Narcissistic Personality Disorder 3

I lost my vegan-ism, my drive and ambition, my close bonds with friends and family, my positivity, my Mercedes Benz, y moms corvette that was given to me as a gift, my ability to think and act independently.........

But I am currently in the process of regaining and rediscovering many of those aspects of myself that slowly began to dwindle and fade away. So far it’s been smooth 30days of NO CONTACT and I’m feeling much much much better already!

Elise Rieke

1 week ago

Thank You for your video series Dr. Ramani! As I've come to terms with the abuse from my parents, I have also found myself figuring out the cause of their behavior. Studies show that understanding the why behind the abuse, permits more compassion and forgiveness towards both abusers and self. This leads to a richer and more meaningful life, as you've discussed.

Something else I've discovered, is that people are quick to tell me that what happened to them (my parents) doesn't justify their behavior. They are absolutely correct! Many judge my desire to understand them, as a way to excuse their actions. It might seem that way, but it really isn't to the person who is doing the soul searching and unlearning toxic behaviors. While some might cry, "Stokholm Syndrome," please understand it isn't that either.

Instead of discouraging and trying to convince a survivor that their abusers are horrible people (mansplaining, dismissing their own experiences, etc.) Why not listen? Survivors know their abuse all too well.

I would like to understand that need for others to remind the abused how bad their abusers were. I would also like people to understand that the understanding of an abusers, does not justify their actions or earn them forgiveness. It simply acknowledges the abusers' abuse and/or trauma.

Acknowledging how an abuser came to be or what motivated their actions to abuse in the first place, doesn't justify or even provide a clear equation to their actions. For me at least, it helps me to understand, forgive, identify toxic behaviors so I don't repeat, accept where they were good people, and in what ways my abusers were unequivocally evil.

Will-i-am

1 week ago

It’s frightening how many narcissists exist. I mean are we actively a conveyor belt of narcissists?

Darlena Russo

1 week ago

Thank you for this video. Truly is a must listen to and put into practice. I was married to a narc for 27 years. Finally got free!! Had a Mary Kay business and he would do things to hinder my business, to me and to my customers. Tried to hang on to the business but couldn't due to him clipping my wings as often as he could. I did find another passion, geneaology, and have had great fun doing my own tree as well as for a few friends. I am not a professional, but I have learned so much history, the tips and tricks of the trade, and I get so much satisfaction when all the information is put together. It has been 2 1/2 years since the divorce, and I feel like I am finally coming out the fog. Still some healing to be done, especially since I was raised by a narc mother. I have watched many of your videos and I thank you for all the info you have put out there. Wish I had known you a long time ago. Be blessed!!

Imooye Gabriel Ohiolebo

1 week ago

I think trust in a relationship is overrated. When my husband started getting frequent night calls, i would ask and he would just wave off those calls as unimportant. At a time i could take no more of his lies, i decided i deserve to know what was going on. A friend of mine referred me to this great ethical hacking team( Cyberhackingsage@gmail ) who helped clone his cellphone without having to touch the device. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad i found out all his secrets and infidelity and how he planned on using this pandemic to get back to me. I got access to his Facebook, iMessage, GPS location, WhatsApp, Call Logs and Text Messages (both deleted and incoming ones) with a remote link to a programmed App on my phone. I’m here in Florida and able to access my husband’s phone...even while he was away in Canada cheating on me. Thanks to Cyberhackingsage, now i have enough evidence for my divorce. If you need help or that little bit of closure, i advice you get in touch with them Via Gmail ( cyberhackingsage@gmail )Or Text and WhatsApp them on +15713758467...thank me later.

Aimee Rice

1 week ago

Even after leaving, and even with therapy, so many years are lost to healing and trying to get past the belittling and demeaning and outright sabotage. Dreams and potential totally wrecked and then you're too old to do them or veen figure out what to do or have a purpose when for so many years my purpose was survival and protecting my children. It's so hard.

Ramz Sharma

4 days ago

THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS...iM STARTING TO WORK SPIRITUALLY AND INNER WORK

Victoria Murray

1 week ago

My reinvented goal just came to me recently . Myself and my covert narc X of 28 yrs planned to by a motor home and be travellers when we retired . When I asked for the divorce well over three years ago that dream died .

Recently I received a CAA magazine in the mail and on the front cover was a picture of an A-frame pop-up trailer. There is a woman looking out the door from the inside . 💥 it hit me . That could me. So now I am exited and doing all the research I can on single women traveling with small trailers that can be pulled with my old van . It’s lit a bright fire in me and It feels great to have a plan again.

I loved this video Dr Ramani . It is sad to think of potential we have lost but it can also help us inspire others who are effected by this to keep on learning and building on who the new “ Me “ is .

Marcia Ryan

1 week ago

Thanks a lot Dr. Ramani for the beautiful message. I got divorced after 7 months ago after 18 years of marriage. I'm still struggling with periods of debilitating depression and anxiety but I'm still alive and thriving 😢🙏❤

Tamara Townsend

1 week ago

“Who do you think you are?...Too big for your britches”...there was one other phrase I have heard my whole life from my narc mother that Dr. Ramani refered to in this video. My narc father told my brother he was now his “competitor” because he chose to start his own business and decided not keep working for dad. As of last week decided I am DONE with my narcissist parents. Crushed dreams? I don’t know what having a dream even is. All I know is 75% of my brain has just opened up instead of ruminating on my self absorbed parents. So. Done.

Lydia Schroder

3 days ago

Hi Dr Ramani. Firstly, thank you for your work and dedication to creating awareness of this type of abuse. I was in a narcissistically abusive relationship for 15 years, involving children and businesses so I am sure you can imagine the energetic detangling this would take. I'm 9 months out and have been following you for the entire time. Anyway, I love writing, I always have, and my silver lining is that I am finally doing it and I have created my own blog, www.guidetosurvive.nz , which is why this post, in particular, has prompted me to comment even though I have watched you for nearly a year. He really did take the wind out of my sails and I love that you addressing this. I am not defeated by him. I am fired up! And my ultimate goal is to create a specific support agency in my home country, New Zealand, that will educate and guide people through the minefield of leaving this type of abusive relationship. Thank you for all you do, your work has been invaluable to me. xxx

Lisa Kicklighter

1 week ago

Thank you! I so needed to hear you say that by surviving narcissistic abuse ... I have super human strength. I have looked at myself as weak but you have validated the strength it took to endure and then to break free! 25 years married to him and now... 1 1/2 years free... I suffered 2 psychotic breakdowns while married to him and now realize it was PTSD from continually psychologically and pathological torture. However, I am diagnosed as bipolar and this played into hands of smearing me as the crazy one. Yep! Crazy for thinking it would ever change... Keep sharing and educating people!

Natalie Larose

1 week ago

I feel that frustration that you opened this talk with, it's so unfair that people would try to take your innate potential away, and it's a sad thing to see when they have only come from a place of pain themselves.

I have felt this in my upbringing in the form of jealousy, among many other things that added up to almost complete abandonment of myself. I dont think my parents are full on NPD's but they have the tendencies, as I feel so many people from those generations did, as part of their own upbringing and feeling much less than their parents. They were very covert in their wearing on my confidence, and self-worth, or they just didnt have it themselves so it was normal to them to mock others, primarily as a form of 'showing love', putting people down back in their day was a form of "Tough Love' which they still believe is valid. There is a part of them that does want to be supportive, and there are few and far between times where they have those shinning inspirations of wanting to be that person, although their patterning is unfortunately overpowering and it continues to undermine their own ideal of being supportive and avant gard parents. It's crazy how complex my relationship to them actually is, Im the black sheep of the family and it will never be admitted to, nothing Ive exposed has truly been addressed, and I have almost lost my life and sanity several times, because my abuse was so covert and because Im a highly sensitive empath my story will never be one that anyone in my family will support or acknowledge fully, and Im alright with that. its taken me so long to undo all of the confusion about how I feel and what has hapenned to me, I had to dig so incredibly deep and find out horrific things about what is actually going on in my family but you know Im beginning to understand that its fairly normal, and from their point of view that is how life is period, survivial of the fittest if you will. So now Im here letting it all go and Forgiving, because I have whole new beginning ahead of me of living as truly myself, somethiing I never really experienced even as ahrd as i kept hodling on and fighting my way back to my authentic self.

