leads me.

I'm ALWAYS concerned others will think I'm trying to smear his name if it share too many.

Also.. Do you think that because I still listen to these sorts of videos it means I am not yet 'free' of him?

I feel empowered, strengthened and comforted by these.

I am fighting you THRIVE and not lose the life purpose God has planned for me.

I'm 53. It's been 5 months that the divorce is final.

I'm not ever going to be with him again and it. is as if 300 pounds has been lifted. Literally. He was 250 and I am wOrking iff 50 pounds more from the 70 pounds I GAINED WHILE IN THAT CRAZINESS. I've lost 20 already and 50 more to go. Please keep me in your thoughts.

I'm so thankful for you. Please don't stop. And I hope you're well. Flo

Fatima Leger

6 days ago (edited)

You develop fire-wall intelligence and healthy boundaries. Not everyone should get a chance - like clicking ads that could let a Trojan virus / more sand bag limitations in. No thanks 🙅🏽‍♀️

Ben Calibri

1 week ago (edited)

God, this was beautiful. Like heavenly balm after a lifetime, from babyhood, of the most soul shattering abuse imaginable - and I didn't know. I just didn't know. I had to become small and smaller and smaller and smaller. My vicious sadistic narcissist mother systematically attacked and destroyed every area of my life. She burnt me, she drugged me, she blamed me, she hit me, she injured me to the point I could easily have died. And THEN she employed every possible flying monkey in every possible area of my life - and I didn't know. My sense of self was so warped I had NO CONCEPT even of self love. NONE. There was never a time she was not attacking me. And she was a master manipulator. A MASTER. IF you somehow get the information you need to recognise a narcissist in your life, run. Run as far and as fast as you can and NEVER go back. Sadly, my mother had this direct control over my soul and could manipulate me like a puppet. Narcissists DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU. THEY HATE YOU. GET AWAY FROM THEM. THERE IS NO OTHER ACTION TO BE TAKEN. GET AWAY AND START TO HEAL AND LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE. By the way, even after her death, her flying monkeys STILL work for her. The damage narcissists do in the world in just beyond understanding unless you have live through it yourself and studied for a lifetime.

wendy roblo

1 week ago (edited)

Thank you for your content Dr. Ramani. An avid subscriber here.❤❤❤

Flo

1 week ago

I'm reading these comments and these 'people' are ALL the same. That's why I am convinced it's a 'spirit'. a narcissistic spirit. They are plagued, possessed, taken over, whatever you want to call it it is not human.

Daisy351

1 week ago

My dad was so so abusive towards me while living with him. He left me so emotionally and spiritually exhausted. Now that i am not around him i still feel the effect of his abuse.

Wow, i am glad that you touched on this.

He did everything,that you mention.

I know that i would have been more successful if he treated me way better, such as he treated my mean sister who is,a golden child

Charity Pawandiwa

1 week ago

Dr Romani this explains so much. I think its also the root of envy and whitchcraft - insecurity .

Iana Geras

1 week ago

So amazing to find this channel!!

Amethyst Sloan

1 week ago

Wow. My narcissist prevented me from having any family relationships. Now, in my 30s with a child I am making relationships of my own finally.

Kaly Arthurs

1 week ago

My family is so narcissistic that, when I finally got some confidence and went to Medical school, not one person in my family came to my graduation.

No one ever helped me set up a practice. So on and so forth... then another narc came into my life in business partner female she stole my ideas and if confronted became a victim, then another narc in a relationship, and another, then another then 10 years alone, basically they all destroyed my career - broke and broken I moved to where my Narc father is and met a nice guy who after 1.5 years revealed his narcissistic self although- the signs were there. 2 years now I have been unable to do anything. Recently I lost my daughter to narc abuse, the narcs decided to go back with his ex and she decided to clean up the competition, it resulted in my daughters death.. next i get a good case of cancer on top of the grief.

I’m a light carrier and healer so it took a lot to destroy me. They r compelled to keep me dimmed! But no more. I have learned to manipulate those sick demons and let them go in a way that prevents them from retaliating. Then, I have released all loyalty contracts and authority contracts in my soul. I’m still struggling with the anger a little, but my heart is glued back together. I’m all about boundaries and surrender. Here to help others. Thanks so much for this video- this keys into what we all knew was the big kill. Self destructive feelings that come with this is life threatening- I had so many patients with this pain that i started I ran an SLAA for women to help address the behaviors- I only lost one that first year. Suicide and murder/suicide, addictions, all are compensation mechanisms for this abuse. It is love addiction and the anxiety attachment it causes that is behind it.

Shawntea Houston

1 week ago

Thank you for this your channel is changing my life from depression too a glimpse of hope because I thought no one knew what I'm going through and then I found one of your med conversations and it changed my strength and resilience to not give up

Selma Hattat

1 week ago

I had been caught in a cycle of dating narcissist after narcissist b/c I am an empath. I attract them. In the past, I never knew what a narcissist even was, until my last relationship!

Yvette Boer

1 week ago

Im just do sad and been crying through listening to you ...i have been in a 20 year marriage with a narsistic person ....

