I ended a friendship when she tried to make me a flying monkey. Just broke up with the 3rd narcissist in 3 years and looking for my new dream partner...a professional therapist. Thank you for the videos I've been binging leading up to a loving parting and determined No Contact.
Buster
Buster
3 months ago
Dr. Ramini, (girl!) Thanks....
Christine Hoosepian-Mer
Christine Hoosepian-Mer
3 months ago
Once again I thank you.
3
Lorraine Harvey
Lorraine Harvey
1 week ago
Thank you so much, God bless
Ava Memero
Ava Memero
3 months ago
Dr.Ramani your videos are like an adddiction !!! Really helpful π―π
Maya Jewell
Maya Jewell
3 months ago (edited)
I have an autoimmune illness, through which i worked sick for at least 8 years. Mostly because I could tell from my parent's reaction, they would not be willing to help me. I worked until my health was completely wrecked possibly beyond repair. At some point my mom begged, literally begged me to move in with her. I'd had a short remission, during which I was living and working in a different city and had decided to move states for another job and leave the whole mess of my family behind. The day after I left my job, i found out my brother died. This was before I knew what my parents malfunction was (they're both narcissists), so i did what a 'good daughter' would do. I rushed to my mother's side to help, thinking (deluding myself) that if i found myself jammed up over helping her during a family emergency, she wouldn't leave me in the lurch.
This is of course not what happened, instead I ended up moving something like 7 times in those months, getting sicker with each one. With her rage and resentment following me from one place to the next (she directly sabotaged one living arrangement. friends who'd known me since before i was born offered me a place with them for as long as i needed, she came for a visit one night, and two days later they asked me to leave. years later they took me to lunch and apologized, even giving me money). It was as if the relapse was something i'd done to personally offend her. She wanted absolutely no part in helping care for me, but didn't want to look bad to our friends. During that entire time, she was paying rent on an empty apartment for her own reasons, while she moved in with my grandparents. I'd finally got something stable, renting a room. She called out of the blue, asking me to move in with her; that she really wanted me with her, wanted to rebuild my trust in her; she understood the illness wasn't going anywhere and wouldn't let me down, etc.
I was with her for less than a year...i was soooo careful. asking over and over, how she was with things...was there anything she needed me to do differently. everything was good, wonderful, she was so glad. so when she told me less than a year in, that she was dealing with some stuff that was nothing to do with me and became a little withdrawn...i didn't worry much at first. Six months later found me on the sidewalk in front of a closed community action center, with a suitcase and no idea where i'd sleep that night.driven there by a family friend who was a social worker and the only one to express interest in my grief over my brother. she was someone whose daughter I'd been there for after the woman's husband died when we were teens.
this was my home town, a place i'd lived since the age of four. i had two aunts, a cousin and grandparents, as well as an extensive faith community full of people who'd watched me grow up. and let me say, i'd never been in conflict with any of them. ever. there was no bad blood. Some of these same people had given my sociopathic brother, jobs, cars, apartments, etc years and years earlier. Until that point, there'd never been any scandal or dysfunction associated with me, I'd always worked, had my own place, with the exception of two years i moved home at my parents request (and paid market rent!)
Years later, just like the friends who kicked me out after my mom played on the wife's sensitivities about depression (she has suffered from it horribly all her life) when they asked for info about my condition. Instead of telling them about my diagnosed medical condition, she told the friend 'i had depression but refused to take medication for it'. Many of those people apologized profusely, and often from out of the blue. they couldn't believe they'd done that to me, didn't know what they were thinking. More than one actually sent money along with the apology, or in lieu of.
The Narc-Flying Monkey dynamic has been terribly damaging to me and my relationships with people who've loved me all of my life. But, I can't help feeling deeply for those who are used. Who are moved by my mother's 'damsel-in-distress pheromones' to act counter to their feelings for me and even against their own characters.
Ankita Patra
Ankita Patra
3 months ago
Yes. I too had similar type supervisor. I believe.
Jacinta M
Jacinta M
3 months ago
Dealing with this now. I know my toxic narcissistic mother got her mother on her side, and now I have to avoid my grandmother because I know she's trying to hoover me back in and get information about me to pass on to my mother. But even if I lose my relationship with my grandmother, I refuse to give up my agency and get hurt ever again. If my grandmother is so willing to change her opinion at anything my mother says about me, she never truly cared about me anyway.
Condè Nasty
Condè Nasty
3 months ago
Amazing!
Hugga Fox
Hugga Fox
3 months ago
Thanking you Always for you video's!
Stephanie Sandlin
Stephanie Sandlin
3 months ago
All I can think of while I watch this is Amber Heard.
Ilona
Ilona
3 months ago
My mother was a flying monkey for my sister. Can't believe I am just now seeing all of this.
2
Erin No Narc KUNLANGETA PREDATOR Abuser bum allowed
Erin No Narc KUNLANGETA PREDATOR Abuser bum allowed
1 month ago
YES!!! Definitely!!!!
Sierrah Max
Sierrah Max
2 months ago
I personally thank all of you survivors and Dr. Ramani ππ All the sharing really helps understand the narcissitic patterns and tactics. π The disapointments and hollow void is very quickly filled with new smiling friendly faces, real people living real purposeful Lives., After learning those very painful lessons I actually do feel stronger, after experiencing a narcissist we can truely identify these creeps and be the Strong and Understanding one_ for someone else who is_ suffering from narcissitic abuse. π― Now the narc is the target> to avoid. lol Thank You all again on this journey of π
Erin No Narc KUNLANGETA PREDATOR Abuser bum allowed
Erin No Narc KUNLANGETA PREDATOR Abuser bum allowed
1 month ago (edited)
Now we're talking side's ! Divide and conquer! Get paid to divide and conquer!
Oracle Illuminated
Oracle Illuminated
3 months ago (edited)
I have 8 siblings and all of them including myself before i was aware of what was going on were totally used as my mothers flying monkeys.I got out of it and did alot of healing work (still do) and two of my siblings died from drug overdoses and the rest still play the game with my mother..who is a covert narcissist...sneaky sneaky she is...happy i cut all contact and so so much healthier,happier and peaceful. ππ»πππ»Couldn't be more greatful that i made it out alive.
Kristen Haney
Kristen Haney
1 month ago
How my mom uses her family members against me
Free To Shine Bright
Free To Shine Bright
3 months ago
Love your videos, Dr.. Ramani. Can you please talk of how to defend yourself from the narcissist's objective criticism? Thanks!
1
Lisa Rochwarg
Lisa Rochwarg
2 months ago
Flying monkeys: The narcissist's accomplices in mobbing. To be discarded the moment they stop being useful.
1
Jason Wimberly
Jason Wimberly
2 months ago
Eye Opening!
The Truth
The Truth
3 months ago
Though it was a shocking experience, it was also an eye opener. After dealing with that demon everyone that I dated after him was one of his flying monkeys. I was upset at first, I later started feeding them false information.
Stacey Legg
Stacey Legg
3 months ago
I am loving this series of videos!
1
KiLLED5639
KiLLED5639
1 month ago
It's already too late. I was the one and only flying monkey. I wondered why I felt so guilty all these years and now I know why.
Roxsana Jimenez
Roxsana Jimenez
3 months ago
Thank you dr. Ramani ❤❤❤
1
Stig M
Stig M
3 weeks ago
I have learned to think about this as alliances and the building of alliances. Yes, it is about being the first, like getting a monopoly of how things shall be perceived.
Bri M
Bri M
3 months ago
Thank you Dr. Ramani!!!!
2
Sandy G
Sandy G
3 months ago
Could you please address the role of the other parent (the non-narc) where it involves behavior similar to the flying monkey?
For example: my ex is a narc, I was raised in a narcissistic family environment, and to try to protect my sons from their father's negative influence, I did things to "clean up" his messes. I said things to them to try to lessen the impact of his abuse toward them (and toward myself). I didn't know anything about narcissism at the time, just that I didn't like how he treated us and I didn't want him destroying the boys' thoughts of themselves.
I can say that I didn't ever invalidate their feelings (that I know of), but I did try to minimize his behavior and attitude. My sons have assured me that they never felt betrayed by me and that they felt I was a safe person for them. However, I can easily see how fine that line is for a parent who is being abused by a narcissist, but who is also trying to make things less stressful at home by controlling the kids' behaviors.
I hope this makes sense. I have been so fearful that I, inadvertently, added to the effects of the narcissist in my efforts to protect my sons from harm.