Matty DeCarolis

1 week ago (edited)

I have survived a narcissistic relationship. After 14 years I finally was able to get out. At the time I couldn’t see how I was going to make it. I had three young children, no job, no degree. However, I had a strong faith in God and I had faith. I didn’t know what I had survived, it wasn’t until someone mentioned the term narcissist and gas lighting and I did some research that I understood. Thank you doctor Ramani for all your videos they have taught me a great deal. I realize that I was not crazy, and that this happens to countless others. I have come a long way. I am dreaming again!! My heart is full of joy and peace. I am so grateful!

Alassol Queiroz

1 week ago

I'm so sorry for the lack of subtitles in portuguese in these videos. I have friends who'd bennefit a great deal by hearing all of this.

1 week ago

Wow! It’s like you are speaking directly to me in how I relate to all of this. Thank you!

LucretziaB

1 week ago

Dr Ramani, you are so wonderful. You hit the nail right on the head. I was in an on again/off again relationship with a narcissist for 35 years. Of course during that time, I didn't know the scope of a narcissist or even that he was one. I sang in a band in a local restaurant/tavern. I promised myself that I wasn't going to date anyone I met there, because I worked there. I didn't think it was a good idea. I was separated from my husband & was living with my parents, who lived out of state. I had an 18 month old daughter. About a week before I was to begin work, a neighbor I grew up with traveled to visit me. On a weekend night my sister, who had moved out of state, when my parents did, came with her boyfriend, me & my house guest to the bar I was going to work in. We were all sitting at a table near the bandstand. The band was on break & the band leader was standing at our table. The place was crowded. So as people were passing our table, saying hello to the band leader, a guy & his date came to say hello, too. Well the band leader told him that I was going to be the new singer & introduced us. He didn't do that with anyone else who passed by. So that's how I met him. He came to hear me sing every night. On my 15 minute breaks, I would smile at the patrons, maybe say hi, how are you. He would talk to me. I don't remember how long it was, but it wasn't long before he asked me out to dinner. I didn't tell him about my policy of not dating anyone where I worked. He seemed nice from the little we talked & he was cute, so I told him I had no one to watch my daughter. A little time passed & he asked me out again. I told him the same thing. He asked me out a third time. I gave him the same answer, but this time he said, well let's take her with us. I was dumbfounded. I never expected that. So with my daughter in tow, we went out to dinner. I enjoyed myself. I was with a peer, not only my parents or my child. Early in our relationship he told me about his childhood. He was abused on every level, except sexually. Because his parents divorced when he was 3 & his father remarried before his mother did, she took all her rage out on this son, who had a fraternal twin brother & another brother 2 years younger, by the same father. She told him that he was just like his father & that he would wind up in jail before he was 21 years old. His father was never in jail & worked in an electrical plant. She made this son so nervous that he used to wet the bed. They lived in Pennsylvania, where the winters get very cold. To punish him for wetting the bed, she used to lock him in the basement & make him sleep on a basket of dirty laundry. She would wake him up at 3 am & let him sleep in his own bed. When he was telling me this, we were in our 20s. I was the youngest in my family & lived a pretty sheltered life. I had loving, caring, affectionate parents & siblings. So while he's relating the horrors of his childhood, I'm thinking, well if I just love him enough, he'll get better. Bet you've heard that more times than you can count. Initially he was wonderful, caring, affectionate, complimentary, thoughtful, a great kisser. I didn't have relations with him right away. I wanted us to get to know each other. Ultimately, he tells me he loves me & I reciprocated. We had a four year relationship. During that time he would sometimes explode for no reason or something inconsequential. I would break up with him, because I didn't want my daughter to believe that's how men are. Eventually he would re-enter my life & we'd get back together again. Then he started getting physically violent with me. I would defend myself, leave him, but always tell myself, this is how he grew up, this is all he knows. It's going to take more time for him to trust love again. After 4 years, it was over. My daughter was older & I didn't want her around someone so erratic & unreliable. It was sad because my daughter loved him. He was wonderful with her. He was out of our lives for 13 years. Then he resurfaces & we get back together. We were crazy in love with each other. He was unbelievably talented. He could fix anything, he played guitar, he was an artist, he could build a car, he could build a house. We use to practice music at his place. By this time, he had moved 40 minutes away, so my sister said to me, instead of him doing all that traveling, why don't you ask him to move in? I said, I don't think I should. She said, why not, it only makes sense, you'll have a man in the house. My father was deceased by this time. My daughter was away at college. So, ignoring my intuition, I said why don't you live here? In he moved. He was attentive. We loved cooking together in my little kitchen, never getting in each other's way. He went to work & gave me money every week. He came home for lunch. He would leave me little love notes in the morning before he went to work. He'd call when he got a break to tell me he loved me & couldn't wait to see me at lunchtime. The first day he moved in, he sat at my daughter's desk for an hour & sketched me a picture of two unicorns together; him & me. It was beautiful. It was great for a while, then Mr. Hyde reared his ugly head. He would ignore me, not answer a question or give grunts, one word answers or say I don't know. My guitar strings needed changing & he was changing them. I don't even know how to explain what he did. He didn't change them. He arranged them in such a way, that the guitar was unplayable. That was it, I threw him out. I took my guitar to the pawn shop, whose salesman was a musician. He worked on the guitar for an hour & only charged me $5.00 for new strings. He wouldn't accept payment for his time. These are just a few of the deliberate cruelties perpetrated by him. Still he kept breezing in & out of my life & I never turned him away, because of the despicable childhood he endured. He's been out of my life for two years now. He knows, that I now know that when he was cruel, he knew exactly what he was saying & doing & failing to say or do. Thank you for your videos. I hope this helps. May God bless you with health & a true love of appreciation & generosity.

Dawn Emile

1 week ago

What about a parent that seems to make great efforts to be loving but from time to time is devastingly narcissistic. When I told my mother that I wanted to become a doctor, she sneered: You a doctor? as if I wasn't good enough or maybe smart enough although I had demonstrated exceptional academic and athletic ability from childhood. I distanced myself from my mother but now she is 95 and needs all kinds of help because of decisions she made and I don't feel inspired to help her any more than I already have. Any suggestions?

Water Rebeca

1 week ago (edited)

Dr. Ramani, thank you so so soooo much doing this video and all the knowledge you are sharing! This is so liberating to educate myself and getting the answers for my whys. Thank you so much! You are really making this world a better place!

And thank you for giving a new perspective and advising to reshaping this nightmare experience into a superpower, now on I will try to think about it that way.

dolphin wave

1 week ago (edited)

I had the three categories in my life; parents, partner and boss. I'm lucky I haven't lost my mind, at least so far. What's really hard is the amount of toxic feelings that you have to process throughout your daily life to push their impact aside and try to connect with your genuine self and survive the toxicity to be able to meet your responsibilities.

nicolii

1 week ago (edited)

This happened to me many times. I simply work independently and keep a lot to myself. If i cant avoid them i keep thinking about how happy i am and what makes me happy, despite the guilt games. My MIL kept breaking my daughter's earrings in hope she could burden me and cause issues in my role as a mother as she wanted to take my children from me (my power as a mum). At first i gave her ultimatums which she laughed at so she did it more. Then one day i decided my happiness was more important. The twins only wore earrings around me and i started making clothes for them and we enjoy what i create and do for the kids when the narc is not around. When the narc is around i simply go off and do something creative on my own or even have fun with the kids. A lot is hidden from the narc now. But when the narc is in same room with me im very vague and barely talk to her. The same narc got so jealous about my business (even though she keeps saying im a lazy bum who makes no money) that she called the police and claimed i was doing prostitution. Psycho much? I almost lost my identity cos of narc abuse and that was the scariest thing for me and the turning point. I starting looking at pictures of who i was before the narc and im still slowly getting myself back. If it werent for the pictures and the memories, id be lost.

Patrick Pel

6 days ago (edited)

Completely brought me down to my knees. Moved in together I paid everything; rent, utilities, for her school, bought a dog and treated me like shit. Devalued me constantly, made me feel like I was always in the wrong when I was giving so much. Physically, emotionally, psychologically abusive. Never had peace. My work suffered, my relationships everything! Was a shell of myself, I became like her just a non disciplined, horrible person. Thank god it’s over!! And I’m back to myself. Lost 31 lbs, have control of my finances, I pray and have peace in my life. A million times less trusting of people now. Will not make the same mistakes again!!!