Cerise Citron

1 week ago

When I started law school at 18 I was struggling with my mental health after suffering from abuse throughout my childhood. My father proceeded to tell me 'maybe you just aren't smart enough'. I ended up dropping out. Fortunately I realised that he was ruining my life, so I cut him off and went to therapy. Two years passed and I went back to law school. Now I have a bachelors degree, and I am working on my masters. Don't let these people deprive you of the life you deserve!!

Pat Windon

1 week ago

Thank you Dr Ramani!!! Its been 30 years of marriage to a covert/malignant narcissist. I needed this and I'm saving this video to replay for myself often as a reminder.

Things have been hard for me for a while now. I grew up with a narcissistic father (who I also believe to be antisocial), and successfully cut him off at the age of 16 after realizing how abusive the situation was for not only myself but for my mother & brother. Fast forward a few years, and I entered my first real relationship with (surprise!) another narcissist who also identifies with borderline traits. We're still together at this moment, but I want to say that won't be the case for much longer.

He crossed one too many lines before I was strong enough to really put my foot down, and even still he tries to redefine those boundaries I set in ways that are most convenient for himself. The hardest part is that I still empathize with all of the wrong that was done to him in the past, and even see the value in who he is today (ironically, he's going for his PhD in clinical psychology and used to watch Dr. Ramani—making the subtle mind games all the more difficult to maneuver). But I don't believe he can truly be there for me like I know I need going forward.

The worst part for me in regards to the topic of this video is that while I was going through this process of my dreams being belittled and pushed aside while he boasted about his (which was draining to say the least), everytime I confronted him about it he always insisted it was out of "tough love" and "trying to be realistic" so that I could better motivate myself going forward. Which is, unsurprisingly, the exact opposite of what he ended up doing in actuality.

Only lately have I begun to reconnect to my aspirations and goals, and actually took some steps to achieving them without needing his approval: which has been both amazing and freeing. But I know I still have a ways to go.

Tuesday McNite -The Desk of Kyshia L Smith

1 week ago

I thank you and I will follow up with my story I'm in the middle of of stopping a 15 years narcissistic abusive marriage, never could place a name on it until The Lord lead me to this knowledge and understanding, now I am working my plan with my eyes open and NOT letting Religion keep me bound.

Nikki

1 week ago

I want to open my own business. I actually have the license to do so. I keep hearing from someone who I really should be able to trust, that I’m not good enough. Well guess what? I’m going to do it anyways! I won’t tell them, I’ll just do what I want. Shame on them.

D'lightful

1 week ago

Emphatic head nodding through this whole video! I'm in the middle of wondering if I will ever get past the constant invalidation and cruel setbacks. I'm an empath who learned to be a good people-pleasing-helper/rescuer with a covert narcissistic father, husband, and overt narcississtic/sociopath bosses. After wondering why I was targeted, used, and treated so poorly when I am a kind, hard working, team oriented person, I discovered your work. It makes sense now. You have given me hope to heal and get back out in the world to share my gifts and vision. This time I will be wise and have my boundaries in place.Thank you! You are an angel.

amber chorba

1 week ago (edited)

I want to scream at times to those I see, living their own lie in misery -but knowing how long it took for me & then the ugly backlash of lies that ensued- after awakening to become the self I had forgotten I knew- “I Survived!”-altho just barely I wasn’t living & no longer did I wish to but rather was just existing- with too much complacently- so numb for reason of insanity- or so they diagnosed me- but after being raised to know of only a lifetime of lies- my asking questions only ever led to ME being silenced- before I realized it, I was more than a decade into my own misery- too much numb being over-medicated- how unfair & mind boggling- crazy’s calling me more crazy than she?- or thereafter,.. because then, I regrettably married, so then it was he- doing the crazy-makin- continuing what the first had begun I simply existed for more than a decade of my time-alive but took 40 years to know a real love & truly live my happy life- finding my place-being myself & nothing For me has ever happened or been anymore than this.. “right on time”. .. an excerpt from my book-to-be..

ellie

1 week ago

Thank you for another inspiring video. This one definitely resonates more than I can say. I read the comments and it's all there in the mix. I was young when I met my now ex-husband and had no idea about narcissists. He was very subtle too, so it takes time to realize what is happening.

New Me

1 week ago

Thank you Dr. Ramani. Your words brought tears to my eyes. My ex quenched my dreams on numerous occasions. Now that I’ve moved out, I find myself asking, “What is it that I want to do?”. At one point I wanted to do real estate. I failed the exam by 2 points. Every time I wanted to re-take the exam, he would be manipulative & keep committing financial abuse; HOWEVER, suddenly he wanted to do real estate. He took the exam for a different state, but failed 3 times; miraculously he managed to pay for HIS re-takes😡. It made me angry because I supported him & stood by him; cheered him on, but when it came to reciprocation; all I got was excuses & silence. So going forward, I will get back into writing and learn new things, but I’ve lost my desire for real estate. I look forward to new possibilities 💕. I look forward to reading some of the positive outcome comments on here.

