Assertive vs Passive Communication

Assertive vs Passive Communication

Assertive Communication – Allows us to express our beliefs, feelings, opinions and thoughts in an open respectful manner that doesn't violate the rights of others.

Passive communicators often lack of respect for themselves, disregarding their own opinions, feelings, needs, and desires.

10 tips for being assertive

Being assertive means being direct about what you need, want, feel or believe in a way that’s respectful of the views of others. It’s a communication skill that can reduce conflict, build your self-confidence and improve relationships in the workplace.

Here are some tips to help you learn to be more assertive.

Make the decision to positively assert yourself. Commit to being assertive rather than passive or aggressive and start practicing today.

Aim for open and honest communication. Remember to respect other people when you are sharing your feelings, wants, needs, beliefs or opinions.

Listen actively. Try to understand the other person’s point of view and don’t interrupt when they are explaining it to you.

Agree to disagree. Remember that having a different point of view doesn’t mean you are right and the other person is wrong.

Avoid guilt trips. Be honest and tell others how you feel or what you want without making accusations or making them feel guilty.

Stay calm. Breathe normally, look the person in the eye, keep your face relaxed and speak in a normal voice.

Take a problem-solving approach to conflict. Try to see the other person as your friend not your enemy.

Practice assertiveness. Talk in an assertive way in front of a mirror or with a friend. Pay attention to your body language as well as to the words you say.

Use ‘I’. Stick with statements that include ‘I’ in them such as ‘I think’ or ‘I feel’. Don’t use aggressive language such as ‘you always’ or ‘you never’.

Be patient. Being assertive is a skill that needs practice. Remember that you will sometimes do better at it than at other times, but you can always learn from your mistakes.

Factors that make communication ineffective
You’re not interested in the person sending the message or the message itself

Physical factors – fatigue, hunger, aches, pains, feeling unwell

Misunderstandings because the message is unclear, or the communication is misinterpreted

Feelings of bad vibes towards the person or general dysfunction in a team, for example:
Philosophically, you don’t agree with them
Busy people often don’t spend time listening to each other
Cultural or religious backgrounds
Lack of willingness to do the hardest thing of all – actively listen to the message.


Different types of communication

Assertive communication increases feeling empowered

Broken Record Technique


The "broken record" technique is a simple yet effective classroom management technique you can use with students at any level. All you have to do is assertively, yet calmly, repeat a message or a command that must be complied with by the student. For example, if a student leaves his or her seat without permission, simply say to the student "please return to your seat." Repeat the same statement until the student returns to his or her seat. The student very likely may protest or even argue; just keep repeating your statement like a broken record. The chances are very high that the student will give in and return to his or her seat. Often, the simplest behavior management strategy is the best.