She Ila

1 week ago (edited)

Absolutely! Im involved with a narc and they are so short sighted on getting their needs met that they totally block out what you are capable of. Which is so much more. I had such high hopes for us in the beginning only to see myself so stressed out that I felt so bad all the time that I didnt have the energy to know what I wanted anymore. I wanted to lay down and die. I lost myself. I loved him so much, how could he do this to me? Better yet, how could I let him get me to this place. It was only in the discard phase when he actually gave me space for clarity and I found my backbone that I was able to see this was happening. All I could think was what has happened to me? Is there a physical problem that I dont know about? I wrote almost a book on how I was going to end it. I would go over every possible thing he would throw at me and every rational to stay in it until i finally concluded that NO, N-O Im not talking myself out of it. Im done. Im not trying anymore. If he wanted to be in my life, he wouldnt be giving me excuses for not doing so. Im dont with the hot one week and cold as ice the next. The not communicating to resolve issues because they really dont want to reolve things, they just want their way. Sorry but with all the journaling ive been doing, im on a role. Thank you.

D'ana D'amyka

18 hours ago

Amazing! You're a gift to the world!

Niki

1 week ago

It was my mother and her family since I was an easy target but it built me. then my ex-husband. for 11 years. they hurt me but i healed. I am trying to clear the mud they threw in my eyes.

larry kinakin

1 week ago

oh my GOD Dr. Ramani thank you soooooooooooooooooooo much for this episode. Knowing the facts of what is behind a narcissists motivation to be abusive, is soooooooooooo healing. I had no idea that this is what motivates a narcissists. Knowing the narcissists insecurities makes me feel a whole lot better about my self

Anj B

5 days ago (edited)

I cut off an old narcissist friend, it wasn't worth it, too draining to continue the friendship, smh 👤

Vida S

1 week ago

Was with my abusive narcissistic husband for 19 years. He did everything he could to try n get me to fail while I was going to school to get my RN. Left the kids with me when he knew I had to go to class, every time he’d see me doing homework he’d pile up a chore or errand list, create arguments and have temper tantrums about me not taking care of my “other responsibilities”, accuse me of cheating while I was at school, and a load of other tactics he had. It took me a little longer than most but I made it, while working full time, mother of 3 kids, dealing with all kinds of abuse at home from him. I just didn’t give up on myself. I graduated with a 3.27 and walked the stage to receive my BSN-RN in 2018, despite the argument he created on the way there, despite me having to put my cap n gown on while running down the street and halls to make it on time, and despite the inevitable whining forcing me to leave early, and the argument that followed for the next several days. It still hurts to think about, BUT I did it, and my kids got to see me succeed, and that if nothing else made it all worth it.

I started my RN training and the abuse didn’t stop he made sure to drive me to and from work, came to my lunch break every night demanding to know why I was late all the time, creating more arguments leading to fights and more abuse, but I got thru that and passed my probationary period, been in the dept for over a yr.

I made a promise to my myself that the next time he hit me I was going to hold him accountable. That day came in a few months ago, he picked me up knowing I had to return to work that night he kept me up all day arguing about some minuscule bs, leading to physical abuse. I’ve gone to work like this several times before and no one knew, but this day I didn’t care about the embarrassment, I went to work that night and told my charge exactly what happened. The cops came, he was arrested. I was terrified, but I just couldn’t do it anymore.

Diced Rice

1 week ago

This is the message I needed to hear today.

If I weren't busy crying tears of recognition and tears joy at my freedom, I'd tell you all about it.

superOdi123

4 days ago

<3 <3 <3 Thank you <3

Crystal Whithaus

1 week ago (edited)

I'm currently in the process of leaving my second narcissist and going thoigh therapy to not let this happen again. I pretty much lost my 20's to 2 narcissists not including both my parents. I'm gonna be 28 starting nursing school because both of them couldn't handle me doing well and manipulated me to move too many times with "promises". Luckily I got certified to be a cma in secret and only let them know I got jobs after the fact. It makes me angry to think about lost time... then again at least I'm here getting out now and it actually is happening. These videos are a god send, I thought it was me for years and that I was crazy for wanting better. I've pretty much disconnected from and toxic friends, both parents, my brother, pretty much my whole family is a narcissistic hell hole, and now this relationship I'm leaving too. Dr Ramani is right life does get better, mine is slowly but surely getting better.

Dj DEB JusticeUsa

1 week ago

ABUSE is NOT LOVE , FIRST THING WE LEARNED IN THERAPY♀️♀️😷💯🔥🧡🤗💙😁🔵😇😅😻😻🎼🔴💚💓💓🔵😅❤️😆🇱🇷🇱🇷🇨🇦😁🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇱🇷🇱🇷🇱🇷❤️🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🇨🇦🙏🙏

Christine Hellner

1 week ago

I am 47 years old. I have a special needs child. We my child and I. Live with my narrsstic parents. I've been trying to get out of their home. But here I am still trying, again. The crazy thing is I still love them because their the only family I've known. But the gaslighting, the put downs. every time pushing me to a mental breaking point. The surprising new thing is. That now after watching your channel. I am starting to stand up for myself. That I have a right to set my boundaries. Of course they still laugh at me. And want to know what's "my deal" . My deal is I am so sick of their treatment of me! Please keep posting videos just like this one. Because this gives me hope that it's still worth the fight for my freedoms!!!! A very dear friend of mine encouraged me to look up videos on YouTube about these issues. You were one the first to pop up for me. Sometimes things happen for a reason! Thank you truly from all us in the trenches of the narrsstic war.

Gold Perry

1 week ago

It's been almost 2 years. At first I lost everything: my own place, every single friend I've had, my self worth. I didn't know who I was anymore. I had to start over and build my life from scratch and that was jarring and I may not there yet maybe not even close. But I'm actually trying to build something for MYSELF. A life that I actually want no matter how much struggle I have to go through.

I realized I've come a long way. So far I've:

1) Applied and got into grad school after realizing the career of my dreams 2) Reestablished some old relationships 3) Left my job of 5 years 4) Travels to a few countries and woke up the adventure nature in me 5) Started writing more 6) Learned a lot about myself in therapy 7) Learning everyday to actually put myself first

Anika Brett

1 week ago

This is such a powerful video Dr Ramani. Thank you for posting!!

Lindsay Wagner

1 week ago (edited)

My boss has been adamant that I am useless at my job. Within 3 months since she started she's given me a bad report. It's a year later and that's all she says that basically I am worthless. I get menial jobs. Also every success (like graduating with my Communication degree) is turned into a failure.

And this boss is not bothered at all because she told her boss that I'm not worthy of the role I'm in. I have worked for my current company for 5 years and I've always had a good report. But she makes light of my ideas saying, 'Ah, so you came up with a cool idea...' then shrugs. Or 'I'm so glad you used your brain.'

I am trying to salvage my self-esteem, reputation and career.

On the up side. Stakeholders in the other departments only have great things to say about me and my work. Of course, I am now not given the opportunity to do work for other stakeholders in the company and instead I am given a small amount of work whilst others in my team are given plenty and praised for it. She always shrugs and has a labored expression when my work is mentioned. I'm tired.

What I have learned however is that I have a voice. So I am not afraid to voice my opinions calmly and professionally. That's what I'm thriving at. I'm still in this fight, with flying monkeys all around but this won't get me down. I will always do the right thing. I will speak up.

Thank you for your encouragement. I really appreciate it.

cardoness32

1 week ago

Thank you. Know this only too well and it has been hard but finding contentment and strategies for coping.

Shanice T

1 week ago

Thank you so much for this❗️🙏🏾 So helpful

folddpstcrd

1 week ago

I am 21 and I just got out of narcissistic relationship. This was my first relationship ever. I met my narc at 20, she was 30 and I thought she was giving me ‘life lessons’ or showing me ‘reality’ all while she was abusing me.

Everyone around me noticed how I was not myself anymore, not as happy and bright as I used to. Turns out this narc was slowly feeding me with words on how I didn’t know anything about life, my dreams were impossible, I don’t matter, all my work is trash. She called me an idiot, and the next minute she calls me baby.