L E Walden

1 week ago

Thank you! 38 years and working to find a way to thrive... I will!

katy k

1 week ago

Lol it happened to me at every stage mentioned 😂😂😂😂

Makeup by Ryno

1 week ago

I always wondered how it is that Dr Ramani has such a profound understanding of narcissism and as far as I know, not until this video has she let on that this is also very personal to her life experience. To me this is one of the most important videos of the hundreds I've watched on narcissism and the most eloquent and powerful reminder to reclaim one's life. I have not yet found my superpower to overcome my narcissistically abusive relationship of 5 years. It has stolen another year of my life post-breakup, every minute a living hell but I pray to anything that will listen to help me become free of the poison that the narcissist spread into my life, devastating every aspect of it. Thank you Dr Ramani from the depth of my heart for this and your other videos.

Gerald Davino

1 week ago

In the mid 1970’s before PC’s and the Internet on my first job out of college in a high unemployment economy , I worked as the only employee of a sadistic narcissist. We were manipulating well over a half million pieces of information at any time on a production schedule that we rendered fully finished for publication; we did that three times a year. Very quickly I learned that my boss suffered from cluster headaches, so I was careful not to trigger them. Within two weeks of being hired, I was buried in mountains of stultifying tedious detailed work without help and under constant criticism for not working fast enough or for not being accurate enough. I was imprisoned at my desk and my contacts with others were extremely restricted. I learned nothing to allow for professional growth and, indeed, nothing about my project. My narcissist boss was flying by the seat of his pants without any clear idea of how to organize the project I figured out later. Rather than admit the problem, he allowed everyone to criticize my work while he bought time to figure out what to do, and others being free to do that, I was allowed to become the focus of criticism for everyone’s discontent and frustrations. I really didn’t know any of this. At my six months review, I received a raise of THREE cents an hour. It took me weeks to figure out what had happened. My boss and everyone around him had torn me to shreds to the managing director. After three sleepless nights, I understood that my agreement to stay on until the end of the project was impossible. I seriously thought about visiting an emergency room because I was feeling so odd, but I didn’t have taxi fare. Anyway, I asked to leave for health reasons immediately. I was made to wait two weeks and my boss blamed me for an inability to get along with him in my reference. I should have sued but I pitied everyone else who still worked there. My boss was essential to the advancement of the project, so he was allowed to trash me in the reference. It turns out that I was replaced by three people! The Internet reveals that paranoia and schizophrenic episodes can accompany cluster headaches. Who knew? Indeed, who cared. I resolved to be my own boss thereafter and I had a successful career teaching, always keeping the needs of my students primary. I lost out on salary for a lifetime for opting out of the business world. I have had professional joy and satisfaction. I experienced PTSD for two years after leaving the job in the 1970s. I was surprised to relive that PTSD for a second time when stressed by caring for a partner with Alzheimer’s. Dr Ramini says that narcissists destroy their victims’ ability to fulfill their potential. She’s right. Where was she or any help with this in the 1970s? Those of you reading this should stick with her because she happens to understand the problem and it’s impacts. Bravo Dr R!

Miriam Ramsey

1 week ago

It broke me till I thought I couldn't make it but I did an I have achieved a hell of alot an got the place I have wanted this last while.

After all my struggles of being homeless living in shelter an made to think by him I couldn't make it, well people I DID AND YOU CAN TO ALWAYS LOVE YOURSELF DEEPLY NO MATTER HOW HARD LIFE GETS IT DOES GET WONDERFUL IN TIME JUST KEEP GOING X

Kelly Marron

1 week ago

Oh my gosh..... This describes EXACTLY how I have I feel about what happened to me. Geez I feel like an idiot...but on the other hand I am SOOOO GRATEFUL to FINALLY understand what has happened in my 15 year relationship. Baby steps one day at a time. It’s time to worry about me! I seriously could write book on this subject. Just saying ANYTHING is possible 🙏🏼

Coffee and Chill

1 week ago

Dr Ramani, I'd really like a session with you, is there a way to do that?

Xalid Xalid

1 week ago

Doctor Ramani, this video hit home for me. Thank you so much.

Brenda Magallanes

1 week ago

My husband left 2 days ago. He knows I'm jobless and penniless...I believe he thinks he's coming back...I believe he thinks he's teaching me a lesson...I'm not letting him come back...I might get utilities cut off n wonder how to get gas money or toilet paper but he's not coming back

Victoria

1 week ago

Very helpful content , loved it because I needed to hear those words 👍

Marren 63

1 week ago

I have given up many things over the past 4 decades including valued friendships and family relationships, furthering my education, career goals and even my sanity. The worst loss was losing a sense of hope for myself and my future. I'm one of the "emancipated- later-in-life-people" and I'm very happy to say it's never too late to heal and move on. Many opportunities have passed me by but I'm so grateful for finally finding peace of mind, self respect, rich relationships (especially with myself) and most importantly having hopeful anticipation for my life!

Michelle Speer

1 week ago

Love this! Gives me hope...

Ocea Lei

1 week ago (edited)

@DrRamani Thank you for this life saving work! 💜💜💜

K A

1 week ago

I have a survivor story.