I have never heard anyone address this part of the dynamic in the family setting. Dad's a narc, mom's being abused, kids are being abused, Mom doesn't know how to manage the chaos, so kids have lost both parents.
Will you please address it?
Erin Garrett
Erin Garrett
2 months ago
Yes, get a therapist with experience in narcissism, toxic (family) behavior, conflict management, etc.
Redneck Girl
Redneck Girl
3 months ago (edited)
I don't know how you did it, but you have been spying at my workplace for the past 6 years. I will say that if those flying monkeys ever do come crawling back to me, too bad, so sad. I forgive all the time. I only trust once. Adults are fully responsible for their actions.
Frances J. Jenson
Frances J. Jenson
3 months ago (edited)
EXEMPLARY VIDEO! This is textbook instruction beginning to end. Dr. Ramini is a gifted educator, master class academic, keenly honed in subject matter, and a brilliant presenter. Dr. Ramini effortlessly demonstrates the perfect blend of body language, facial expression, inflection and tone to captivate her audience while she pointedly, methodically, and logically lays out the subject matter. Start to finish, Dr. Ramini is equally relaxed and intriguing. No doubt this genius display of explaining her critical knowledge is easily comprehended and leaves the viewer solidly informed, satisfied, pleasant, and quite expectedly wanting more.
THANK YOU, DR. RAMINI, FOR YOUR LOVE, LIGHT, AND CONTRIBUTION TO A BETTER WORLD AND HUMAN RACE!
BRAVO, BRAVO, BRILLIANT
GemGen 101
GemGen 101
2 months ago
WOW felt like I was in a therapy session. SO THAT'S what i went through. I tried explaining this but , because there was not a term in my list, the nars's friend (who had bits of nars in them too) didn't believe me. It was just the monkeys doing their ignore bidding! Quarantine is SUPER simple these days when you have already experience with monkeys in your life shunning or blaming you without talking and asking you questions first. If people can't treat you how they'd like to be treated, its game over & peace out. I HATE gossip & think its a waste of time. I let things "slide" esp if it doesn't concern or affect me & i don't want word to go around that I was rude just in talking to. I'm always standing up to the bully AND by stander if things get worse and people BELIEVE they have a right to be rude, HOWEVER, when people started treating me different because they believed gossip by people who never even talked to me, that's when I felt a shift. This video explained MONTHS of something so thanks!
Olivia Lau
Olivia Lau
3 months ago
The thing about flying monkeys is that they often do not have a moral compass. They don't have to intentionally harass and gossip about people they hear about from the narcissist. They enable the narcissist because they are getting something out of helping the narcissist.
2
Danny Nyman
Danny Nyman
2 months ago
@ 5:15-5:30 "They are targeted by the Narcissist to do their dirty work." I would like to add here that sometimes the "flying monkeys" don't need to be targeted by the narcissist in particular among repressive religions. When one partner leaves or is disaffected from their repressive religion it seems automatic for the people within that religion to look at them with a degree of suspicion. They also automatically side with the narcissist who stays in the organization.
Kim Illg
Kim Illg
2 months ago
I cannot believe it....this is validating the flying monkeys I have seen in so many jobs. They are real!
1
Hannah Mohammad
Hannah Mohammad
1 month ago
This is way I don't gossip, if someone tells me some gossip I just shake it off. The best advice is keep your mouth shut and your mind open.
Madalina Ianus
Madalina Ianus
1 month ago
is it good to stay with a flying monkey if they don't want the change? have they compassion and feeling for eachothers? are they emphathic?
Paul Foot
Paul Foot
3 months ago
It's astounding to me how they are all the same and do the exact same things. My boss (female predator) wanted to have sex in my performance review, yes, really, thinking I was dealing with a normal human at tha point I walked out and tried to forget about it. She didn't forget about it at all and the smear campaign involved me being mentally ill (common tactic is to paint the victim as a psycho). When I refused her a second time a year later things got wild, it now involves my direct supervisor and several people up the chain, but not one person will come and ask you if it is true, just incredible.
elsa lam
elsa lam
3 months ago
Actually I had twice of this kind of flying monkeys isolation in my adolescence. This is very true and horrible especially and I was born in Hong Kong ( a small asian city). I had no clue of being isolated by a group of friends at age 10 for 2 years until I changed to high school. The first time was super heartbreaking and doubted myself for their judgemental comments, because my dad died when I was 8. Then the 2nd time was in Junior high and I was isolated and being judged with all the written words for saying I was difficult. But I learned from my first experience for not being afraid. Then the isolation only last for a few months. I still could stay in the swimming team and being friend and going out with these people for 4 years. But deep inside my heart, I really want to finish my high school years faster. Finally I didn't go to the grad dinner. I had never known who did I offended.
Christine Chamberlain
Christine Chamberlain
3 months ago
enlightening and scary, I guess this is whats going to happen next.....
allyson hicks
allyson hicks
2 months ago
CLUEEEEELEEESSSSSS
Rufus Pit
Rufus Pit
1 month ago
π§‘you Dr. Ramani!wish you had been around 30 years ago. Would have really helped me understand my mom.That was one of the most stressful things.Everyone I knew, looking at me wierdly.treating me like the horrible ungrateful child.Asking why I wasn't nicer to my mother.All the while she was severely abusive. Even to this day,even though I have had no contact for 20 years.Still people are giving me the oily fish eye.Hugs to everyone who went through this.πππ§‘
123 456
123 456
3 weeks ago
This is the problem I'm dealing with despite all the lies.
wchiwink
wchiwink
3 months ago
wOw, this just described what's happening to me!
My neighbor, the psycho perpetrator, has been rallying "flying monkeys", (which I called her "peanut gallery" before knowing the correct term ;) and I distinctly am aware that they are being used to try and get info, or spy on me (one of them is a friend), and they seem to revel in the gossip and spewing of BS...so I don't play the game, but it is very unsettling!
Luckily, my reputation in the village is good, and I don't think the perp will get a very big army...I also have a feeling that the flying monkeys are intimidated by the perp, and are afraid to end up on the wrong side. With good reason!
Thank You Dr Ramani! I'm learning so much from you..
Nikki D
Nikki D
3 months ago
My reality!
Marta G
Marta G
3 months ago (edited)
Dear Doctor Ramani. I am so sure about my values and feelings, but I have (and will have) EVERYBODY around me making me gaslight. May I have some direct contact with you for the future? Maybe I could have your mail? I will need someone to keep me safe. I think I am strong but they could threaten me with anything.
Cindy Brown
Cindy Brown
3 months ago
idont care i have a husband who loves me...i left my family and BOOM...we were gone.
mrswhugy J
mrswhugy J
1 month ago
this is what my narc dad did with my siblings to me...
Bernadette B
Bernadette B
2 months ago
Thankyou for your help ππΎππ§‘πΉπ
Jennifer Munoz
Jennifer Munoz
3 months ago
The part about the divorce..π right here. He is reaching out to family, friends, anyone who will listen. Even family who has seen him in action haven been manipulated and the parental alienation...pffft...only my oldest is like ohh no! He has physically as well as mentally abused me. Get out early, dont stay for years, or decades....it will affect your health
cat
cat
3 months ago
I got fired from my waitressing job because 6 flying monkeys came in to my work to harass me... and I was the one who was blamed... ok....
Kit Kat
Kit Kat
2 months ago (edited)
My mother set up one of my sisters as her flying monkey because I refused to do something for her. My sister rang my home phone and started abusing me, not realizing my husband was there too. I went quiet, my husband had seen this before and quickly took the phone off me while she was still spewing. He let her go on then made her aware he heard it all. He pointed out to her our mother was using her, I found out later my sister took her kids and walked out on my mother, and refused to talk to her.
Moral of the story it takes one to know one, he certainly knew how to handle her, which is why she never liked him and tried to break us up.
Christine
Christine
3 months ago
What do you do when they "recruited/converted" your young, impressionable 11 year old child, when you trusted the Narc to become your child's step-parent???
Wandering Jedi
Wandering Jedi
1 month ago
I’ve experienced and observed this behavior repeatedly in life. I can’t believe how many Narcissists there are in today’s world. Twice I’ve dated a Narcissist. I’ve seen it happen to others in at least 5 different jobs. I had to learn the hard way, that these people do not change, and to never tolerate their negative behavior nor their flying monkeys behavior in my presence. Eliminate all Narcissists and Flying Monkeys from your social circle and if you have to deal with them, keep it distant and professional, give them nothing personal.