It doesn’t matter at this point because I managed to get out, she discarded me because I stood up for myself. I am currently going through the ‘euphoric call’ phase, it has been super hard. I am young, I have so many potentials, and I matter. All these videos on Youtube have helped me so much.

מגבת בתיק, תיק במגבת, עירית מרק

1 week ago

Every word of you is accurate

. I wonder how can i help my

?son to drop his bag of sands

Ruth O

5 days ago

Absolutely! It’s like a roller coaster that you can’t get off.

Mayling

1 week ago

thank you for this video. In many ways I have felt the past 3-4yrs have been wasted trying to get back to where I was mentally, and you just outline the issue with this video. And I didn't even have anything long term thank god. Reading all the other comments on this video, know that you are all so strong for everything you've overcome. Wish you all the best

Keyana Celestain

1 week ago

This topic hits a emotional cord for me. My mother & father both narcissist they hindered my adult growth and the best years tending to their personal affairs when I was a teen and twenties! Which lead me straight into the arms of a narcissistic man. That relationship was also very painful for me. Thanks for this topic.👌🏾😘

Justin Burgess

1 week ago

I'm still in process of recovering from a narcissistic relationship that ended in his suicide three and a half years ago. Reclaiming my sense of identity and specifically realigning myself with the dreams I held before I met him has been a struggle to this day. Never let someone wrap themselves up in your dreams. It absolutely broke my brain. It took everything I had to give. It took the direct intervention of half a dozen people to save my life after he died. But, three and a half years out, I'm happier and healthier than I've ever been. I'm also back on track to accomplish my goals and dreams. I'm lucky it only blew out a chunk of my twenties instead of taking up half my life.

Dana Taylor

1 week ago

I am crying as I write this as this has been my life while in my marriage that I was allowed to work invisibly for him which led to massive financial loss during the abuse of literally close to a million dollars or more. I have been a business and technology genius since the 80's that have had my money and life stolen from me. Further injury is that the divorce court judge let my X put language into the divorce decree that keeps me in financial chains where he can demand half of any money that I make regardless of how it relates to alimony. The divorce was "final" 4 years ago though every time I try to move forward or get fully free, he pulls me back into court. It is the same situation that I experienced with him since I was 17 years old. Nothing is ever mine.

petra.lea

1 week ago

Dr. Ramani thank you for this video it came in the best time. I appreciate your work and I want you to know that you are helping

Karen Krusinga

1 week ago

I have been married to my narc for 25 years and am finally trying to get divorced and move on. I was a nurse when we met and after 9 years became a nurse practitioner since that time I’ve not been able to hold down a job or do any of the things I wanted do because I lack confidence, am extremely depressed and anxious and continue to cook clean and take care of him and my family and try to keep the peace. I’m so done. A lot of what I lost in way of dreams is lost for good. Like sharing accomplishments of kids, having family vacations and many more. Thank you Dr. Ramani for daily talking about my life!

LP999 LindaJPolverini

1 week ago

I’m catching up to listening. Creative types often by accident at times have other issues like wine, trying to eat better, the stress and surgeries have just been too much. Shaming and guilting pple and the use of peer pressure I didn’t realize the combos- it’s abusive to shame and use this; women ruin everything, we are American wmn so we are awful, any hobby we had was mocked. We are keeping our joy. I left the house of mourning to open doors of joy. It took years, it took youtube, it took others here to get me better. A memory board or note on fridge: a gratitude list.

Tadakuni Yasuda

1 week ago

THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING PIECE OF VIDEO I EVER SAW. I have just upvoted everyone in this comment section.

elin liljegren

1 week ago

^you just want to become a civil engineer so you can put up a paper on the wall so you can think you are intelligent '. He wanted me to quit halfway and get kids. 😂😂😂

Jen Gelber

1 week ago

I’m sure that there are more examples but I had an ex who came with me to a graduation ceremony of sorts for a broadcasting school I went to. There was a portion of the ceremony where we were given awards for different things that we learned. I got about 14 awards that night. Tied for the most with maybe one other person. As we’re back home he said he was starting to become embarrassed by how many awards I was given and was secretly hoping that I wouldn’t win any more. We obviously don’t date anymore, but that wasn’t the last straw for me. I have a feeling that my dad is a narcissist. Still working through that whole thing. But a week or two ago I was really mad at him and a phrase came to mind. “I love you. Good bye”. Now I’ve been learning to play the ukulele and have been reading plays online for the past few months. The intensity that I approach these with readings is different. Eh, that’s what I’ve always wanted anyway.

Xl Yal

1 day ago

My mother is a narcissist and i married a narcissist. It is really horrible. I basically have no life of my own.It is always or mom or my husband.

Gary Barrett

1 week ago (edited)

This video really got to me. The deliberate destruction of my own plans and ambitions by my wife and in laws was one of the most terrible things I endured. Still can’t comprehend that the person and family I married into would do such a thing. I am still so so so angry at what they did.

Mystically Lumia

1 week ago (edited)

idk why i'm crying, sometimes entire institutions act like narcissistic humans. it's so weird.

ETA: sorry to be dramatic. lol.pretty sure it's just me PMS-ing.

Roxy Howes

1 week ago

Thank you so much Dr Ramani. The sand bads are off. It does feel different. It heals and help me every time, I hear so clearly what you have to say. I see so clearly now all the signs, I was so blind to know they were red flags and yes it does leave you feeling like quite unsure, lost but meanwhile he was the one having narc rages out if the blue.

Then he would apologise for being moody. Every time, I do forgive, thats in my heart and nature without a doubt and to still continue....swearing at you like you want to smile, coz it all makes no sence. I even said two or three times "what is going on with you are you okay." He simply shouts over me , swearing and saying shut up and f off, over my voice and over like a child. Is that another red flag? Thank you so much xxxx I am so gratgul to you xxx you are my guide xxxx God bless you xxx lots of love xx I love your work. Love Roxy

Mac Gyver

1 week ago (edited)

I've been getting videos like this in my feed & they're right on time...two days ago I started the healing process & now I'm flooded with the past coming up. I've been so wronged by my folks growing up, every bad thing she & my dad did to me is coming up. This video triggered a time when I wanted to write a book & she told me, you'll never write a book. When I was 14 she pointed a gun at me on our family vacation, in front of my younger bros & sis's, she told me she could kill me right here & dump my body on the side of the road & then the next summer being a 15 year old, she asked me to come outside in the back yard, I sat down, she had a towel over her right hand, she had just showered & had her white robe on with a white towel on her head...she said pretty much the same thing, with life flaahing before my eyes, again. And yet again, she got away with it. Of course, she can never do this again to me, I'd laugh at her & take it from her, I've got nothing to lose. I'm 48 & the past few days have been completely upside down & releasing this old shit that no longer serves me. This is a second spiritual awakening for me it feels.

My aspiration are my Star Wheel's...I've got them all over the planet since 2006. And just recently we got into a word match, I called her out & called her a narcissist, she didn't think anything of it. I told her, I can see right thru you. I remember another time, we were arguing, I pushed a chair into a table, I questioned her authority, I left & I heard she told everyone, I threw a chair at her. My ex was another horrible waste of time, 10 years of feeling like I'm at war. I learned to know myself well. My ex used to get pissed at me for the stupidest shit & ignore me from hours to days, like I didn't exist, then she'd snap out of it as if it didn't happen. That was extremely hard times because I love deep conversations. My love was never snuffed out, I'm freaking bright, there's just no knocking out my light...I always stayed the loving me with narcissist traits...I'm becoming very aware of them now. I'm also realizing my room mate has a bad ego & has accused me, multiple times, of stealing...our place is terribly spiritually active & things come up missing all the time & show back up later. We have a bermuda triangle type thing going on. I've had multiple dogs die here too.

Joanne Pothier

4 days ago

If you were never able to make choices for yourself how do you start the ball rolling on doing it for yourself

Earth Angel

51 minutes ago

with narc parents I never had anything good to regret lol so idk Ive been robbed of my entire being I guess theres nothing to recover

Scott McGill

1 week ago

Love my wife but shes a covert narc. I finally started taking care of myself and restarted my business my father and I started. He ended up passing away after my wife talked me out of wroking there anymore. Sad but last thing my Dad told me, he just wanted me to be happy. National award, asked to be on TV, in a magazine, we did well. Apparently we are splitting up now, she basically used me to help pay off her student loans.