I've loved singing my entire life. I went to college for music, was great at it, but then my Nmom started drinking. Her abuse left me debilitatingly sick for years. I lost my voice. And I almost ended my life.

Over the last few years, in addition to 7 years of therapy, I've practiced my singing and now I'm better than i ever was. With YOUR help, Dr Ramani, i avoided 3 narcissistic/toxic guitarists, and Ive finally found one with whom I'm forming an actual friendship. We've been working together for less than 2 weeks and have already written 2 songs (which means we have great musical chemistry). Local performance is in our future. Which is what Ive wanted deeply for so long. I'm 28. My narc stole my music dreams a decade ago. But I fought every fucking day. And now my dream of playing with other people is happening.

Christina Small

1 week ago

I give up my career as a artist to support us. I got a job in retail. I finally separated from him after three years. I looked to restart my career again in the arts. I am using YouTube and books to help get me back into creating again.

2gooddrifters

1 week ago

You're making me cry. It's so true but what do I do.

Jimena Cuevas

1 week ago

I got a contract in a modeling agency and gave it up because I was afraid of jealousy and being criticized, he said my beauty was unusual and not to everyone’s taste.

MrJerryStevenson

1 week ago

Thank you so much. This speaks volumes for me. Sidenote: I just realized Ive been dealing with a slow and steady natural gas leak for two years that has impacted my health life and recovery in every area. In regards to this, no one at any time is aloud to use discrimination, social movements of our times, or sensitive information to my career to destroy me. This war been waged against me for far to long and I feel like today I'm finally making headway. This video sums it up. the whole enchilada. I am so grateful you had these words today. Just the sound of your voice became a moment where I finally could put everything in perspective. Now that I can see all the pieces come together I can finally put wellness in reach. Thank you Dr. ramani. This video really did it for me.

DoctorRamani

Tatania Alba

1 week ago

Okay how do I start my success story I'm at a point in my life that I don't trust anyone i don't want any friends i don't talk to anyone I just want to be alone I feel has i don't have a soul anyone

Gabriela Santika Lin

1 week ago (edited)

100% correct. He destroyed my life, my passion, my dream, and he was the main reason why I had to leave my dream country, dream jobs, friends, and went back to 0 even minus in my small hometown. Plus, he still stole thousands of dollars from me. He almost ruined my education by discarding me without warning 3 days before my thesis presentation. Thank God, I still had power to finish my thesis process until the end

Cailin

5 days ago

I was a veterinary technician, it was a job that I absolutely loved. I was going to college. I was a strong person mentally & overcame so much childhood trauma. I liked who I was. I was confident & outgoing, with a lot of friends. My relationship literally destroyed everything I just listed... my life turned into constantly moving all over the country to follow HIS company. basically being his maid, personal assistant, & mother. We never stayed anywhere long enough to make friends or go out. I never socialized. I just took care of him. My entire identity was gone, I didn’t feel like I was living anymore.. just existing. The worst thing was that when the anger was peaking in our relationship.. I actually started to believe that I WAS a bad person, a psychotic burden, someone who had no value to add to anyone. FAST FORWARD- when I left him.. it took a while to transition but I’m starting to find simple joys in life again. But the best part .. I’m no longer under the impression that I’m a bad person inside, I’m comfortable with my character again. And with that I feel like my potential is coming back. 😊

Amaravi

1 week ago (edited)

My father hated my aspirations for music, when i was a child. He believed that the world was too racist for me to succeed in anything less than being an accountant or something similarly stable. And my father would call me an idiot and berate me in front of other family members. So I gave up on the idea of pursuing music at University, but I also gave up on University entirely. A few years later he manipulated me into going to University to study IT. (He gave me a job then his boss transferred me to a dead-end job, then one of my Dad's contacts offered me a better job on the condition that I get a degree).

So I left town to study away from my parents. I still made music in my bedroom and my friends were impressed. They gave my song to a local DJ and I was given a job. I quickly discovered how toxic the music industry was. I became a big success, playing at 5 venues in the city and having crowds up to 1000 people a night. Our biggest success was $5000 profit in one night. And I attracted the interest of a successful music manager, who I now believe is a sociopath. I trusted her and gave her the info she needed to wreak havoc in my life.

Her associates leaked the things I had said about the disagreements I had with my business partners, and one of the nightclub owners forced me to cut my business partners out of a deal then he said that it was my decision. So, in retaliation they cut me out of my own business and the nightclub owner supported this. When I tried to ask the prospective manager for advice, she suddenly announced that it was inappropriate for me to be talking to her about my problems unless I was to officially become her client. And I realised that it was all a setup. She had sabotaged everything so that she could have complete dominance over me.

To make matters worse, she had convinced my family to be on her side. And as I tried to back away from the music industry I was faced with many incidents of domestic violence from my brother. Eventually, when he violated a restraining order by threatening me, he was put in prison for a year (he had committed many other violent crimes to other people and the courts weren't going to give him any more chances). I don't know if its a coincedence or not, but after this I developed bipolar 1. The negative side is that I was almost always depressed and partially gave in to the abuse. But the positive side, is that once a year I become hypomanic enough to fight back for control of my life. And I decided to blend my aspirations for IT and music into one thing.