Bernadette B
Bernadette B
2 months ago
Yes, that's exactly what's happening...no olive branch here...I'm in disbelief...how evil destructive mean cold hearted demonic entities....karma monkeys...
321 renew
321 renew
3 months ago
Now I can see how this played out in nearly every place I have worked, but primarily in office work. Eventually I became self employed.
2
Roy Hight
Roy Hight
3 months ago (edited)
I had my encounter with what almost certainly was a narcissist, and I have been on the receiving end of every one of these attacks from her and her flying monkeys. (And yes, she's vindictive to a degree that is actually disturbing.) Thanks, Doc!
Drawing Divas
Drawing Divas
3 months ago
in the end the truth comes out
2
Nicky Ann
Nicky Ann
1 month ago
I've been both a flying monkey and a victim of them. Expect them to overrun your life if you ever confront a narcissist or ask them "why"? but remember, you're not crazy. You're not alone. Protect yourself, unfollow, block - do whatever you can - just don't engage.
1
Birdie Bee
Birdie Bee
3 months ago
This is exactly what my codependent siblings do for my oldest brother Narc. Anytime I try to educate them onto what he is doing, they roll their eyes and think I am trying to create drama. I've learned to disengage and let him manipulate and abuse them.
Deb Chase
Deb Chase
3 months ago
How about throwing you out of your apartment during a pandemic? God is still sovereign over all.
charlotte ch
charlotte ch
3 months ago
Dr Ramani. Thank you
Marta G
Marta G
3 months ago
I just wrote the message down before hearing about the gaslight in your video. Please help me. I need some direct contact with neutral people, not to tell me what to do (I know exactly how I am and my values) but to be able to defend myself from EVERYBODY AROUND ME.
LifeWillBeBetter
LifeWillBeBetter
3 months ago
Excellent explanation. Thank you.
2
Nannette Watters
Nannette Watters
5 days ago
Couldn't be better said. Thank you for your insight.
Eli Potter
Eli Potter
2 months ago
Most abusers/narcs I have been hassled by were in positions of power, so weak people had a strong incentive to go along with their story and denigrate me. I have the strength of character and belief in myself to ignore it and get out if it's too dreadful - but looking back, I wish I had a stronger ability at the time to not let it use up so much of my emotional space and make me sad and stressed. I am more focused on what my personal goals are now and the things I enjoy, so am less rocked by others bad behaviour.
1
Thoughts of a Gemini
Thoughts of a Gemini
3 months ago
My aunt tried to turn me into her flying monkey. She’s been trying to motivate her sons to taking more initiative to drive so they can get their driver’s licenses. The both have learners permits but they’re so used to her driving them around. She called me on yesterday and asked for me to call my cousins and try to persuade them to be more proactive in learning to drive. I told her no, because I refuse to be a part of a manipulation tactic. She was turned off by my decline and told me that all parents do this and that there are good and bad manipulation tactics. She thinks that her request was a positive manipulation tactic. There is nothing positive about manipulation.
Kim Letso
Kim Letso
1 week ago
Narcissits are so Skilled at manipulation that they are able to influence other people to the extent that they turn against the very people they love, the victim! Wonderfully Presented.
Klebber Bezerra
Klebber Bezerra
3 months ago
She is a genius and I am a huge fan.
1
Sophia
Sophia
1 month ago
My narcissistic husband started threatening suicide when I ask for a divorce. I contacted a therapist for him. We went together for a session. then just my husband went alone a few times. The next time I went the therapist he treated me like I was a narcissistic. My husband was able to turn him into a flying monkey! I was flabbergasted . After years and year of abuse he became the victim and I became the monster. If you go to a therapist make sure they understand narcissistic.
Noirin Cassidy
Noirin Cassidy
4 weeks ago (edited)
Yes my Mother is Narcissist and she has turned all of my siblings against me. I'm happy because im away from her, I used to think I was useless now I know she just wanted me to feel like that.
mary shaffer
mary shaffer
2 months ago
Do flying monkeys ever feel theyre strong independent people?
1
Batel Skater
Batel Skater
4 days ago
Lmfao. Those “Flying Monkeys” my Mom, Older Sister, and ENTIRE Family, will NEVER get Validation from ME. In my Eyes, if you allow Evil to Enter your heart? YOURE JUST AS EVIL. And I SEEN IT. If my mother ever gets on a plane to travel anywhere? She will get arrested and sent to prison. As I put away that Narcissist in for 42 Years. No Mercy on Evil.
Giovanni Berti
Giovanni Berti
3 months ago
please deal with memory lapse
Diane Kirkland
Diane Kirkland
3 months ago
Dr Ramani, may I ask, what would you say is happening if someone who has been ostracised from a family group, subtly, eventually tries to gather their own “flying monkeys”? Does that mean that person is just as manipulative and narcissistic?
I feel like as someone who has been hurt by someone in a family, talked about and turned on by others who have become these flying monkeys, I have become someone who tries to play their game... i am sure it is as bad as the instigator, but I feel like I need help and i need people to help me through. So, I do talk to people in the family that I believe I can trust. I also tend to eventually get strategic when people do these things to me. It took me years, but I am now doing the same just so I have people who can tell my side if it came down to it.
Does that indicate that I may be just as narcissistic do you think?
Cherah Lindo
Cherah Lindo
1 week ago
Wow. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
Estella Camacho
Estella Camacho
3 months ago
There are always two sides to a story!!!
Emelia Bailey
Emelia Bailey
2 months ago (edited)
They say the word agents is being used as well for the words... flying monkeys.
Carmen Sanchez
Carmen Sanchez
2 weeks ago
Nail it!ππΌ
Anca Marr
Anca Marr
3 months ago
Very good presentation, very dangerous circumstances for the victim.
MC
MC
3 months ago
So true! Each member of his gang has a role: my parents to rush me into repairing the marriage as they did, or to follow traditions or to go to church with him, some “friends” to learn to forgive and give chances, some to do it for the sake of the kids, some to work harder. Each have been recruited for their strongest belief. At best, the rest of my long term girlfriends, whose husbands became his best buddies overnight, have declared they are “neutral”. Just like that! Liters of coffee and decades of girls talking are now “on hold “ until I get back to my senses! Life goes on! I’m making new friends and hiding them from my past. Looking forward to seeing which side god will take, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it wants to stay neutral π
1
Carol a
Carol a
3 months ago
My own mom going against me in court on my ex side for coustody of my son,after me having 13 years, and my mom gave me up as a kid and to this day calls me evil and the devil.im a child of god.
Trojanette83
Trojanette83
3 months ago
(OFF-TOPIC) Just something to share w/ you and your viewers. For your history buffs out in the audience.
I was reminded of the parallels of this scenario when I was helping someone with their history homework assignment.
Think about this for a moment:
What do you think about the following? Think about this scenario ripped from the pages of history....how eerily similar it is to what we are all are experiencing, today. The time is England in 1665 and the Black death is ravaging throughout the streets of London.
Citizen's were 'sealed' or locked in their homes, prevented from going anywhere. Family members were separated from one another.
Town appointed 'medical assessors' in the visage of midwives and their 'crew would go around and check for symptoms. If you were found to be infected the nurse / midwife would notify some sort of town deputy who would then come to the home with chains, metal rods, bolts, keys and actually lock people in their homes. If you lived in one of the affected homes someone else would come to your door and paint a red symbol on it which, would tell people to stay away from your home. The downside was that some people actually were left sealed in the homes for so long that they starved to death !! They couldn't get out to get food and no one would bring them food. After the plague had run its course and or the plague had subsided someone would come back around to the infected person's homes and paint a symbol of a different color over the first one to let everyone know it's OK to be near them. While no one has come to put symbols or notices on our doors (YET) I, feel we may not be too far off from that.
How prophetic that history has in some respects come full circle in such a dramatic way.
1
Rachel Johnson
Rachel Johnson
2 months ago
UGH! Too many ads!!
Peppertimtam
Peppertimtam
3 months ago
I was lucky; my cousin, who has a lot of covert-narcissistic tendencies, tried to get my brother and sister to turn against me with a lot of out right lies and fabrications of things I’d said or done. Luckily both my brother and sister are level headed and decided to get my take before passing judgement, and didn’t end up as flying monkeys. I’ve since cut contact with that cousin. Trying to turn my own siblings against me was the last straw.
Jennifer Anand
Jennifer Anand
3 months ago
thank u thank u thank u!!!!!! and Thank u
Avionna Thomas
Avionna Thomas
3 months ago
This really spoke to me hearing this made me feel like I was going through it all over again that's how on point it was .