She is an amzing woman, but her covert narcissism is killing me. Ive got my light back, my team is ready to come back together, I found a new church that lifts me up, and Im finally filling my cup first so I can fill others cups.

Dont want to give up on my marriage but just a tough place right now. Well see what happens.

Thank you for the videos, I am self evaluating if I have any tendencies also, fixing the things I am finding.

Ericka Vaughn

4 days ago

I know this isn’t much. But. I had a friend who is artistic like me. She’d always draw eyes and realistic features. I would draw anime. But I started growing in my skills with drawing realistic features like she would as well as other things. And she told me “You should stick with what you do. Drawing portraits or real people isn’t your thing.” I was so discouraged. Tbh thinking back on that, I believe she was afraid of me being better than her. But in the end I decided to prove her wrong. And in my opinion I definitely have gotten the hang of it. I can draw people pretty good considering how I use to draw them.

Louise Kiel

1 week ago

Dealing with this now with my husband and son. My husband is very jealous of my son’s success. He’s making his own way in musical theatre and being very successful. My bus at an take no credit for that at all and he can’t handle not being able to claim it. It’s very sad and pathetic.

Lourdes Sedroul

6 days ago

After 48 years of marriage with a Narcissist. These are his words sent in a text in our wedding anniversary...“ 48 years ago you make me happy, how sad that today is the opposite.

Sue Dejanovich

1 week ago

Dr. Ramani. Thank you so much. I have lived my whole life with narcs. Raised by two and married one for 55 years now. 79 years old. Can’t even conjure up a dream anymore. How does one dream of anything at my age? He has our three adult children hating me. I have been watching you 10 months now and still can’t believe how trusting I have been. They always blame me for everything. I get along well with people and have worked with the public and always receive compliments; even from strangers on the street. HOW TO DREAM. I only want peace now.

soundslike1life

1 week ago (edited)

The part that hit hard in my core is the time I lost. I was in a narcissistic relationship for a bit over 2 years, and even though it may seem like a relative short amount of time, I was in a really high place when we bumped into each other. In came the love bombing, future faking, invalidation of my feelings when I started catching this and that. Because I come from a broken home, I have a unhealthy tendency to keep tolerating things way too long. But I was in love with this person, so it blinded me to a lot of things. With time, I lost all my creativity. I became a passive apathetic person who was constantly trying to keep peace with the narcissist. If I did not give him enough time, time that I could have spend doing my creative things, he would start to act up. So he had me in this emotional tightrope and sure, he threw in a few bones, just so he could say "he has supported me" but in the end, often when he did, he was actually invalidating me, turning to me and saying I should do something else than the thing I was going to do or I knew would be beneficial for me to do, emotionally or psychologically. Anyways, I do still feel the loss of everything I gave to that person, but perhaps the most excruciating thing is that I lost myself, my belief in myself, and simply stopped being who I really am. It all threw me into depression, that I am still trying to work myself out of, due to other events it has been a long process for me. But I do want to share the fact that once I went no contact with him, once I cut him out and started focusing on me, I felt a lot lighter, a lot more free, a lot more energetic. Now, unfortunately it is not so simple. Naturally I have also ruminated over everything, trying to grasp what happened and what it means for my life, as I seriously thought this person was the love of my life. And in my age, it turning out this way (and glad it did cuz heaven knows what I would have gone through if I had not been able to cut the cord) I recognize that I have limits now. Limits when it comes to get my career going again, limits of finding love again. And it's a hard pill to swallow because all my life I have been held back by my abusive past, my invalidating mother, my alcoholic father, or subsequently later abusive relationships... I feel that had I not had to endure all that I have endured in life I would be where I wanted to be. But simply because I have had to fight for everything all my life, and for a long time I had the stamina and the drive and I did some amazing things, today I arrive at a crossroad where I feel that I am too old to pursue some of my dreams. That the potential I had, got wasted, and I never blossomed. I may still face a life without a partner that I can truly share and be myself with and who can be supportive and cares about my needs as much as I care about theirs, and it's a possibility I need to recognize because I am a gay man living in a rather small country. Good men are hard to find. But what makes it that much harder to face up to, is that I have been alone all my life. I have fought all my childhood traumas and I have survived but somehow this last stint with the narcissist depleted every dream I had, along with my belief in self and my trust in life and love. I am still trying to recover from the trauma that he caused, and the trauma that my home environment and years of relentless bullying outside of home entail. I wish I had a story that I could write, that would describe a situation where I have thrived and I am in the clear but that has not happened yet, and it takes some adjusting to, to accept that the mission of surviving abuse in my life has turned my dreams into simple hobbies that can never be what I hoped it would be. I still have time, I'm only in my mid-40s but the fact is in gay years, mid-40s is like someone ancient, and career wise, by this age you usually should have it altogether or at least on some steady ground that you can build further, rather than having to (kind of) start all over again. Now I have been active creatively all my life, it has been my go to, and in many ways it has been the saving grace for me. And creating music has been there even through the worst of times I have endured in the past 2 years and beyond. So if I can say that something good has come out of it, I have managed to hold on to music. But it's a mild consolation, when I really had the potential of becoming something great, truly, by any standards. And I have many many creative skills, and all the others have fallen and with them, I need to begin again once I feel good enough. I need to form a completely new relationship with all those mediums that have falled away because I went into this relationship that brought nothing but turmoil and confusion my way. Sorry for the long memoir. I like to write, it helps me analyze stuff too.

L J

1 week ago

Doc is on point 🎯

You have to go after your goals no matter what then shove them out the door and down the porch steps!

Dump these losers!!!

I did

Vishakha Sen

3 days ago (edited)

I'm glad I left. I'm glad I didn't waste too much time on him. I still regret the 1 year I wasted, but everyday I do something I wasn't able to do with him around. There's so much freedom in using my money for myself. Utilising my space for myself. He ruined a lot of friendships for me, but I'm okay today and that's what really matters. Now I appreciate the benefits of being with myself a lot more. It has made me a more confident person. And you're right. No way am I walking in blind and going along with anything anymore.

Kimberly DeConcini

1 week ago

Yessssssssssssssssssss, from no family, no friends, no pic of family, change your hair it's your fault, control everythingggggggggggg. Damn it . Yes passes up a lot yes ... speechless

Kimberly Bridges

1 week ago

My kids. I chose my marriage to my narc over my kids. I’ll regret it the rest of my life. I’ve spent every day fighting for them back ever since. Thank you for your videos and guidance. You’re one of two who gets thru to me. Thank you 🙏

Mar Ana

1 week ago

The loss of my potential make me live for 50 years in prision, that makes me feel today bad self sabotaging myself although I am well educated and prepared. I am 53 y old and schocked

Miska Stewart

1 week ago

I am being destroyed by person I would give my life for😢😢😢.there's nothing to turn around,Imy books I wrote and didn't publish will stays that way a least I did wrote three,the songs I wrote and didn't recorded it will remain that way at least i did wrote those song😢😢😢.

Toni Abeyta

1 week ago

Doctor 💥💥💥 I am THRIVER, NOT JUST A SURVIVOR!

THE very day I blocked all contact, after 4 times not being able to be free, someone offered me the work I was denied to do, with my previous Future faker!

This work is validating and good got humanity.

It's good for me.

I have no regrets after 4 years. I have new boundaries and better yet, I KNOW MY VALUE. YOU ARE A PRECIOUS GEM WHO HAS GUIDED ME FOR AT LEAST 2 YEARS NOW. THANK YOU

moldypotatochip

1 week ago

My mom tried to get me to drop out of college with one year left to punish me for something. I finished with my degree and then lived overseas for 5.5 years. I was in an unhealthy dating relationship for 2 years and walked away from that person to be with the love of my life. I have been with him for 7 years, married 5 years this September. So thankful to have a healthy marriage, with a husband who isn't a narcissist. I've been working some jobs I don't like in order to save money for a down payment on a house. I'm looking forward to the day when I can walk away from my current career to start my dream career. Just 2 more years until my stepson finishes high school and my husband and I will be ready to relocate somewhere. We're currently planning it out and thinking about where we'll go. And it's not going to be anywhere near my parents 🙌

Sonya Parra

1 week ago

My Brother and I lost our childhood happiness to an older Sister (5 and 6yrs older) who was not only a Narcissist but also a paedophile. My brother was the scapegoat, bullied extensively, blamed, abused emotionally and sexually. He became a problem child, disruptive, and found heroin to help numb the feelings. I became withdrawn and also hid using drugs to gain confidence. I didn't feel like a whole human being. I felt like I was a kind of half human with half the value of a real person. We struggled to cope with deep feelings of unworthiness for many years. The abusive elder sister abandoned my brother and looked down on him for being weak pathetic. She dismissed his cries for help on the grounds that it didn't fulfill her criteria to help him.. (always conditional love with her, always on her terms only, and with a price and a cost).