I started a company that makes a music app that will eventually allow musicians to succeed without industry support so they can avoid my nightmare. So far, I've received $400,000 in investment and almost $200,000 in grants. I haven't performed any music in about ten years now, but one day I hope to feel free enough to get back into writing and performing music. My parents have dropped most of the bad aspects of their behavior and I refuse to have anything to do with my brother (who is probably a psychopath), so my personal life has improved dramatically. I just now have to deal with narcissistic investors who are frequently giving me the silent treatment. But at least I have developed skills for powering through it. And this channel helps to validate my experiences

Lucretius

19 hours ago (edited)

So true. It's a cesspool of dramatic redundancy that requires years to unravel. No perseveration left behind. Growing up with a BPD mother and two BPD grandmothers left me in a state of eternal paralysis, confusion, fear, and self-abnegation. The half-life effects of Cluster B trauma bonds can easily take half a lifetime to recover from. Thank you for this, Dr. Ramani. https://armchairdeductions.wordpress.com/2019/04/16/the-borderline-mother-matriarchy-and-its-discontents/

Renata Williamson

1 week ago

Dr Ramani you are an Angel thank you for your time and effort to explain and help with your advises ...much love...!!! 💖

They Came For Joey Diaz

1 week ago

You all still watch Fifty Shades of Gray though. Rofl. Blame your own Hypergamy, Karens. Should have made better life decisions. We've been dealing with Karens for years and now you're all unhappy we're not putting up with it anymore.

Trestle Truss

6 days ago (edited)

I had a narcissistic boss, co worker and boyfriend. They all came from the same city. No wonder why I didn't succeed within my environment because these people are toxic. I'm so glad I moved States and I cut them off from my life completely. They better not come back because the damage has been done.It's funny how most narcissist are the insecure ones, always hungry for success willing to do anything get what they want out of life, even if it's bringing other people down. Never ever trust a narcissist, don't establish closeness with a narcissist, it's time wasted. They will not lift you up, you will not get anything from them if it doesn't serve their needs.

Homefry Niles

1 week ago

"...their future faking and manipulation led you to slowly clip your wings..."

Dr. Ramani, your words are as beautiful as they are wise. Bless you!

Donald Prince

1 week ago

I lost my music career dealing with my narc

jazzip

1 week ago (edited)

Omg I suspected my ex was a covert. He would get angry over trival things and say the most foul things to me. Then he would turn around and blame me for the things he said lol.

He held it against me that I’m educated and have the flexibility that my career affords while he worked in the same factory job in the same position since he was 15. He holds that up as a pedestal. I’m happy he walked away on his own accord.

BKNC Family

6 days ago

Hi doctor Ramani! could you talk about your personal experience with narcissist in relationships?

Carrie Ann Kouri

1 week ago

Thank you. I’m clipping those sandbags.

Kavya Dhaipulle

1 week ago

This video made me cry. I was mocked and laughed at for my dream of becoming a clinical psychologist because he thought the average salary was a joke. It was at this point I felt my heart sink and I began to question my own dreams. After going a month of NC, I feel so happy that I can be whatever I want without this person making me feel small.

My narcissistic friend, he always says I am useless. But first time he listened to me singing, and i sing pretty well. He didn't say any good word. It was like he was jealous. And he would always talk about how good singer he is.

And be it any of my talents once he knew I had that talent he wouldn't mention it ever again. If I received any award he'll say it's nothing. He'll always criticize how poor my dressing sense is, and how cool he dresses. And he'd always tell me about his stories. Never wanted to know anything related to me.

And he doesn't even think if things he says will hurt people . And I suffered his mental harassment for a long time. Until I realised the reason for my low self esteem, low self confidence, my insecurities is this person. And one day I mustered up the courage and said, listen u r doing this and this to me. I won't stand it anymore. So we argued. But became friends again. But he kept doing it. Kept saying hurtful things. So I said I'm sorry I have to stop this friendship. I cannot tolerate this anymore. And he kept gaslighting me, saying I'm telling really illogical things, I'm overthinking, I cannot take jokes, I don't know the meaning of friendship. And I made my mind strong enough to understand that what he was doing is gaslighting.

Now it's been months since I cut the contact. And I'm enjoying my happy life now. I love myself. I have regained my self esteem. I know that I'm not worthless or useless. I am grateful for my blessings and talents that God gave me.

And I am so happy that I made the right decision staying away from that toxic person. It was really hard to leave someone that close. But it's worth it. May be it's good for that person too.

Myra DeLeon

1 week ago

Doctor Ramani, thank you for this video. Thank you for all you do.

keli gsp

1 week ago (edited)

Was my story glad that book is closed.

emilygrae

1 week ago

😭 Thank you Dr Ramani.

BrightRiverSunset

1 week ago

Years ago our neighbors/friends started a plumbing business. The husband was in his early 50's. My husband & I listened to their plans and we encouraged them to go for it. However, when my husband talked to them about the tile business he wanted to start, the first thing out of the wife's mouth was, "You won't be able to afford the insurance it takes for the business."