2
O k
O k
3 months ago (edited)
Its all so evil makes me want to drop out of life. I'm surrounded by them. Who can afford their legal action?!! By time it comes to that they have already financially broke u years ago. After 14 - 15 years of their abuse i am so worn out i cant stand up to fight anymore. No life is worth this.
Frances Bernard
Frances Bernard
2 months ago (edited)
Now I am understanding how to cope better with my now growing again list of responsibilities. So true that I don't need to do the dumb blonde act like one policeman told me is the only way to survive through a crazy making situation because it is not the 1920's anymore soon after women got the vote and I am not in the third grade. Now I know much better than to trust without question any stories being told to me about someone that I may be later paid to help care for. Grey rock or pushing a broom technique is far better because the worst of it is that most of the time at every level all along up the heirarchy ladder there could be present one covert narcissist around nearby on that level who is a macheveilian type that leans towards narcissism and who knows just how far they can push the limits of common sense a bit further for their own noteriety later all the time while lying just for the sake of lying more often to test and find out what style of lying works best in the situation which makes the work of all the rest of the helper doers a whole lot harder. Any kind of narcissistic trait in normal people is what that kind of higher up abuser relies on when making someone into a flying monkey.
Rhonda Fabert
Rhonda Fabert
3 weeks ago (edited)
I am dealing with a whole troop of flying monkeys enlisted by persons who have designating me a "nemesis". Then when I point out the problem, the truth is denied and I am accused of fabricating. I am a quiet, non-chaotic person so that the chaos created by the flying monkeys is difficult to deal with day after day.
blueshoes915
blueshoes915
3 months ago (edited)
I am in a constant battle with myself on whether to go no contact with my father and younger brother. My dad loves me but he’s so blinded by my covert narcissist mother. My younger brother does not seem to even want to change an ounce. He just wants to continue to treat me with utter disrespect and for me to continue to allow it. I’m done with that dynamic but they are unwilling to let go of any control over me. I’m at a loss of what to do. Keep trying or give up. If these were just friends, I would be able to cut them out but they are my immediate family and it’s so painful to even process their lack of empathy or caring. What do you do when it is your family who is also being abused but just do not see it? It’s tough when you’re the only one who is out of the FOG.
Eliana Boer
Eliana Boer
1 month ago
ππΌ
nafisa najnin η’§η
nafisa najnin η’§η
2 weeks ago
My narcissistic parents did the same with me . Spreading negative false rumors about me gave them relaxation I was fed up to give clearance to everyone nd defending myself Nd I was not aware why they r like this now I know the truth
Anita Virginillo
Anita Virginillo
1 month ago
My sister to a T!
ethel barton
ethel barton
1 week ago
STALKING HORSE- Plains Indians would hide behind their horse to get close to the Buffalo. I can see the cult leader behind the stalking horse.
Islam Bani Yaseen
Islam Bani Yaseen
3 months ago
Tell me about FM. I faced them during my divorce with my ex narc husband, after the divorce I have new FM in my workplace with my manager. I am still traumatized since 2016 and recovering process. The worst ppl after narcs ppl and most of them fully aware of what they're doing with the dirty narc and know the consequences of their harm to the victim, they just enjoy and have fun of you like doing black dark magic with the demons, they are not innocent nor dumb. I would never forgive any narc or FM in my life!
Mom of 4
Mom of 4
1 month ago
Ugh. The counselor in charge of supervising parenting time visits between my ex and our kids is one of his flying monkeys!! It’s awful - she herself has gaslighted me, painted me as “difficult” and even lied in court while testifying on my ex’s behalf. He has paid her thousands of dollars to do his bidding. It’s sick, but it absolutely happens!!
Donna N
Donna N
3 months ago
Do you ever wonder if the downvotes on these videos are by narcissists? haha
1
v
v
3 months ago
Great video thanks.
Annie Carbonneau
Annie Carbonneau
3 months ago
I will work hard at making sure I don't do this to others. It truly destroys a life.
1
Heidi Excell
Heidi Excell
3 months ago
:)
Lee Boriack
Lee Boriack
3 months ago
This is so toxic at the workplace.
As for a partner having flying monkeys, get FAR AWAY and into a whole new group of people.
Karli Edwards
Karli Edwards
1 month ago
Exactly nailed
Karli Edwards
Karli Edwards
1 month ago
Exactly nailed
Rosalind Barbier
Rosalind Barbier
3 months ago
Corona virus pushing us back to check on those we have managed to keep at bay. Flying monkeys flying again....eeek....
Barbara Christie
Barbara Christie
3 months ago
My Overt narc mother’s biggest and best FM was her SIL and still is even years after her death. This old aunt of mine has apparently never known how deep the hatchet was between her shoulder blades when she left our house when I was a kid. A few years ago when I attended a family members’s funeral we came face to face after 30 + years. I said hello to her and she said ‘hello Barbara’ the way Jerry Seinfeld said ‘ hello Newman’ with the same contemptuous tone . I found that quite amusing and somewhat satisfying to know my very presence annoyed her so . She was so threatened after all those years still .
1
Yvette Boer
Yvette Boer
1 week ago
Yes this all true as i have been experiencing the flying monkeys ...my narsistic husband turn my family against me and he tried with my children....
C G Branco
C G Branco
2 months ago
Can the child be turned and used as a flying monkey between the parents?
Msgoody 2shoes
Msgoody 2shoes
3 months ago
The phrase conspiracy gets dismissed so quickly, and yet, it is what happens when narcissists' get their way with pulling in a number of people, into their lie. Then those people know they've done wrong,if they have any moral fiber, and no one will end the abuse.
Antoinette Daniels
Antoinette Daniels
3 months ago
I've felt alienated from half of my family....Social media makes it worse. You see that they all purposely ignore you... It took one cousin who has a very extensive criminal background lie and make up an entire story (about another family member) and said I said it. It's not even in my character. Clearly it's in his. I could not understand why they would believe him. Now I know.
Elizabeth Fraser
Elizabeth Fraser
1 month ago
yes yes yes been there
Heather Daniels
Heather Daniels
3 months ago
π
The Dark Overlord
The Dark Overlord
3 weeks ago
Fun fact! My dad is a low to mid-level narcissist. My sister discovered sometime last year that he has some kind of fascination with apes and monkeys! Like, stuffed monkeys and apes in the back of his car and a few decorative ones in and outside his house. My sister told me this fact only last week. I said to her that that's kind of funny considering the psychology term "flying monkeys" in regards to narcs. She said she didn't ask about what the monekys/apes mean and WON'T EVER ask him, LOL.
MAX New
MAX New
3 months ago
Thank you, Dr. R! The 'sociopath' I encountered didn't have any real people to act as 'flying monkeys'. But they 'made up' imaginary friends and would tell me the decisions, opinions, complaints etc that these 'friends' had about me and our 'relationship' to put me down. For example, 'My friend Tina says you are over-reacting and wants nothing to do with you.' It shows me that they have an agenda to have 'flying monkeys' in itself even more so than actually having any! Fortunately, I caught on though after a few years of their every excuse for it being impossible for me to ever actually meet these 'imaginary friends'! S.O.S., could you please help me comprehend what that was?
Dayang Farhana
Dayang Farhana
3 months ago
Narcissistic are very good in mind control...
N B
N B
2 weeks ago
The best thing victim can do is stop caring what others think, becuz the narcissist will always care
mnikaluza yuwaste
mnikaluza yuwaste
2 months ago
It also shifts the blame off of them (the narcissist) and on to you and the flying monkeys become part of redefining reality and keeping the narc. Ego in safety check.
Greg Hurley
Greg Hurley
1 month ago (edited)
I worked in a company and got a new boss that was a grandiose narcissist. I experienced all the dynamics of the flying monkeys that Dr. Ramani describes. At the time, I believed that the abuser was "bullying" me (I didn't know anything about narcissism). I am a large, very athletic male and have a normal level of self-confidence. I just could not accept the concept that I was being bullied. In my mind I thought that of all the people on the planet, I was just not going to be a target of that....a bully would pick a person that was weaker emotionally or physically. I also didn't see how any of the people in my HR department would take my allegation seriously, so I never did complain. I was later fired over several emails in which another victimized employee and I discussed the situation (I used a lot of expletives and was highly critical of upper management for hiring the abuser) While I was being fired I was asked about the bullying allegations in my emails. I described the details and was told I was over reacting and my abuser would never act the way I was describing.