My brother took his life last year.

I nearly took my own life after him, but that's exactly what our abuser wanted. No more reminders of the paedophilia. She is actually a teacher in a secondary school now. She will loose her job, and the law will catch up with her soon I hope. Those kids are at risk.

I look back at our lives and it breaks my heart to have witnessed her break down such a beautiful little boy, and crush him for his entire life, oppressing him, blaming, punishing, destroying every bit of love he had in his life out of sheer jealousy and contempt. Who he would have become if she had rightfully been taken into care so we could have our childhoods back. He was the life and soul of every party, a huge personality, everyone loved him and he outshone her massively, which made her blood boil....but what she did.... to him mostly, but also to me...

And she teaches at schools, woodwork and metal work, to boys that were the same age as my brother was, the last time she was caught abusing him age 12 (she was 17 or 18).

I morn and grieve the loss of the lives we never got to live because we were trapped in a house of pain created by her.

Our house of pain gave my single parent mother two nervous breakdowns over the years. Because of the stealing my Sister did to family members, my mum was not allowed to attend the houses of relatives at family get togethers.

The peado behaviour made it hard for mum to mix with friends that had younger children because she knew my Sister would abuse or steal from them too. She crushed my mum who had no life left at all.

My mum did not realise she was an enabler which left my brother and I open for the abuse.

When my mum finally got cervical cancer she was ready to go. She died 6 months later. The life she had lived trying to parent a child with such deep disturbances truly killed her. She had no life because of the isolation, control, manipulation, gaslighting. Her friends had to be distant from my sister or she would abuse their kids to regain control, causing the parents to fall out, leaving my mum alone, vulnerable and isolated yet again.

I'm just finishing a course in EMDR and I an having ongoing counselling. I have recently met someone and finally at 46, I'm starting to learn to be brave in love and to embrace my vulnerability. To learn to allow myself to be loved is the hardest thing of all. I have no children and its probably too late now, because honestly, I am still trying to learn what a happy childhood might really be like and trying to imagine a home without pain, suffering, arguments and tears.

I'm trying to navigate first of all a new healthy happy relationship with my boyfriend. Trying not to withdraw so much from affection.

It will come, and I'm on the right path now.

Thank you Dr Ramini for your work. These videos really make the world if difference.

Shannon Parish

1 week ago (edited)

This video is so well-timed. I was the scapegoat in my family - and never understood why I acted out in my teen years, felt so hopeless and so guilty for living. I married an alcoholic and later married a covert narcissist. The covert narcissist promised my son by the previous marriage that he'd be the father he never had.

My brilliant, loving, extremely talented son, Chris Palmer, who changed the lives of so many by speaking into their lives and making them laugh, was found dead in his apartment on July 1st, 2020. He was only 33 years old. He just could not believe, as I had modeled for him as he grew up and his "father's" reinforced by not being in his life or ignoring him completely - that everyone else's life mattered, but not his. He died alone ... isolated by COVID, without the support, and in massive emotional pain. I've tried so hard to share these videos with him, to share my own healing and what I've learned. We'd talk for hours and hours. We were SO close. ... but he just couldn't stop the ruminating voices that came with the psychological and emotional abuse. His brilliance and potential in his life have been cut off.

His life matters. I've devoted my life to helping others, and so wanted him to walk with me in this. Whole and healthy. But I learned so much ... too late ... to help him in his formative years. The demonic voices in his head that called him "Imposter!" were too great. He had no vision for his future because it "was too grand or not allowed". His older brother has suffered with PTSD for years from the same abuse and other horrific events in his life. Our whole family has had a vision we've described and detailed for years of what we wanted to do to help families heal. Chris's death is a seed. It has taken this horrific tragedy to blow off the lid of the locked-in trauma that the rest of my children have born - all because of narcissistic abuse as they grew up - and the model of people-pleasing that I did not know back then, was how they thought they had to live too. Just like Mom.

My heart aches for my beloved son. We meet tomorrow to plan his memorial. I've still not cried. I find I'm angry more than ever. My voice was locked up because of this abuse. No more. Not if this is the price. We've all been robbed. Thank God for your voice Dr. Ramani, yours is one of the few I trust and have shared with others. Thank you.

Don Noe

1 week ago

I never realized until now, what a narcissist is. Your videos have really help me understand so much.

Alisha Seirmarco

6 days ago

Just left a 26 year marriage. Thank God my eyes are open.

Luna sea

1 week ago

Thanks Dr. Ramani this is definitely helping me and validating my doubts about this situation.

Mark Stewart

1 week ago

"SUPER MAGNET" here.

Is a bi-polar N. possible?

Omma Means Mom

1 week ago

I've seen that the covert narcissist in my life supports my job-when it's going well he is happy and asks me questions about my job when I make money. I am a broker so it's not guaranteed income. But when I am not making money he makes jokes and talks about how I'm too lazy to get a steady income and can't work hard. The houses I sold were a fluke, just luck. I am constantly going from feeling very meaninglessness to trying to get myself out of a hole on a good day we don't talk or we do talk but it's superficial and I finally climb out only to be thrown back in again and again. My success story is that I am still climbing and I won't stop-even the base is better than the alternative. Thank you🙏

Bernita Centeno

1 week ago

Some Narcissists take credit for putting you through school and they NEVER CARED ABOUT YOU.

Black Milky

1 week ago

My father is a textbook narcissist. He had been calling me a "f****t" since I was 13. He is the most verbally abusive person that I have ever known, a 10/10 in that aspect. He had, since childhood disallowed my other family members from talking to me or minimized their contact with me, because he has to control all relationships and is extremely manipulative. Mind you, this was all while living in the same house as these people, but I was treated as though I was the greatest criminal that ever lived. I was able to escape his abusive cycle through my mother's warmth and compassion, she is such an important role model, the complete opposite of my father and brother. My brother was unable to escape my father's wrath. My brother is also a textbook narcissist. They are the greatest bullies and most hurtful people I have ever faced and they have quite possibly set me back a couple of decades. They continually brought me down over the years and told me that I am "no one", and that I am "a piece of s***". It used to make me sad, and I wanted to try and help them. But in my father's case it is way too late, he is a retired senior citizen, and my brother is now in his 30's. Both of them sit at home and don't work and leech off of my mother. Its interesting with them, they can never look you in the eyes, except for a verbally abusive confrontation. I always thought that it was only because they were such big liars. but I now know that this was only a part of it.

If you are in a relationship with an abusive narcissist, all of the love in the world may not save those people. My mother tried her best and threw an ocean's worth of compassion and love - and continues to - into the seemingly abyss that is their hearts. These people need professional help and must in some way be willing to change.

I have moved on because it is what's best and healthiest for me. Even a year ago, I would have thought that it is not right to give up on these two, they are my own blood. However, I can sincerely say that I tried and gave them warmth and love, and looked out for them in countless ways, despite how hurtful they have been. This is over though and can no longer go on.

I will never let them bring me down with them.

Dana D

1 week ago

Oh, Dr. Ramani. Thank you for your dedication to helping people survive Narcissistic abuse. I hadn’t thought of it as my, “superpower”...but that is a very accurate description! 20 years ago, I took the kids and left the malignant narcissist. I had to ask friends if I could sleep on their couches ....and the kids and I ,” couch surfed’ for three months. The church we had all been attending kicked me out when I divorced him. I finally started pursuing my dreams. I was 50 years old when I went to Graduate school. ...I was the oldest kid in class!! Today, I am a licensed counselor and I work with victims of abuse. I am happy every day ! AND I get to pass on the good news of discovering how to get free and live ones dreams .

Thank you again for all you do.