The narcissist is threatened by anyone who they perceive may achieve more success than they will.

AwkwardWhispers

1 week ago

I started drawing again :)

Lovie Bryant

1 week ago

My narc mother was determined I wasn't going to even match or God forbid. Go further than her.

Tammy McArthur

1 week ago

My mom is a narcissistic mom . It’s been incredibly strengthening ... but that only happens when you start to evolve and love yourself .

Elle Browne

3 days ago

You end up with CPTSD.

Mother Rabbit

1 week ago

Great job Doc. I made a “take it back” list before I even really knew what was going on. It included simple things like climbing a tree if I wanted to, researching anything I wanted, a moment to myself, etc. It was a long, simple, private list of things anyone should take for granted but I needed back. This “take back” list woke me up and paved the way to to greater things.

Patricia Boone

1 week ago

Thank you, Dr. Ramani!

H Athlete4ever

1 week ago

I gave up not only my career of professional wrestling, but my love for the business and sport of professional wrestling.

Darius E. Bennett

1 week ago

I allowed a narcissistic boss to talk me out of networking at the start of my career. When I left that job, I had no connections, nor did I have a network of people who could guide me to my next job. Instead, I followed my narcissistic ex to a new city (because he was too unhappy to stay where we were until we could sell our house), and in that city accepted a job that paid half of what I made at the first job AND my ex and our lost our house (because I had been carrying 80% of the mortgage). At the new job, that boss SEEMED nice until he called me from his cancer treatment to chew me out about a an easily resolved mistake. My spirit was breaking. Now, 15 years later, I have a great network of colleagues, and we look out for each other! Also, I finally understand what is meant by "happily single", and I have opened my own boutique firm. It is all very scary, and a little lonely at times, but lying down at night not having to worry about if I disappointed my partner or pissed off my boss is such a joyous, wild ride! I catch myself seeking approval and realize, "Wait, I am the boss; therefore, I don't need to worry about approval. If I am satisfied with it, I am done." Such a GREAT feeling. And, I haven't had one spiritually debilitating argument during this pandemic because I LIVE ALONE AND AM SINGLE! This amount of freedom is a little scary! Anyway, I never run out of interesting things I've always wanted to do, interesting books I want to read, podcasts (I follow over 30 now!), and I can structure my days however I want, without seeking anyone's support or approval. Sometimes I feel so relieved I cry. Wild! Hope this wasn't too scattered and that it helped someone. Be well.

feefee ali

1 week ago

My father and exhusband was like this... I see my ex do this to my daughter. When I show her these videos... It resonates with her. I've been unable to get her adequate therapy. But wow, she's only 8 and these videos are doing more for her than a year with a child psychiatrist... My kid isn't the problem. It's her dad's endless abuse. And seeing her mom abused. We need laws to stop this.

amal pardes faraj

1 week ago

When I was studying to become a psychologist, my narc boyfriend always insulted my career and questioned my opinions as a psychologist, by the end he got me believing I could never make it as a clinical psychologist. 6 years that relationship lasted. This video makes me want to put back my wings. Thank you so much Dr Ramani; I always get goosebumps watching your videos 🙏🏻

BG M

5 days ago (edited)

Man, I do feel God pulled me out of a Narcissistic Family, & I went to school to escape them. Unfortunately I was still broken & attracted & married a malignant Narcissist. -Who happened to get along with the Narcissists in my family best, -the ones who scapegoated & abused me the most. We finally divorced not without fallout on my oldest son who he scapegoated with me. When my son went to school with bruises from his Dad or now my Ex, my Ex turned it around & made my Son and Me out to be the crazy ones. He even had me banned from the "Family Therapy Sessions." So when I got my Masters Degree in psychology, my name was smeared so badly that I could not get a job in the Human Service field. For months I supported my family(3 people) on $300 a month. He takes no responsibility for that nor did he show concern for the kids welfare. He blamed me. When I finally worked, I got promotions & raises but not without Narcissistic coworkers trying to sabotage me. I obviously still had the Empathic Narcissistic Target on my head. -So badly that I took pay cuts to get out of the business after around 20 yrs. Now 23 yrs. after my divorce, my son has been attacked & smeared & his career ruined, good jobs & free schooling taken away by a group of angry drug-using Narcissists, so badly that they tried to find reasons to arrest him. One of them has since became a police making the attacks even more serious. Two years ago he moved back with me & his close-by Narcissistic Father apparently encourages the police & adds to the "investigation." My son was set-up & we believe, almost falsely arrested, in an attempt to keep him from College Graduation. Their efforts worked. I had to go above the police to stop this. Now I am a Target again because the police got caught in the act! From that point on they've come into our home at will with keys, when we are gone or working; stole our identity, & personal information, even a lot of meat & steaks from the freezer, and our tax statements. They get into our phones and computers, email, or steal them & wipe our photos & information. Then return what they don't need so we look crazy for reporting it missing. We changed our locks 3 times and they made a point of letting us know they can still get in by throwing garbage & "returned" stolen items back into our house. Now I believe they cost me my job as my remote connection at work was unplugged, & my Login's were hijacked with a fake search engine. Now in my job search Releases show up, where I have to sign my life away or give up all my rights, just to get an interview. They want me to give them a reason for knowing what they know. They also know our enemies from going through our stuff, so they know who will smear me. They just want my permission; by sneaking invasive releases into my job applications. Police in this area have a lot of power, and my ex is using the past experiences to make it look like my Son and I are crazy to anyone involved, once again! -Only on a much larger scale this time! I have been unemployed for almost 2 months now. HELP! They are trying to ruin our lives, prove us to be unfit, and take everything away from us that we own! They have even set things up in our house to make it look like we stole things. HELP us from this living nightmare! -In the past, they pulled (MUCH SHORTER) answers of mine from yours & other Narcissistic Enlightenment sites, or reduced my answer to one sentence & pulling the part that declares my Ex's Narcissism & illness. Please help, advise! No one believes that my ex or the police would do this. Look at the headlines. I believe corruption has to exist at a deeper level, where we all become vulnerable to the open sense of privilege that are displayed in these and my cases. This makes those populations that already have biases & discrimination working against them, even more vulnerable where something as horrible as a public death occurs. This all has to stop!