On a positive note, I ended up getting a much better job in a healthy environment. So, as painful as the whole thing was, I am now really glad it happened. Thanks Dr. Ramani for your videos, they have given me a good understanding of what happened to me. More importantly, I know how to spot a narcissist quickly now so I can avoid the narcissistic minefield in the future.
L T
L T
1 week ago
Why I don't take into gossip and make my own opinions
Jack Goodings
Jack Goodings
3 months ago
Oh crikeys, I've had so much of this at several places of work. I wrote a £0.25M grant application for the school I was working at. It was all my idea, I put a revolutionary four year plan together. Everyone laughed, said I couldn't do it, but I could see it in my head, and I did all the leg work around the community and school. The head teacher asked a fellow colleague to work with me on it. He did the 'raising funds for the 20% match funding'. Long story short, I'd arranged for me and who I thought was a good friend of mine of 5 years at the school to become assistant head teachers. The head teacher left and this 'friend' became acting head teacher !! and got rid of me from the school, and I later found out that the previous head teacher thought my 'friend' had written the grant .. that's what my 'friend' had made out as happened. My 'friend' had a doctorates degree, was very good at talking .. measured, calculated. Just sickening. That was my project, I got that, I'd never done it before, I don't see myself as someone big and great and clever .. it was a massive achievement .. and it was all taken away. Happened with me on a school before that one too, grant, and my line manager took all the credit !! The teaching job I got after that, same thing was happening and I was being terribly abused by my line manager and second in department. This time, I got the Union involved, and I fought it .. the head teacher was trying to 'write me off' with redundancy and a month's wages .. I had gone on sick leave. I fought tooth and nail, was ill, but determined. I fought the school management, and they were tough. I won !! Got 6 months extra pay and three years added on to my redundancy. Ruined my career, I'd worked so hard to achieve. Now, I'm burnt out, I can't even do full time at a job. I supply teach, it's all I can do. And all this time, I was with an abusive wife who turned the kids against me and ran up the debt and ruined everything I was trying to do for the home and garden, on and on and on. Everything you'res saying. Yep, they were victims, hmmm. Oh, the last job with redundancy, I got my own back .. seven years later I was asked to work there for a few months again, and I strolled in there, head up, and people were 'off' with me, and I gave a different story to what they'd all heard. And they would never have asked someone back who was discharged for safeguarding issues .. and I faced one of those abusers outside the school, because once again he was trying to set me up and do the 'thing' that they do. And I proactively followed through and got safeguarding officer involved and stood my ground. And at the end, when somebody had a go at me, I turned round and walked out, and left them to it, and never went back again. That was very healing. Sorry, rambling on here, I've never told all of that story before to anyone .. oh, there's so much to tell. We have such long stories to tell, it's not single incidents, its a whole life of it, us in 'deep', and it takes so much courage and strength to start breaking free from it, and takes a long time too. God bless you all.
Vadim Rjannikov
Vadim Rjannikov
3 months ago
Good to be aware about the lies flying around. Trust your belly. Its tough to realise you invest love energy in people just to be played for some justification or satisfaction. But in the end you end up free from stress and more energy to invest in your self.
1
Kelly McNabb
Kelly McNabb
3 months ago
I lost a friend of approximately 30+ years because of a man I knew for 3 years and was gonna marry. I have other friends that I haven't known as long.....but even after they saw the bruises and blood on my face....they remained Facebook friends with him!!!!! THEY ONLY MET HIM THROUGH ME......and they wouldn't reject him and be on my side. It made me feel like because of my personality, maybe I deserved everything. I mean.. I did act crazy at times. I felt betrayed by my x fiancee and several of my friends. My heart is still broken over that. HE WON....EVEN HAD A NEW "RELATIONSHIP " WITHIN 3 MONTHS (even while still saying that he loved me). THIS CRAP MESSES WITH YOUR BRAIN!!!!!!
Jack Epapara
Jack Epapara
1 month ago
Their bum boys lol
Jeff The Wizard
Jeff The Wizard
1 week ago
but come on its sooo easy for any therapist, no matter how highly qualified to just do this without even the narcs interference
Like you say, if they dont get it they just raise an eyebrow
WIth psychiatrist its even more horrific: sending patients from diagosis to diagnosis to self help groups, constantly undermining their truth
Its realllly kafkaesque. (When I read 'a letter to my father' that made alot of sense lol) It could be a synonym for Narcissist
Jo-Anna Hicks
Jo-Anna Hicks
3 months ago (edited)
Trying to explain the abuse you've experienced, to someone who has been recruited as a flying monkey...can be met with comments like....
"Well they're not like that to ME"...to which I reply.."Well that's because they are image-managing, and trying to impress you, not abusing you" (although they are abusing them, in a different way, as Dr Ramani said).
Or...
"That doesn't sound like them, are you SURE that's right/what they said/you interpreted it correctly?
Or....
"You really need to take responsibilty, and stop blaming them"
Or...
"Well, if you weren't so (insert demeaning word), then maybe they wouldn't HAVE TO treat you that way"
Or for the aging Narcissist...
"They won't be around much longer...you really SHOULD try to patch things up"
Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!
David Nyro
David Nyro
2 weeks ago
Thanks, Dr. Ramani. I nominate you for the Nobel Peace Prize. Seriously.
I pray, and am proactively working toward, turning spotlights on this issue, perhaps the single biggest challenge to our world, our society, our civilization! These power/control-mongers are behind so many of our ills, including racism, sexism, poverty, inequity, climate change inaction, etc. I have personally experienced what you spoke about - the Flying Monkey "dynamic" - of being blamed, marginalized, ostracized, belittled. Yes, an alternate universe of betrayal, disconnect and alienation.
I saw many co-workers kicked to the curb after 10, 15, 20, 30 years of loyal dedication, with no warning, no chances, no conversations, no severance, and a smear campaign after to sabotage their follow-up attempts to find other jobs. The trauma contributed to one death and a suicide attempt. Did they care? No. They actually relished this crush. And they are rewarded, successful, respected. Yep. Here are my key points: a good, honorable, empathetic leader would've at least given these kicked-to-the-curb employees some chances, some respect, some generosity and adult consideration, even if they were F-ups! (They weren't, but were seen as threats by the narcs for whatever reason.)
My dream, goal, quest, is to not wreak vengeance on them, but at least shine a light and hold them accountable. They are used to NO consequences. The opposite of that!
And with their FM's, it's a tall order! If we can at least wake some of the FM's up. Of course, their victims are legion and as our numbers grow, this will help bring awareness and change, such as implementing Social and Emotional Learning, beginning in Pre-K, and on a par with the "The Three R's."
"See 'em, but don't be 'em." "Recognize, don't demonize!"
I am heartened to see the screw STARTING to turn...Things DID catch up with Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein, the Catholic Church (A long way still to go), Kevin Spacey, Roger Ailes, et al.
At the same time, we have one of the greatest narcissists going as our Top Leader! Sad. Telling. Underscores Dr. Ramani's treatise here.
Wake up, people! There's a better world out there, but it's going to take those of us who don't thirst for power and control to do a 180 and make this our duty, our purpose, our quest, our heroic, courageous cause!
Time for us to be Angels who lead!
Time to be Superpeople!
Cape up and step up, good people!
We not only greatly outnumber the Darth Vaders, Littlefingers, and JR Ewings, but we actually have goodness, fairness, love and kindness on our side. And the REAL strength!
Shilpi Sehgal
Shilpi Sehgal
3 months ago
OMG Dr Ramani, I was not aware of flying monkeys term. I used to always feel devastated that how come my some dear friends who know me as a person can be against me. One particular person started to call other common friends to say how bad I am that I left my narcissistic husband and his narcissistic mother. You are right they portrayed my husband as a victim I as a narcissistic person. I do feel isolated as no one talks to me. I love your series as it's giving me a lot of understanding of narcissistic world.
Leah McKinney
Leah McKinney
3 months ago (edited)
my narcissistic friend recruited both of best friends, and the two of them gossiped about me while I was recovering from a relationship with a narcissist. it was awful.
Kate Sanch
Kate Sanch
2 months ago (edited)
Dr. Ramani, would you help me to understand how to distinguish 'fleas' (because after three decades there is bound to be contamination) and a real problem that may exist due to your upbringing which has been exacerbated from prolonged contact?