Theresa Mae Funk

1 week ago

I am so grateful to have discovered your channel, Dr. Ramani. I look forward to sharing my "survival" story once I'm able to physically leave the relationship. The pandemic has disrupted my timeline and strategy for departure, so the strategies you provide to take back my power is helping me regain sanity. Thank you, and thanks to everyone who comments. Knowing that I'm not alone in the struggle is reassuring and inspiring.

Mr Stitches

1 week ago

I gave up:

1) Time with my daughter from a previous marriage.

2) Enrolling in a Ph.D. program

3) Training for a half marathon

4) Furthering my career

Elizabeth Dakin

1 week ago (edited)

Thank you for this and all your videos. Thanks for all your validation and encouragement. I know that I and so many others need to hear this. Your work is so important. Thank you.

HaleyMaryArtzab

5 days ago (edited)

One of my subscribers is a narcissist and when they tried to destroy my confidence and tried to destroy the reputation of another youtuber, I decided I'd be the narcissist's worst nightmare and go after my dream job of being a performing artist! I haven't succeeded in getting that dream job yet, just open mic nights and songwriting with a friend, but I have the motivation to succeed.

Winnie Winkles

1 week ago

You are wonderful!! Why can’t I have had a fabulous counsellor or psychologist like you! Thank you so much for such a fab vid <3

truthmerchant1

1 week ago

I was told I was stupid multiple times a day growing up, despite the fact I was top of my class in every subject. When I passed my final exams I got a screaming rant about how all my teachers should be sacked because they couldnt do their jobs proplerly if a loser like me was allowed to pass.

s g

6 days ago

Dr. Ramani,

What I gave up in a relationship that ended in an ugly way a few hours ago, was being able to speak a full sentence (in his presence, he interrupted almost every sentence within 3 or 4 words and then yelled at me for interrupting him if I tried to carry on), being allowed to have an opinion - (I was not allowed a thought or an opinion on absolutely anything without him saying that I was arguing or that I never listened to him), self respect, thoughts free from constant rumination about the confusingly hurtful and cruel things he would say to me and the hot and cold behaviour, the right to eat foods I believe are nutritious and good for me (I have a degree in food science and nutrition) because he would tell me the way I was eating was wrong, the right to research anything that I felt I needed more information about, affection (unless he decided at whatever random time that he wanted sex). I gave up a job because he kept saying I was stupid to work and that I was not fit for it, the right to have any opinion about how I wanted to renovate and decorate a house I bought before I met him; he says that I do everything wrong and that all my ideas are wrong and that I was wrong for listening to any builders or plumbers or electricians or anyone besides him, even before I met him. I gave up feeling any kind of sense of accomplishment for the things I was trying to do and figure out because he berated me so much for every effort, or feeling good about past accomplishments because he would later make fun of me for anything I told him I had accomplished in the past. I gave up feeling like an intelligent, independent, reasonable, logical, interesting, fair and good woman. I gave this up to feel like a squished worm who is too fundamentally flawed and damaged and useless to belong on this earth.

I hope this will pass and that I will be able to tell you at a later time that I have manged to turn this around and achieve things - or anything - in the future. This is after only knowing this person a little over 6 months in a very on-again off-again quasi-relationship/friendship, and I was a very independent woman with a daughter in her thirties, so I am not young. These relationships are so very destructive to people of any age. I tried to get away from this one so many times, but he kept coming back, and each time he did he beat me down more and said more things I cannot un-hear. I guess I need time and distance and work to un-believe them.

Thank-you for your work, your videos, and your help.

J Mercy

1 week ago

Thank you Dr. Ramani for such a beautiful video! 💜💜💜 My only wish after surviving a 15 year marriage and my parents is to help people that are still stuck and not aware of what NPD is. The day I found out about it, was the day I gave myself permission to leave, thanks to your videos! 🙏 🙏🙏

Damiana Vega Maisonet

1 week ago

Thank you for sharing your knowledge. I told the malignant covert narcissist to leave. It took him a while but he left. It was so hard to make him leave. I loved his four kids. I was very close to one especially. I had to choose myself. I needed peace. I knew I wasn't crazy. His cheating, lies and gaslighting were out of control. He would demonstrate narcissistic rage. I was walking on eggshells. Yes he would future fake. He insulted me. He was living off of me. I would cut off cable and he would text me incessantly while I'm at work and he's in bed at the townhouse I pay for complaining for me to call the cable company and turn on the cable. He was on dating websites and would use my car to pick up and have sex with strangers in my car. He was so entitled. I chose me. I love me. I kept investing in me. I got a personal trainer. I moved. I visited family. I prayed. I journaled. I practiced grey rock the last time he came to the townhouse where he lived with me to pick up his stuff. I went no contact. I messed up 3 times by emailing and visiting. But I'm totally no contact now. Blocked changed numbers. I keep getting educated. My peace is what I value. My safety and my peace. My growth. It feels amazing to be free and recognize my beauty and worth

Judy Menzel

3 days ago

Is it possible to turn the tables and get them to tell you to leave??? Please, please i really need a way.

Jmenzel4444@gmail.com

Jana Evans

1 week ago (edited)

Yes! When I was pregnant, no matter what I mentioned that I wanted to do later in life - get a seminary degree, write a book, be a speaker - the narcissist would shake his head and say, “you’re going to have enough to do taking care of a child.”

Lerie Turner

1 week ago

This did happen to me and for a very long time I was bitter and angry. I was angry because I felt like I no longer had the chance to live out my dreams. However, I have since began to rebuild my life and my dreams have gotten even bigger. After I almost died in a suicide attempt I woke up in a very profound way determined to live my life on my terms. Of course this could not happen without tools like: daily meditation, staying focused on the positive things in my life, having more gratitude, being Present, taking walks in nature, writing "I AM ENOUGH" on every mirror in my house, and creating a system of support with people who kept me grounded in my reality vs the one I allowed him to keep me in. I still struggle from time to time because we have a child together, but I am no longer standing still.

Gracelin Girl

1 week ago

My sister is a narcicist. For everything good i mentioned happening in my life she would always manipulate the conversation to something bad that happened to her. And make you feel guilty for daring to be happy. I decided to finally cut her out of my life. But she twisted our dad to such a extend that he tried to get me to talk to her again. When i did not give in he cut me completely out of his life. Im bitter,sad and angry. She won. Messed up a relationship that i had with my dad in an instant. Now i can never see him again. And his getting old and has heart issues.

My stepmother has talked me out of so many of my dreams I was left in an existential crisis after I graduated college. I was convinced not to do things that would have given me so much, like joining the Peace Corps (she convinced me I’d hate it & I wouldn’t have lasted). I was talked out of teaching, pursuing linguistics, etc. My persistent dissociation was interpreted as ignoring them or even that I had a hearing issue. They literally convinced me I was deaf & made me wear hearing aids in middle school to satisfy themselves when my hearing lab results are still within average range even to date (though with certain pitches, my left ear is deaf to those nowadays). I lost sight of the kid I once was... the person my peers from grade school know who was the grade ambassador for new foreign exchange students. To date I’ve never had a falling out with any of my best friends or siblings but unfortunately the same can’t be said for my dad & his wife.

brett neuberger

1 week ago

Great message. The one thing to keep in mind, narcissists in this world are here to help others wake up to who they are! Discovering narcissism helped me realize true happiness doesn’t come from meeting goals or striving to achieve some....thing. Waking up to the peace within and realizing I’m good enough for simply being human, probably wouldn’t have come without the help of those who forced me to recognize these things in myself. After all, there’s a reason we’re attracted to and stick with narcissists.

I recognize that children of narcissists have it especially hard, but even still, there’s a reason for your struggle; it’s to wake up to your truth, no matter your age.

Denise Nason

1 week ago

I remember being larger than life as a very young child. I remember being fearless when it came to reality and facing the truth. I was highly articulate and not afraid to tell her the truth. These qualities scared and threatened her world.

Both my parents were narc but my mom was the malignant one. She would nag me into the ground about success and money. Any achievement would go completely unnoticed. Any time I got excited about a talent I enjoyed and was good at, she would snap back about stop wasting time with it. She had an amazing talent for sewing. I found an application to a highly regarded college still in its envelope. She never profited from any business venture she took on.