Ramz Sharma

4 days ago

EVERY WORD IS MY STORY IN 26YRS OF MARRIAGE, a CREATIVE SINGER WRITER PAINTER DANCER ACTRESS WAS REDUCED N FINALLY DISCARDED FOR ANOTHER .iN SO MUCH Pain.CANT LEAVE ...TRYING HARD TO SURVIVE

J. D. Stephens

1 week ago

One final thought...how often do victims of narcissistic abuse (family) get diagnosed with borderline personality disorder? I was the scapegoat.

David Cirz

1 week ago

After I left the narc last year my life was able to change, it was not easy but:

-I was able to apply for the job I wanted

-I was able to look in the mirror and like what I see

- Be proud of where I came from and where I reside

- Have the strength to chase my personal and professional dreams

- Most importantly of all know that there is nothing wrong with me.

Narcissistic people are very toxic, they are very deeply insecure with themselves they cannot stand to see another succeeding. We all deserve to chase our dreams and goals. Do not let a narc make you think otherwise.

Dew Drops

1 week ago

my narccisstic mom-she was a classic case-didn't want me to get education-when I was 15,I managed to convince my dad that I wanted to pursue my studies in a faraway land - my mom always tried to convince me that getting education was useless,and later when I got a job,she did a lot of sabotaging there too.My narccistic husband always put me down for any talent I had and always commented how ugly and worthless I was.It took me several retreats and self help books and Christian uplifting books to know I am valuable but it was a narcisstic friend that I had that finally opened my eyes-when the friendship fell out I started reading on narccisim and it is then I came to know all these trials in my life was nothing but narccistic abuse.When I paint(I do scenery and portraits) I am told I should give up ,its only meant for professional artists.when I sing I am told reminds them of cows in a field.I finally got into a choir and became the lead singer there. I am finally starting to sell my artwork. the amount of jealousy in these people is pathetic.My mom told my husband she cannot imagine how he survives with a person like me.Its all about sabotage.But know this,all these trials made me stronger and resilient and much more motivated in life, I know that if I set my mind on something,I can achieve that ,all you need is the right information and plenty of practice.If I can,so can you,believe in yourself!

bluecaster

1 week ago (edited)

My narcissistic ex wife would always pour water on any dream I had, life was about her, I was just a walk on in her movie.

lyn shlomit

1 week ago

Thanks you. You've helped me lots

Lynn Newton

1 week ago

So met my husband 21 years ago he had a narcissist ex wife who poisoned his two children against me my husband and my two girls. My stepchildren have sadly grownup to be both narcissistic and one also has a diagnosis of BPD. In 21 years I dared to say one statement to each of them and now one has not spoken to me or her father for over 3 years and the other has now sent a barrage of unjustified untruthful messages. I am a mental health worker who is qualified in DBT yet I have still got drawn in for many years feeling guilty for being with their father. We have been watching your videos and I think it is helping him to see how we have both been manipulated and gas lighted by them. We are devising a strategy so if they engage with him again he can put boundaries in place without feeling guilty. Thank you 🙏

Free spirit Earth

20 hours ago

Thank you so much . I think I experience narcissistic abuse and its so hard to ger rid off of them . Feel like Im rejecting people just because that can be really subtle and I have a hard time reading it ( I may be autistic) but now im in so much pain because of it ..

Janet Jorritsma

1 week ago

OMG!!!! Just realised what's been done to me..... thank you... thank you.... thank you...

Tanni Braughton

1 week ago

Such a good talk. I dont think i heard that topic before. I spend 37 years married to a narcissist. The person i have gotten mad at the most was me for being so gullible. I gave up so many dreams and desires plus my heatlh and my morals to be w this man. Life is so much better now. I moved out of state and started over. Im 60 and i feel like im living for the first time. I still have dark moments and days but i am sure i will make it!