Succeshero
Succeshero
3 months ago
Dr. Ramani, can you explain why vulnerable narcissists are social awkward vs a grandiose narcissist seems very social confident?
1
Terrance D. Schemansky
Terrance D. Schemansky
3 months ago
It's amazing to be able to look back 10 years before finding out someone was a narcissist.. and realize this was going on. Realizing flying monkeys that were put in place that used to be normal, now completely and shockingly abusive out of "nowhere". It's like putting some pieces of a puzzle together. However, trying to figure out every maneuver is a waste of time. Turn to God. Find truth. Hold firm.
Sinjin Monsoon
Sinjin Monsoon
3 months ago
Strangers can be flying monkeys. My narc is my sister and we look alike so i am recognized and slammed by strangers.
Kirsty Sewell
Kirsty Sewell
2 months ago (edited)
It's TRUE, unless you have gone through this it's so unbelievable what they do...
Mine has flying monkeys but now I know the monkeys are as clueless as I was. It's a good thing I'm 10 steps ahead of them all.
Kitti McDonald
Kitti McDonald
1 month ago
Do you ever get a narcissist coming to you for help? Perhaps those who do not know they are narcissistic and those who realise that they are and want to amend their ways?
Linda Marion
Linda Marion
3 months ago
Working with former cult members you meet so many ex-flying-monkeys! But they've learned the hard way how the narc/leader has been using them and they are determined never to let someone play them like that again. They are great teachers for others who have fallen into the flying monkey trap.
joel mccoy
joel mccoy
3 weeks ago
William Barr aspired to be an Attorney General, (The chief flying lawyer monkey), of an Authoritarian President. Narcissism looks more than a little Authoritarian; but if certain personalities plot their adaptation to the demands of career by advertising their aspiration to accomadate an authoritarian President. How does one define that psychopathy?
quixotic sonnet
quixotic sonnet
2 months ago (edited)
One thing that I noticed about flying monkeys is that they specifically are only allowed to stay inside the group and stay in their position of power so long as they don't display signs of critical thinking skills.
I had friend who I think may have had Borderline Personality Disorder. The moment that I stopped being a mindless yes-man and started to (ever so gently) criticize her is the moment when she turned on me and turned all of our friends against me. Even small criticisms like " I think you could have done this better if you did it differently" or " I think you might be wrong" couldn't get passed her. She need endless validation and when I didn't give it to her my goose was cooked.
In other words I think that a fragile ego is what creates flying monkeys. A normal person wouldn't need to get rid of people who weren't blindly devoted to them.
1
Sylvia Amodeo
Sylvia Amodeo
3 months ago
Yes, lets be CLEAR! I pray they do not become, or already are,,,, a flying monkey. In the end intelligence will prevail. I am confident.,
there fore
there fore
2 months ago
the media is a flying monkey for the government
1
Lucy Rane
Lucy Rane
3 weeks ago
Do narcissists know they are narcissists?
Karen Soo
Karen Soo
4 days ago
Describes to a tee a former workplace.
Happy2livelifeDavis
Happy2livelifeDavis
3 months ago
I totally like this Dr Ramani. This is my family dynamics. Both of my parents are narcs, and my siblings are the flying monkeys. I married a narc man. So this has been my adult life, that im currently trying to rebuild. I so wish you would have been around 20 years ago. Keep helping us!π
1
Ingelill
Ingelill
1 month ago (edited)
So, so true. I'm constantly contacted by flying monkeys. Agents sent out from my narc. It's almost funny, but really only tragic. I really want to say to them: Don't you know you are being used? Take care of yourself, stop being played! But that would only mean more narcissistic supply for the Queen Bee and add to the drama.
V
V
3 months ago
I was just going to ask if the flying monkeys ever wake up and realize that the narcissist was using them and abusing you. I have gone no contact with his supporters but lately some of them have reached out to me telling me that I deserve someone better. Strange
brenda Bryant
brenda Bryant
3 months ago
This may seem totally beside the point, but as I watch you, and listen to you speak,I am drawn to your animated facial expressions, and your expressive hands. I used to be animated like that. As I would try to talk to the narcissist in my life, his eyes would follow my hands, look at my eyebrows, the middle of my forehead(!), anywhere but my eyes. Finally, as I would, in utter failure, stop talking, he would raise his eyes to mine, and say, "Why do you do that?" And that is where the numbing would start. This probably makes no sense. I rarely comment on videos, but this time, for some reason, I just decided I would. Thank you for your videos, Dr. Ramini. You have helped me make sense of some things that never before made any sense at all.
3
global nomad
global nomad
3 months ago
there is a pandemic of malignant female narcissists in western culture and no cure
Bancha Suvannanonda
Bancha Suvannanonda
3 months ago
I thinks that most of the flying monkeys are also narcs.
Burnice
Burnice
3 months ago
Wow. I went through this for 2 years at work. It was horrible. I cried everyday when no one was looking. One is usually the ring leader in these situations. The work place can be scary. I actually suffered this in 2 different work places. Its very common. Thank for a great videoπ€π€π€
1
Paula
Paula
3 months ago
A big O Yeah ! They will try to ruin your life . Kama rules .
Cody Bryson
Cody Bryson
3 months ago
Of course that's par for the course to label anyone that speaks out against the system as crazy that's nothing new
DTrain1230
DTrain1230
2 months ago
Went through this for years.....Still am; She's spot on regarding all of this. Me and my new girl have been blackballed by our entire town, all my friends, family.....We don't go out around our own town anymore because of this abuse. It's extremely painful! But I/we have watched the Narc turn on her monkeys and we have silently laughed to ourselves as she's burned them too. Narc's are just pure evil.
Richard Borowski
Richard Borowski
3 months ago
Lost my job because flying monkeys and one narc , be careful
sassy granny
sassy granny
3 months ago
BINGO❣
1
katerina z
katerina z
3 months ago
turnds out ive been insulin resistant for 30 years which is why i had no energy failed in life the abusers around me were so happy now im going to get work my reputation is ruined since i was 13 all said i was crazy my blood sugar would go low,right afater i ate making me exhausted and fat im going to fight back prove im not an evil liar now i have diabetic meds
beatsintime
beatsintime
1 week ago
What about people that are completely on your side, were also abused, and they agree that the victim is rightfully disconnecting or disassociatking etc. And then before the victim is close to healed enough or strong enough to attempt the almost impossible amendmentwith their abuser the ones that were supportive turn into flying monkeys..what do I do now
In my case my two sisters, the handmaid/scapegoat, that knew before me, and the invisible turned scapegoat, who also knew before me, I am an invisible, turned golden, turned into something of a spousal type relationship where I was golden, ignored, and scapegoats, and I was always a handmaid as well, both exclaimed in satisfaction when I finally realized and i finally left our narcissistic mother. I shortly thereafter had to block her from being harrassed, encouraged by my husband to take some time before trying to tell her of my issues with her etc. Well my sisters have since both buddied up with my NM and are not a source of validation, but instead have point blank "held me accountable" as we are Christian and they have said I'm sinning by dishonoring our parents etc. For context, it has been 4 months, and 80% of that time was pandemic anyway. I am not healed, I am not strong I have not got to therapy, again because of lockdown. My husband and I are not sure we can ever re integrate into the family, but if we do it won't be yet..what do i even do with my sisters?
We were not allowed a close relationship as children or teens and instead for triangulated constantly, the first time in our lives that we really felt a relationship happening was a few months ago when I finally joined them in enlightenment of our mother's narcissism. I just decided I had to remove myself. (I lived with my mother and father, with my husband and three children for the last 4 years, and upon moving to our new home, I was harassed as my mom insisted there was am issue, which I could not say there was one because we were living there..and that would have been disastrous.)
And they are not intending on breaking ties as their abuses were in child hood while i was re-abused from age 24 to 28 an adult, married, three children and I was still a handmaid, and financially bonded (I paid them too much for me to leave, they would be left to be kicked out of their morgage..how could I leave?)
And my mother has tons of health issues that I am finding are pretend or exaggerated..and I tended those..
It is just a mess...
I want clarity on that type of Monkey..so I can send it to them!
Echoes in the Valley
Echoes in the Valley
1 month ago
Her flying monkeys would spy my Facebook page
Robert Connor
Robert Connor
3 months ago
Dr. Ramani, we know from WHO narcissists learn how to do these bad things (other narcissists) but WHERE and HOW do they learn to do these things? I don't know of a narcissist training academy.
Mary Kate Begovich
Mary Kate Begovich
3 months ago
Oh yes....this is a thing. Sigh.