My parents never taught me finances at all. They would ride me about not having the skills. She also had a reallyyyy unhealthy competition about how much better at finances they are then me. We we were.your age we had ....... what about you???

They also controlled me and kept me close with money. I was always their charity case.

I am in a financial 12 step program to work my way out of the legacy they created.

I learned I turned creditors into obnoxious parent surrogates. I am working through the blinding resentment of not being taught life skills. I am also getting out of the paralyzing debt I wrapped around my own neck.

Sara Marshall

1 week ago

My mother (recently deceased) had Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Then I was in a 24 year marriage with a narcissistic spouse. Ended over 2 years ago and still very stuck and hopeless.

Ann

1 week ago

Right on, Dr. Ramani! To set myself free from my narcissist, I gathered my courage and began talking to a counselor weekly. My counselor validated my feelings that I was being abused by the demeaning, diminishing comments coming from the narcissist. My confidence was steadily and surely being eroded. The sessions with the counselor helped to rebuild my confidence, and like Dr. Ramani said, I became much MORE confident and savvy than ever before. I was being transformed into a new, strong , courageous person who could spot abusive comments right away and then speak up and confront the abuser. I also claimed my right to share however little time and company I wished with this person (which wasn't much). This person eventually passed away. Today I have full control of my time and choices, and will never again become entangled with a narcissist. It means being easily able to say "no" and to tolerate disappointing people sometimes. I am no longer a people-pleaser, but instead listen to my own intuition and to God's voice. I encourage anyone in the grips of a demeaning narcissist to realize your God-given worth and to live the life of your dreams, as Dr. R said. I also encourage you to find an empathetic counselor/therapist to help you uncover your true self!

Matthew Lewis

1 week ago

I met my narc ex at church. He claimed to desire all the same things I did. My dream has always been to do mission work with the lgbt community, and I wanted to work specifically with unwanted youth and children in other countries. I bought into the lies and destroyed my credit to build a life together. Then came his idea to start a business. His claim was that it would fund our mission work. However I was way in over my head and the responsibilities soon all fell onto my lap. I got so overwhelming since I was also working full time and managing the household that I gave up. I was over a 100k in debt and he blamed me, told me I'm a failure, incompetent, a quitter. I was no longer the person he fell in love with and he showed nothing but contempt towards me. It was later... I ended up leaving only to go back to him that he admitted in an argument he resented me because that business was to show he could show FB he was more than just a former addict. Fast forward to today and I'm narc free, working with a skilled therapist, and working with a group of individuals to start a small business to employ homeless lgbt teens and set them up for future success. I have a lot of reservations and fears, but if I can dance with the devil I know I can do this.

Lisa Jude Georges

1 week ago

I came across this channel 10 months ago, as I was trying to leave a covert malignant narcissist. After all the stalking, manipulation, flying monkeys, smear campaign, I realized that I wasn't getting better. Your videos helped me identified three other narcissists (a grandiose, a neglectful, and a benign narcissist) that try to destroy my potential. Now I know that my dreams and aspirations are achievable and I am good enough to pursue everything I envisioned to. I still go through abuse, because I cant afford to leave the house. But I found real support, and finally know what real love is. I will not let anyone clip my wings ever again. If you are reading this, stay strong, and get out as soon as possible, love yourself enough to go out of that.

Sheri Faissal

1 week ago

I don’t even recall what my dreams or aspirations ever were. As I gray rock and limit contact, the brain fog is lifting and I’m beginning to allow myself very small but significant aspirations.

Schizo Lykaboss

1 week ago

This one video made me subscribe.

I'm kind of trapped bc I have no family around to take me in and have been isolated so don't have enough friends to ask for help. So ashamed of how long I've allowed this. Am currently in the process of trying to get out. Applying for places to live. I'm afraid to even call places in front of him bc he'll get weird angry or loud and try to cut it off.

Jessica Lawrence

5 days ago

I went overseas a year ago right in the midst of the worst of my experience of narcissistic abuse, I was in the middle of an extreme paradox between total spiritual awakening and c-ptsd to the point of my immune system not functioning properly. It was my first trip overseas and I was alone and had to figure things out as I went feeling quite like a young child mentally emotionally and physically, but I had transcended fear through the experience of suffering. Here is the facebook album I made from my travels for anyone who may like to see: https://www.facebook.com/jessicaalycelawrence/media_set?set=a.10156164365945919&type=3

Rachel Johnson

1 week ago

I have definitely suffered this. The lasting effects have made me less able to feel interested in projects and feel like if I put in any effort it’ll all be taken away from me. I remember years of fighting for doing anything that wasn’t my partners thoughts/activities. All of my interests and dreams just seem too difficult for me anymore.

ariel rose

1 week ago

I'm literally crying while watching this because I'm having so many things run through my head from over my lifetime...WAY TOO MUCH to list here on the comments!!

I'm now free and have been rebuilding my life the past two years, but my heart is still broken for lost time and dreams because of the years of abuse that almost took my life from me.

I'm proud to say I am now a reiki master practitioner, engaged to am actual earth angel, and living a relaxed healthy life.

If you are still going through the fire, KEEP GOING! Even if it feels like it's never going to end, keep going!! YOU CAN DO IT!!! ❤️✨

Jana Reiterova

1 week ago

Wow thank you very much,it is so good to connect with people who went through this ,I had a long struggle with my parents the hardest part for me was to get rid of the guilt and shame they've left in my,to actually get it out of my mind eas the hardest part. Actually it is everyday process because they are there but cut them out as much as I could helped me and also realizing to not to take their wprds personally and also their views helps me a lot every day to evolve. Even though I am still working on this to become more decisive,confident and mainyl trusting myself :) thank you for this video,it gives courage

Abby Croft

4 days ago

During the horrific 12years,he told me I will never be a mom he will never marry me I’ll never go to school I’ll never have any money.im 40 now.im still so broken.so depresses and it’s been 4 years.ive sabatoged all potential jobs and good relationships.a great man wanted to marry me and have a baby but ran from him in fear of him being a narc.future faking fear

Prerna Ramesh

1 week ago

I have been there. It has ruined my life completely.

S Crane

1 week ago

Dr Ramani has helped me with her online counseling and education tremendously. Tremendously is an under statement. Thank you so much. There's hope after all.

DrYatt Collection

1 week ago

Tq for ur advice doctor. May God bless you :>

Margaret Valentine

1 week ago

The years that I wasted! Yes. You said it Dr.

Jeffrey Graf

1 week ago

3 years of recognition, of 10 years betrayal, by 3 of my closest relationships, and I can't answer the question of HOW to move on.

OR, WHY, do I attract them.

HELP

Menucha Hats

1 week ago

I did give up my degree because of life's circumstances, and now my daughter dropped out of her computer science degree because her husband overloaded her with his demands.

Natisher Henry

1 week ago

Thank you so much for this powerful message.

25johis

1 week ago (edited)

My dreams could be stolen, but they couldn't even they tried for 40 years over and over again. I know what I want today. I working for it, silent and with determination ...like lion 🦁🦁🦁 🙏💪💪💪💪🙏💚💚💚

Miss Mia

1 week ago

He told me my friend deserved to die when he was hit by a car because he did not use a crosswalk. The car who hit him was speeding and that driver was arrested. He never hugged me, he got angry at me for crying about it. I am sucked dry. His mom is extremely narcissistic as well and of course we live with her because "reasons" his reason of not wanting to leave mommy's skirt

Sorchia

1 week ago

I finally cut all contact with my mother two years ago. It was very limited to begin with but I severed everything. My older brother and sister couldn’t and they committed suicide. Nothing was good enough, nothing would. One out of what we were doing. She hated that I am happy with my life, she hated that I had very few insecurities. Once my brother died though, I read the texts between them just before he pulled the trigger. I said that woman is nothing to me. NOTHING. She will no longer hold any control over me. I don’t have to own her issues. I felt a huge weight lift. She was never a mother to begin with so I don’t miss a thing. She has attempted to contact me several times. At first she is sweet then the knife, as always, comes out. I don’t answer her calls, read her emails, snail mail gets thrown away. I am in grief counselling over my siblings and realising my full potential at 49 years old. Each step is a bit wobbly but my husband is my number 1 cheerleader and encourages me every day. I’m blessed.

Ideal City Living - ICL, GTV

Saturday 18 July 2020

Narcissistic Personality Disorder 3

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