DorcyDel

1 week ago (edited)

I was married to a narc for 14 months...the 14 months was so bad, it drove me to a depression bad enough to attempt suicide. We had a daughter (he wanted a family before I continued with my studies. I thought it was reasonable at the time as I was heading to 30. In hindsight, he didn't want me to go to school ever again). In a twisted turn of events, my daughter was the best decision in that relationship. I left because of her. My insomnia was particularly bad one time, i stayed up the whole night staring at her sleep and I pictured her life with the guy she would grow up to call dad. It isn't what I had in contrast. My dad is such a good man. and my ex was such a good actor. This guy would quote the Bible whenever he would visit my parent (like verses in obscure books like Obadiah)LOL! In the morning when my nanny came, I left and checked myself into therapy, I started reading on Narcs, and domestic violence and why on earth I was suddenly stuck in life. I ran into a lot of videos like this one

2016 to 2018 were my lost years. 3 whole years that I cant account for really. Good news is:

-I stumbled on Dr. Ramini and MedCircle...blew my mind as they confirmed what I was getting in therapy

-I bought my first car

-I got a graduate degree scholarship in 2019 ; just finished my first year of course work

-I am off antidepressants

-I went back to working out and dancing

-Covid delayed the divorce proceedings, but my lawyers say I will be divorced soon. Also, she is the sweetest. She looked at the evidence I presented and without even telling her she went like "oh no! this is another narc! Does he have money? Because if he does, we need to prepare you for a very long fight! These characters are just the worst to deal with in court!!" I laughed so loudly and heartily...someone who gets it! This should be finalized within the next 2 months

-and the best part.......my daughter has very healthy male relationships. my dad and brothers just swooped in and took up the role of dad in her life. she is super smart and super healthy....not the 8 month old who was losing weight and traumatized by any loud noise (the dad used to shout all the time and break stuff)when I left her dad

to anyone who can get out, power to you. it gets better, I promise

proactivex

5 days ago

you get too tired dealing with all the blowups. saps your creative energy. saps all your energy.

Tangerine

1 week ago

Video suggestion #2 - just like we had a series on narcissistic traits, can we have a series on healthy relationship traits to look out for. That would really help self doubting individuals who have become too skeptical.

Piyush Sharma

1 week ago

I am 25. I have just realized that 99.99% of the people I have met in my life are narcissistic. Unfortunately, I end up again believing these people.

Such people destroy everything you have including your self esteem.

At the end of the day, I pray to god to show me the right path.

sexxxiflexxxi

5 days ago

Can a Narcissist or someone on the Narcissistic spectrum derail certain dreams while encouraging others?

Like my former partner encouraged me in one goal of my life however, brought me down to the point where I felt like I didn't deserve or no longer wanted to achieve my goals and made excuses to not do them anymore even though I was getting there prior to meeting them.

It did feel like I was slowly clipping my wings based on things he said...I was into fitness and he made fun of my dedication while he was not into fitness, I was trying to get out of debt, but he made comments about my clothing that drove me to shop and incur more debt and then said he never forced me to do any of those things..which is true but the emotional impact he had he totally absolved himself from.

So I wondered if some Narcissists attack your potential in areas of your life where they themselves are deficient?

Skook's Strange World

1 week ago

Every part of me that was me.. before I married him.. he slowly.. insidiously destroyed. No more this.. no more that.. anything that was what he would consider a "selfish hobby" was eradicated. If I liked it.. he didn't. Then years later.. he wants me to be the woman he married... go figure.

AudioMatrix

1 week ago

Thank's a lot! ❤️❤️❤️

Jeff The Wizard

1 week ago

I'm been trying to tell my story on my youtube channel, as well as sharing my experience of working as a doctor in psychiatry.

I found answers in alternative therapy and spirituality that my studies, nor any mentors or professors could give.

One of the most helpful phrases I ever heard was: "You can't use logic to get out of these trauma's".

I feel I made alot of progress in my personal happiness and I can very proudly say the last years I have grown so much creatively and taken so many steps towards my dreams, more than I thought was possible:

I'm making music in all kinds of ways and I even got my music published myself on spotify, itunes, etc..

I am still struggling with getting fully empowered and feeling safe and independant but seeing myself soar like this is amazing.

The magic and miracles that happen makes up for all the painful healing that seems neverending.

Please check me out if u like :)

via this channel. Or look up my music unders: Jeff The Wizard

Or my instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_holy_jeffus/

ty for your videos, very helpful!!

chazmyne gisstennar

6 days ago

OMG (X50)! Stepdad tells me, "I always thought you could never sing, maybe you could be a writer, because you don't have a good singing voice..." Him listening to my mixtape that I did so I could try and be happy and sing like a little bird, "Who is singing their voice is terrible?" this is the same man who used to wipe me & my sisters kisses away when we were forced to come kiss him goodnight, at 5 years old. hmmmmmmmm think my next song just wrote itself. Narcoff!!!!!

Ideal City Living - ICL, GTV

Saturday 18 July 2020

Narcissistic Personality Disorder 4

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