Tiger Orchid Music
Tiger Orchid Music
2 months ago
Can someone unintentionally be a "flying monkey"?
Gerry Chidiac
Gerry Chidiac
1 month ago
Do marriage therapists get trained in these tactics of narcissists? My wife and I went to several different ones, and they all did this, and some were worse than others. I thought I was always doing something wrong. This is very affirming, but are marriage therapists willing to change their techniques? The ones I had refused to talk to me one on one, and never really heard me when my wife and I were together. Thank you Dr. Ramani. This really resonated for me.
Queana Ivory Music
Queana Ivory Music
3 months ago
How do I not play the game? People will look at me like I’m weak if I don’t...
1
Bernadette B
Bernadette B
2 months ago
Flying monkeys & donkeys...ππππ΄π΄π΄
1
MiMi Nekevots
MiMi Nekevots
3 months ago
It is isolating and crushing betrayal to realize no one loves you not your family.
Lindsay S
Lindsay S
1 month ago
Great video π
Danice Lobrin
Danice Lobrin
3 months ago (edited)
He let his friends do the talking and blaming. Our common friends whom I thought were my real friends disrespect my wishes and harass me with his relayed messages. I felt like they we’re tryna be friends wt me just to talk behind my back. His father to convince me to get back with him. Just like my ex they never listened. I thought I was just crazy but god thank you Dr Ramani. I’m sorry I keep on releasing my experiences in your comments section
Jenifer Manz
Jenifer Manz
1 week ago
WORD
wildflower
wildflower
3 months ago
π
MiMi Nekevots
MiMi Nekevots
3 months ago
You are a comfort regardless the very bad news Dr Ramani.
Diane M
Diane M
3 months ago
Complete truth in this video. Have been going through this situation for a number of years now, and find myself NOT TRUSTING ANYONE! It is a sad and depressing way to live. The way the half-truths and all-out lies that have been told to FM's is astounding! As well as the FM's are so nice to your face, but you KNOW the narcissist is telling them so much BS about you. What they don't know is that YOU know they are FM's, since you know the narcissist game. That can work in your favor at times, when the FM's reveal info to you that the narcissist either wants you to know (to see how you react to it), or they inadvertently tell you things the narcissist would rather you NOT know, or has lied to FM saying you already know. I am learning to not react to new info, and not give away any info I am told or know re narcissist. They can even have FM's sit outside where you live to "watch" you what you do! There are patterns to all of their sneaky ways--if you pay attention, you will see it.
Wendy Mertens
Wendy Mertens
3 months ago
I feel like you are talking about me ( neighbors 2e floor makes noise a lot and the other neighbors protect her as does the landlord.The all say i should be ashamed)
Br8king Tha Silence
Br8king Tha Silence
1 month ago
My narc mom & sister are ALways spreading lies about me. They are pathologically envious of me & I'm a tomboy tf! One day when we were young my sister told me that our mother was talking bad about me. I asked her what did you say & why didn't you stop her? My narc sister just looked like a deer in the headlights. That's how I learned I was a target. Sure enuff I had to cut ties with All of my so called family full narcs & flying monkeys. I always felt like they were weak cowards that love chaos. No one Ever asked for my side so F them All!!
Dec 2017 is when I learned the term narcissist then my trauma filled life made sense. A lot questions answered by all the vids I've seen.
Now I discard narcs with rapid speed they be so confused & lost. Several of the creatures said the same line 'But you didn't even give me a chance"!. My thought was to do what? Destroy my life foh narky!!
I spot em quick now. Any where. From The Advanced narcs of Cali to the slow narcs of Atl Ga and to the sharp tongued narc ragers of Jersey. Its like they all attend the same school of narcs cause they All do the same shit. Gray rock & No Contact is the cure for these creatures. They can Not handle it!!
Let's Go Survivors!!
1
Josephin Helm
Josephin Helm
3 months ago
What about if your in-laws are narcissistic and your partner doesn't get it? What is one supposed to do? I feel like the lonliest person on earth. It is crazy making.
Echo Walker
Echo Walker
3 months ago
Forgiveness and making amends are chapters in the narcs lol gotcha book.
1
Carmen Karmen
Carmen Karmen
3 months ago
Dr. Ramani's videos have been insanely insightful.. (Hope it isn't too late to ask this) but does anyone know what happens if a narcissist watch these videos? Like watching crime documentaries, being more informed is great when you are a good person.. If a bad one watches them, would the bad take advantage of the information and use it against the good? I really want to know. Every time I watch her videos and learn something more for myself, to improve my life, I wonder what happens if the abusers saw them too... would they use it against me? This is the very first time I have had the guts to leave an online comment(never felt I had anything important enough to say, but this is such a burning question for me). In case Dr. Ramani sees this I just want to say: I am so lucky to have come across your videos, they are life-changing... It unveiled and explained so much that happened in my life that made me think I'm a piece of sh*t(to the point that I almost did the irreversible, you saved me at a very crucial time). For the first time in 8 years... I think I am slowly coming to a stop at blaming myself for their aggression and violence. Dr. Ramani you are now my source of love and energy. lol. I know it sounds childish but it is true:P Sincerely... thank you for the work that you do, and the lives you save. I wish I could help someone too.
Halima M.
Halima M.
3 months ago
Can you provide your email please
kirti jain
kirti jain
1 month ago
Okay so I want your opinion on how I have handled the flying monkeys. Please tell me if I am doing the right way . There are two types of flying monkeys out there in my case once which are not so important to me and one that are close to me. I have stopped being in touch with the flying monkeys who are not so important to me to make mind peaceful. And there are the others flying monkey who are close to me so, I try to maintain little relations with them by just talking normal stuff and help them out and proving them that i'm not a bad person and i'm the one suffering through action its kind of manipulating them to just help me out with small favours to make myself stronger. Its going good so far but i don't know when and how it will turn against me. Personally i don't feel like talking to any one of them my heart out and don't trust anybody of them which leads to make appear myself as a person who stop talking to everybody on small issues and very arrogant and rude which loves to break relationship and doesn't even bother to make things better.
XxXTueurDuGarconsXxX
XxXTueurDuGarconsXxX
3 months ago (edited)
My mother is my narcissist. My father was physically abusive growing up also. I'm 23 now still living with them because they turned our whole family into their flying monkeys while I was growing up. Telling them I'm dramatic and I just want attention and nothing is wrong with me and I create my own problems because I'm the black sheep that they always took their problems out on. It's been hard getting support to get out of her house and it feels impossible to do on my own. Everytime I reached out for help, they always told me to work it out with her and respect her more. I have a baby and boyfriend now and he tells me all the time the craziness he sees with them. Pray for us y'all. That we are out from under them soon. She likes to keep me powerless so I will stay with her but tells me constantly she wants me gone.
Nelumbo Nucifera
Nelumbo Nucifera
3 months ago
My soon to be ex husband even recruited our adult Daughter as his flying monkey and it worked because he had been operating silently for years behind my back while I was kept busy dealing with the abuse and trying to keep the family together. That was the red flag that prompted me to search for the ‘why’s’ and led me to discovering the topic of narcissism. When I started confiding in a few close relatives, I was appalled to find out that he had even tested the waters with them by trying to fish out from them where I stood in terms of ‘closeness’ with them so that he could use them as potential minions. He had told them that I physically abuse him and when they laughed, he acted as if it was a joke statement. And later repeated the same with another group of family. And I was clueless all along! He was ahead of me in the game. But I’ve caught up with him now. Yes, it’s been pretty lonely being in isolation from family and friends as a result of all the smear campaigning, but thanks to all the info that’s out there, I’ve managed to pick up the shattered pieces of my life and move on. My daughter may or may not turn around. I live with the hope that someday she will.
Tikitackfouls
Tikitackfouls
3 months ago
Yay
2
V
V
1 month ago
Narcs use other narcs destroy you, flying monkeys? Birds of a feather flock together, toxic people cannot wait to bring you down,because you have something good they cannot grasp.
Heidi
Heidi
3 months ago
I wonder, is it that narcissistic people really don't know how they're hurting others or is it that they do and they either don't care or that it's more important to hurt their supply that dared to say 'no more' than to consider the welfare of a larger system? (~15:20)
Diane Matlock
Diane Matlock
1 month ago
Flying Monkies are very ignorant...
They're imps...
Chukwudi E.
Chukwudi E.
3 months ago
man do I got stories
1
Miss Davids
Miss Davids
3 months ago
all the flying monkeys are low vibrational insecure ppl themsleves tehy and the narc deserve one another. this was great. can you also have more content that touches on when we have healed, are thriving and how the narc and FM deal with that.
Bethoc Fontenot
Bethoc Fontenot
3 months ago
Raised by a tribe of Narcisistic harpies in the dysfunctional family system I was adopted into. My Mentally & Emotionally abusive bully of a 'grandmother' used to use my 'mother' as her flying monkey to extort secrets, intel, and other 'dirt' about my dreams, ideas, and conduct at school in order to emotionally belittle and humiliate me. Both women were pure evil.
RhymeOfTheAncient Sub-Mariner
RhymeOfTheAncient Sub-Mariner
3 months ago
Everybody can be lied to, everybody can be mislead, nobody is above it. If this happened to you I think you should take responsibility for how you respond and how you move forward but not for it because that means taking responsibility for someone else's actions. It's not your fault other people are dishonest.
LitcheTheArsm
LitcheTheArsm
3 months ago (edited)
I feel like I was a flying monkey and a target at the same time? I believed and validated everything they said about others. I did whatever I could to keep him happy at all times. As soon as my focus switched he lashed out and made others agree with him that I was purposefully ignoring him.
Yet I kept being his close friend because I felt like because he'd been so kind to me before and been through so much suffering and abuse so I owed it to him regardless how uncomfortable I felt. I told his partners(now exes) off for things he said they'd done even though I had no way of knowing if it was true.
As his partners got either thrown out or quietly distanced themselves he got more and more angry with me while the new supply (my best friend of 15 years who had been integrated to the group) now agreed with him. Losing her was the hardest part. But through intense therapy I've worked my way out of the deepest mourning period. I'm kind of ashamed of how much I've cried, screamed and thrown things around at home alone over this but there is no way to articulate the horrible feelings this has brought on.
I feel so bad for those I hurt when adopting his stories as objective truth. I'm working towards forgiving myself and finding strategies to not do that again.
Is it common to be both a flying monkey and a target and these roles overlapping?
3
Lucy Rane
Lucy Rane
3 weeks ago (edited)
If you talk in confidence to one person who you trust not to speak, about the difficulty you are in dealing with the narcissist; does that mean you are using a narcissist ploy? ie: can you talk about the abuse from the narcissist that is causing you so much anxiety and nervousness?
Carol a
Carol a
3 months ago
Going thu this now new wife is the worse narc and my ex is Simi narc
Brandon McAlpin
Brandon McAlpin
3 months ago
Anytime we would argue or have a disagreement or fight, she would confide in her ex or friends. I assume she fed them partial information about what happened to make her look like the victim in order to demonize me. Every time something happened, she had to “get an outside perspective” from everyone else, her friends, her ex, her mom, co-workers. Anytime I would point out that I don’t think it’s appropriate that she does that, she would say I’m trying to isolate her, as if I’m the abusive one. She would say I’m controlling and possessive. It made me feel so bad about myself.
Batbara Sobczak
Batbara Sobczak
3 months ago (edited)
Dr. RAMINI spot on! Flying monkeys cause pain to the victim due to ignorance. Flying monkeys are a tool for the narcissist only to be discarded at a latter date. π₯
2
Kenny Rider
Kenny Rider
3 months ago
It's not the leader that makes a difference. It's the first person to follow the leader who makes a difference. Likewise, it's not the liar who causes harm. It's the first person who believes the lie and acts on it.
Anne-Marie Danielsen
Anne-Marie Danielsen
3 months ago (edited)
I just came out of a long relationship with a narcissist. While we were together he would always gossip about EVERYBODY, even his "close" friends and family. And he would say really personal things and tell in in a way that I found absolutely disgusting. (Like how his mother was such a victim, she would only find men who hit her, his sister had been divorced five times the last decade, his boss (his favorite gossip subject, a very rich man, and known) was this and that.... His best friend was hopeless, such a talent as an architect, but would be nowhere without him because he gave him his job and was the one always pushing him. and the list goes on!) The worst thing was that people loved it! And I confronted him with it several times, trying to explain to him that he might loose his friends, his job etc. He got really angry when I confronted him with it. And always answered like I have hurt him in a way, saying that to him. (because, of course, he was in his right to say these things in a way about people, he only told the truth and what was obvious, ofc). Of course he did the same thing with me when our relationship finally ended, and he even contacted my mother, trying to say stuff about me. Luckily, he could not touch my family, or my old friends. But I see all of the friends I had together with him as lost.
1
N B
N B
2 weeks ago
Shes a smart cookie.
Alicia Hill
Alicia Hill
3 months ago
My Ex Narc was a second marriage for me and he used his three adult children, grandchildren and other family members as flying monkeys against me. Although I had no idea what this meant until I started watching these videos, I remember FEELING something was very off. I always felt dark, cloudy and heavy around them. I couldnt figure it out, but I refused to go around his family for any reason. What also cleared things up was when I found out through a neighbor that my Ex had recruited other neighbors as flying monkeys! He moved into my home, so these were neighbors that I had known longer than I had known him! Unbelievable! He discarded and divorced me in January of this year. It was the best present he ever gave me!
1
N B
N B
2 weeks ago
Flying monkeys tend to have low self esteem and not the sharpest knives in the drawer, so consider the source.
Leslie Stone
Leslie Stone
3 months ago
This is the thing that makes me want to go to bed & never get up-I’m 1 1/2 yrs in to a contentious divorce of 17yrs & my Narc x has turned my 16yr old son into a flying monkey. This is verbatim going on in my house whenever he shows up-I’ve stayed at home since my son was born & we r still living together loosely. He comes & goes as he pleases-is sleeping in the In-law suite a few days a week.
And I did come from a bipolar bpd mother & semi-narc father. I went from being that scapegoat to my narc x’s. I just keep getting sucked in to the cycle. Now my son is doing it. I want to die!!!- I’m not suicidal that’s just how it makes me feel. I’m broken and I can’t get the patch to stick.
Dan Archambault
Dan Archambault
1 week ago
Flying monkeys carry out the official story of the narcissist
Tee Lee
Tee Lee
3 months ago (edited)
Narcisstic Friend is a drinking, daily chill with buddy... suddely finds another chill partner, and I confront him! I was confused on why should I care?!?!
His Flying Monkey: "He's not leaving his wife"!
Me π€¬: What??? "I'm not leaving my man, either"! "So, who's gonna drink with me, YOU"??? That's when I realised, I was drinking too much, and delving into marijuana usage too much! Sooo not me!!! Smh
Jaimes James
Jaimes James
3 months ago (edited)
My entire network of family and friends, including the latter who happily accepted my hospitality as I was generous with it, were turned by the narcissist in my life. At first it had a massive impact, I was devastated. But actually when I was with a room full of those people socialising, I regularly felt so lonely and how they never bothered to get to know me properly. It was all about them. How many people get the opportunity to have a cull of every hanger on, fair weather friends, toxic family members and general deadbeats? You have to look at it as an opportunity. The two friends that I made outside of the relationship are still my friends who I don’t see often but they’ll be friends for life. There’s a lesson there. I lost nothing when those people chose to abandon me without ever giving me a fair hearing, taking the narcissist’s word as read. I literally blocked and ghosted them online and never contacted any of them again. When I look back I now understand these people were not my friends, I never chose them. They are the narcissist’s friends. If you are going through it now, it is absolutely awful but if anybody takes sides against you, they were never your friend in the first place. A good friend would not get involved in malicious gossip against you and one day you will look back and realise, they are no loss. Incidentally I was threatened in my own home by my narcs’ drug dealer and others. I kept focus on the end game: get out. Never react. I raised my voice once and he called the police! Luckily, I’d spoken to the police confidentially on a couple of occasions so I asked the visiting officer to at least make a note of the contacts I had made in order to build a picture of what was actually going on. It is early days and I’m very alone in the world but I keep busy. Coronavirus is really difficult for me because I don’t talk to anyone that I normally meet say, in shops and places I go. Now I’m starting to struggle with loneliness.
Finally, it seems that narcissists will rarely change and therefore they repeat the same behaviours again. At some point in future, those friends that abandoned me will see the same thing happening again with his next relationship. At some point, they’re going to realise they backed the wrong horse, assuming the narcissist hasn’t dumped them because he’s found other friends. He stayed friends with those who give him dentistry at cost, Botox at cost, 90% off Burberry and other heavy discounters. (Smiling at those foolish flying monkeys).
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